31. Kendra
Kendra
Asoft whisper of voices is mixed with the familiar, unwelcome noises that I know so well. The beeps, hums, and pumps of the machines blend with the sterile smell that can only be found in a hospital.
I try to peel my eyes open, but the lids feel as if they are sticky and leaden. Everything hurts. As my mind slowly catches up to reality, I remember why I’m here, what happened to land me in this stiff bed, surrounded by concerned murmurs and haunting memories.
A pained moan spills from my lips as I try to move my body slightly to the left, a sharp stabbing sensation zapping through my ribs and my side.
The shock releases the hold on my tired eyes, and they split open, revealing my hospital room and a man jumping to his feet, another rushing out into the hallway.
“It’s alright, sweetheart,” Eli says. “Try not to move, okay?”
Tears well in my swollen eyes. I’m not sure why or how he’s here, but I don’t want Eli to see me like this just as much as I don’t want him to go anywhere.
“How,” is all I manage to croak out of my dry, tired throat.
Eli gently takes my hand, runs his thumb along my fingers and says, “Saw the lights on in your house when I got back from the wedding. Wanted to talk to you. Back door, it wasn’t fully secured.
Found you, found you in the living room and called 9-1-1.
Got you here.” He clips out the explanation in such a non-Eli way, like he can barely get the words to form.
I know there is more to the story, but just then my dad bursts into the room flanked by nurses and a doctor.
“My Kendra,” he says, rushing to me as tears start to pour down his face.
“I’m so sorry, Pop,” I apologize. Knowing my dad has been here worried about me, in a hospital again, causes him as much pain as whatever injuries I am suffering. We are all the family that we have left, and I can’t stand the idea of either of us leaving the other alone in the world.
“Oh, Kendra, don’t you dare. None of this is your fault. I am just so goddamn grateful that you’re alive, that you’re okay, that Eli found you in time.” He wipes his cheeks with the back of his hand, nodding to the man on the other side of my bed, who’s still holding my own.
“Kendra, I’m Dr. Allen. I have been treating you and was the one to operate on you when you were brought in last night,” the shorter man at the foot of my bed explains.
He looks to be around my father’s age, has on scrubs with a white coat covering his lanky frame.
His handsome mahogany skin makes his light brown eyes look like liquid honey, and the wrinkles around his eyes don’t make him look older or tired, they just add a warm kindness to his presence.
“What happened?” I can’t manage more than a whisper my throat is so dry. A nurse passes my dad a cup of water with a straw, and he helps me take small sips as Dr. Allen talks.
“You have a concussion, two broken ribs, a break to your left ulna.” He nods at my arm, which I just now am registering is in a pink cast. “You also needed emergent surgery when you arrived to remove your spleen. It had ruptured, and you also had a lot of internal bleeding. But we got you all sorted out thanks to being brought in quickly. If not . . .” He lets the sentence hang, shaking his head.
“How long was I out?” I ask.
“Almost twelve hours from now to the time Eli called the ambulance and they got you here, but we’re not sure how long you were alone at your house. You very briefly regained consciousness when Eli found you. Can you remember anything, Kendra?” Dr. Allen asks gently.
Eli drops to the chair next to my bed, scoots closer, my right hand still held in his, and he links our fingers together. I don’t know what is happening, why he’s here, but I know that I don’t want him to let go.
“He brought me home.” I look up to Eli, not wanting to see my dad or anyone else.
I wish I didn’t have to tell this story, but I know this won’t be the only time I have to say these words aloud, so I need to dig down and find the strength.
“I was tired and just wanted to be done with everything. It’d been such a long day.
He was helping me clean up my kitchen, insinuating we could .
. . continue the night, but I just wanted to get him to leave.
I was being nice, but dismissive. My phone went off in my bag. ”
Shivers make my body tremble, and I groan in pain. My dad offers me another sip of water before I continue, but I awkwardly gesture it away with my heavy cast, arm throbbing within. The heart rate monitor attached to me starts to beep faster as I think about what comes next.
“I was on the other side of the kitchen, he, he opened my clutch and got my phone. Who even does that? Goes in someone’s bag? But when he pulled out my phone . . . He saw the pictures,” I whisper, locking eyes with Eli.
His widen in horror, realizing what that perfect strip of private black-and-white moments triggered.
“Sweetheart.” He slides down to his knees right next to my hospital bed.
Sweetheart.
He has not called me that since I was nineteen, since I took away his privilege to use his special nickname for me after that night on the beach. Now he keeps saying it and pain twists my heart.
More pain for a body that I thought couldn’t feel anything else.
“It sent him into a rage,” I admit. “I tried to fight back, to get away, I promise, I tried so hard.” Tears flow from my eyes and burn a trail down my battered face.
“We can tell that you fought, Kendra. You are so brave. You have nothing to be sorry for, nothing to be ashamed of. There wasn’t a thing you did wrong to make this happen.
That man is evil and will not get away with what he did to you.
” My dad cups my cheek with the pressure of a feather, wiping my tears with his calloused thumb.
“I’m going to call Danny, tell him you’re awake, okay?” Eli kisses the back of my hand, standing up to his full height.
Panic must show all over with the tensing in my body and the tremble of my hand because he quickly adds, “I’m not leaving, I will just be in the hallway, okay?”
“Alright,” I concede.
Eli steps out of the room; Dr. Allen gives my nurses orders for some medicine to administer for my pain and promises to be back later to check on me. Finally, my dad and I are alone—the room feeling empty and claustrophobic all at once.
“I never wanted you to have to sit by my hospital bed again, Pop. I am so sorry, so sorry to make you go through this.” More tears come when I see the ones in my dad’s eyes.
“Kendra, you know I will be here for you no matter what. And this time is not the same as last time, and I didn’t mind having to take care of you back then either. I am so thankful that you are okay. Scared the shit outta me, and I really can’t stand the idea of being without my girl.”
“We have been through so much, I can’t be without you either. Thank you for staying with me the whole time.” I smile weakly at him.
“I wish I was here the whole time, but that was Eli. You were already in surgery when I got here. But that boy, that man—has not left your side, Kendra. He’s practically torn down the walls with his worry over you.
” My dad’s eyes search my face, but I’m not sure he can find much of a reaction with the mask of my bruising, injuries, and indifference I’m desperately trying to cling to.
If not for that, he would see too much because he knows me too well.
“It was probably just really scary to find me like that,” I surmise.
“Hmmm, I think it’s much deeper than that. I got to know him pretty well waiting for you to wake up. Maybe once you are on your feet, talk to him.”
“I talk to him all the time, he’s my neighbor.”
“I am so glad you are awake and sassing me again, never been so happy in my life.” He chuckles. “Nana told me he meant something to you, Kendra, not all the details, but I am pretty smart. Can connect the dots. Plus, I have really gotten to talk to him while we waited for you to wake up.”
“Nana? Nana talked to you about Eli?” Shock makes me wince and must be trying to work its way past all my bruising and swollen face, but my eyes certainly can’t widen into the disbelief I am feeling.
“Mm-hmm. She just wanted someone else to know what was troubling your heart before she left us alone. She wouldn’t tell me details. All she said was that summer changed you, which I knew—and that Eli was the reason.” He scoots his chair closer.
“It’s complicated,” I whisper.
“I’m sure it is, but one thing that’s not is the way he looks at you, worries over you. Has not left your side.”
I feel my eyes swim with tears.
“Just don’t let the past muddy a fresh, clean rain is all I’m saying.”