53. Eli
Eli
Bringing Kendra here is a big, and I mean big, fucking gamble.
The last time we were here does not hold good memories for us.
I’m trying to reclaim a piece of our history tonight, give us back our special place and hopefully move forward.
I just pray she sees it as that and not digging a knife into scarred, aching wounds.
The rest of our “early bird dinner,” as Kendra called it, went great. We laughed, shared stories, our meals, and lingering kisses. So far, it’s been the best date of my life. I want a million more—with Kendra.
When I tried to go deep at the start of this one, her walls immediately went up and I felt like kicking myself.
I know I’m walking a fine line with her.
She reminds me of a wild horse that is terrified of humans, of touch, of a deep connection.
I’m not saying that I am trying to tame her in any kind of way, hell no.
I want to watch her run free and chase the sun.
But the Kendra I see now and the one I knew when we were younger are not the same.
Of course we are both different, have lived through some shit, but I have a feeling that hers was a lot heavier than mine—and it kills me that I have no idea what it was.
Even during the summer we had together, she never let me totally in.
I could feel a veil between us, one that she used to protect herself in Fox Grove from getting too immersed or close to anyone.
The only person that ever really got to know Kendra was Hannah.
Kendra came every summer and could have had more ties to the town if she wanted, but she chose to stay on the fringes.
She thought that nobody could see it, but I could.
I have a strong feeling that if I hadn’t let her walk away from me, if I had opened my eyes, allowed myself to admit that she already owned my heart and that I was ruined for anyone else—she would have actually trusted me to carry whatever burdens she’s been shouldering all her life.
So far the only things she has opened up to me about now have been very surface level, and if we have any chance at a future, I need her to dig deep, let me in .
. . or I need a way to plan a Trojan horse beyond her defenses.
I’m ready to finally be the man she needs, one that she can trust to be vulnerable around and not worry that I will take advantage of it.
I will love her through the raging storms now, not forsake her and throw her out into the middle of them hoping someone stronger is waiting for her in a different boat while the waters rise.
I would rather drown holding her up in my own two broken arms for the rest of time rather than ever let go again.
Does that make me crazy? Stupid? I don’t care. I just need Kendra to truly give me a second chance.
“Can I take this thing off yet?” Kendra asks, fidgeting with the blue paisley bandanna I have tied around her eyes preventing her from peeking.
“Not yet!” I glance over as I drive, making sure she isn’t cheating and trying to see where our surprise destination is.
“It’s annoying my eyeballs,” she mumbles, “and messing up my hair.”
Grinning to myself, I say, “I promise your eyeballs will be very happy once I take it off. And your hair is always perfect.”
“You better not be standing in front of me naked,” Kendra sasses.
“My nakedness the other day seemed to make your eyes plenty happy, sweetheart.” I reach over and trail my hand over her jean-clad thigh and love the way her body shivers under my touch.
“Well you surprised me, so that was a moment of weakness, and I gave in too easily. I should have kicked you out.” She bites her lip.
I pull my truck into the parking lot and cut the engine. Leaning into her, I whisper, “You’re a beautiful little liar.”
“I hate you,” Kendra whispers unconvincingly.
“Sure you do.” I get out of the truck, grab the supplies I need and go to the passenger side, opening Kendra’s door. She is moving to pull off the bandanna, but I stop her.
“Eli! What the hell! We’re here, get this thing off me.” She bats at my hand.
“We are out of the truck, we are not at our final location just yet. Take my hand, I’ll lead you the rest of the way, okay? Do you trust me?” I look down at her tiny frame, swaying with indecision.
Then . . .
“Yes, Eli. I trust you.” And she winds her fingers through mine as my heart soars.