49. Kendra
Kendra
“To freedom!” Lainey holds up her steaming flat white, clinking it against mine and Sutton’s matching pumpkin spice lattes, sitting together at our favorite table inside the Sugar Cube.
Giggling, I say, “I will feel more free when I’m not going to physical therapy twice a week.”
“Yeah, but your doctor said that you have to get your strength back. A break like yours, it’s a miracle you didn’t need surgery.” Sutton rubs my now totally cast-free arm.
“You’re right. And I am so happy that I’m allowed to go back to work. He even said that doing my pottery, without overdoing it, will help build my strength back up too.”
“I honestly think that’s why you were so lucky! You have superwoman arms from how much you use them. Nobody works with their hands the way you do. That has to make the bones in your arms extra strong, right?” Lainey wonders.
“Who knows,” I say, “but now I can pick up Wren easily too and help out with her more. It’s been awful having so many limitations. I will never under-appreciate my two working arms again.”
Sutton and Lainey pass a glance and Lainey clears her throat. “Speaking of Wren, how are things going with you and Eli?”
“Have you talked to him yet?” asks Sutton.
“Ugh.” I bounce my pink Converse nervously.
“Why does he have to be so stupidly hot? Did you know he wears reading glasses? And he makes all these plans for us, is the best dad, cooks for me, walked in on me trying out my new vibrator, folds my laundry because my arm was broken, is helping with my remodel—”
“Hoooold on. Back. Up!” Lainey cuts me off. “Eli walked in on what?”
My cheeks flame and I find a very interesting bird to look at out on the sidewalk through the window.
I can’t believe I let that slip out in my rambling.
“Spill it!” Sutton demands, slapping her hand down on the table making all the dishes clatter.
“Fine. I ordered myself a new rose vibrator, because the entire drawer I have of options at my own place I can’t get to since I’m unable to go inside my fucking house. And being that close to Eli all the time is making my hormones go crazy. I had to do something.”
The girls nod in understanding, so I go on.
“He was still supposed to be at work and then getting Wren. Usually his mom keeps him there visiting for a while, so I thought I’d have plenty of time to get off before he got home. But . . . he saw, and things happened.”
“What! What kind of things?” Lainey frantically whispers.
“We didn’t have sex”—I bite my lip—“and he didn’t touch me, but we both . . . finished.”
I can’t tell them that Eli-fucking-Hargrove, all six foot four of him, dropped to his knees at the sight of me.
I can’t tell them that he crawled to me. On his hands and fucking knees across the bedroom floor to get to me in some sort of show of desperate reverence.
I can’t say that it made me feel adored, turned on, powerful, sexy . . . loved. Because that’s crazy. Eli doesn’t love, not me at least. He lusts for me. Did when we were young and obviously does now.
“Holy shit,” Sutton says, fanning herself.
“Then he cleaned me off, cuddled me, we fell asleep, woke up, went and had dinner with his family, brought Wren home, and made out on the couch for hours like teenagers.” I clunk my head down on the worn wooden table and it wobbles.
“Why is this a bad thing?” Sutton asks.
“Because!” I roll my head to the side, looking at her.
“I still haven’t talked to him, and I am still so confused.
He says he wants a relationship, but Eli’s never had a relationship—ever.
Now all of a sudden he wants to be all in?
I think it’s just because he has Wren now and things are different. ”
“Things are different now,” Lainey concedes, “but I’m not sure it’s for the reasons you might be imagining.”
“I think you need to have sex with him,” Sutton says, sipping her drink pensively.
I rear back and look at her like she just shape-shifted. “What!”
“Yeah, why not? You need to see if you still have the spark or if it’s all just sexual tension. Are you burning hot and fast from being around each other because of these circumstances, or are you going to smolder and stoke each other’s flames for a lifetime?”
It’s a good idea, but there is a major problem. One that I am not even comfortable vocalizing to my very best friends.