Chapter 36
CHAPTER 36
Sophie woke up suddenly, realising she was desperate for the loo. Then her eyes snapped wide open – she wasn’t alone. There was a warm body in the bed next to her.
She knew it was Sebastian, but still turned her head to check and there he was, flat on his back, the duvet down by his waist, his naked chest in full view. Sophie glanced down at herself and was relieved to see she was still wearing her dress. And her knickers.
Getting carefully out of the bed, she padded as quietly as she could to the bathroom off the other bedroom. She wasn’t ready to see him until she’d gone over it all in her head.
They hadn’t had sex. She was sure of that. They’d come back to the cabin and talked long into the night, drinking half the bottle of brandy laid on by their generous hosts. About 4am, they’d collapsed into bed together and Sophie had gone to sleep with Sebastian’s arm round her. At the time, it had seemed the natural thing to do. It would have felt odd to go off to separate cold beds.
As she left the bathroom, she wondered if she should get into her own bed now, but her feet already seemed to be walking back to Sebastian’s room. The comfort of having somebody else in the bed was impossible to resist – and they’d controlled themselves while properly pie-eyed the night before, so in the light of morning, surely it was perfectly innocent for two old friends to bunk up together?
He’d turned on his side while she was away and after she climbed back in she looked down at his shoulder. She’d forgotten about the tattoo on his bicep. It said, ‘Matt’. Matt had had ‘Seb’ on his. They’d done it to each other with a needle and ink when they were teenagers. It was lucky that, even at that age, they could both make beautiful lettering.
Sophie put her head against the headboard and closed her eyes, too many thoughts rushing through her mind at once. Sober, in the harsh light of day, was that one – heavenly – kiss going to make things weird between her and Sebastian? She dearly hoped not.
Then she heard laughter.
It was Sebastian. She looked at him and she found she was laughing too.
‘Morning, dear,’ he said, smacking her thigh.
‘Morning, yourself,’ said Sophie, feeling shy and pulling the covers up to her neck.
‘We didn’t shag, did we? Please tell me I haven’t had a momentary lapse and forgotten any little details like that... It would be such a waste.’
‘You’re fine,’ said Sophie. ‘We just curled up like a pair of drunk little puppies and pretty much blacked out.’
‘That’s what I thought. Phew. Probably a good thing. Although it was nice, though, wasn’t it? That naughty kiss.’
Sophie smiled at him and nodded, glad he’d mentioned it. ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘it was nice.’ Too nice, but in such a weird situation, she couldn’t see the point of being anything other than completely honest.
‘It’s lucky I have breath that could strip paint,’ he said, ‘otherwise I might try to do it again.’
‘That’s enough of that,’ said Sophie, sitting up and prodding him on the upper arm.
She immediately wished she hadn’t. It was hard and muscular and it triggered the same feeling set off by that surprising kiss. Time to get up.
After a shower – not quite cold, but much cooler than she would normally have it – Sophie got dressed and went back to stand in the bedroom door. Sebastian was sitting up, his entire upper body on display, staring out of the window, hands behind his head.
‘I’m going to head over to the morning-after breakfast in the marquee,’ she said, briskly. ‘See you there?’
‘Okay. You mosey on down. Better if we don’t arrive together – Bella is like a bloodhound for any hint of illicit goings on.’
‘Exactly,’ said Sophie, happy she didn’t have to explain. ‘She told me once it was a key skill for any woman married to a wealthy man.’
‘You might want to mess up the bed in the other room, before you go,’ said Sebastian. ‘Bit of a giveaway, in case she does a quick recce.’
After the breakfast, which Sophie felt they pulled off very naturally – mostly achieved by her avoiding Sebastian the entire time – they walked back to the cabin together. As they went, Sophie felt hyper-aware of his hand swinging right next to hers, and had to fight an urge to grab it and squeeze it. She crossed her arms as if chilly, to stop herself.
‘Are you cold?’ said Sebastian, putting an arm round her.
Not helpful. Sophie stepped out of his reach. ‘Just walking,’ she said.
‘Gotcha,’ said Sebastian. ‘Don’t worry, Soph. We’ll have a little chat when we get back to the privacy of our dacha – I have heard Bella call it that, by the way – to work out how we’re going to deal with this slight peculiarity. We need a game plan, to keep things normal. We’ve both got enough weird going on.’
‘Good,’ said Sophie, relieved he understood.
Back at the cabin, she made some espressos and took one over to Sebastian, who was sitting on a sofa, looking out at the garden. When she then carried on towards an armchair opposite, he put out his hand and took hold of hers.
‘We don’t need to avoid each other, Soph,’ he said. ‘Sit with me. You have been the greatest possible comfort to me since my brother died – and I hope I can continue to support you in your grief. I really don’t want to let a momentary lapse of – what? decorum? convention? – come between us. As well as my widowed sister-in-law, you are probably my best friend, so I still want to be able to hug you when I think you need a hug. Is that okay?’
‘You’re right,’ said Sophie. ‘We’ll just add one cheeky kiss to our list of high jinks over the years. Matt would think it was hilarious.’
‘So would Freya,’ said Sebastian, ‘but I promise I won’t tell her. She’d probably get a column out of it.’
They laughed and Sophie felt more confident they could keep their relationship – their friendship – on its old footing. It was way too precious to lose.
‘So come up and stay soon,’ said Sebastian. ‘You’ve got the keys. I still want you to think of our house – my house – as your London base. Come next weekend, there’s a great exhibition on at the Hayward and there’s a new restaurant in Highgate village I want to try.’
It was an appealing invitation and normally she would have jumped at it, but after what had just happened, she didn’t think she would feel comfortable alone in that house with him. A place with so many memories of Matt and them all being together when the kids were young. It would feel awkward.
But she didn’t want to allow any distance to come between them either – and she could hear a new undercurrent of distress in Sebastian’s voice. With what he had going on with Freya, he didn’t want to spend another weekend there alone.
Then she remembered that Tamar was going away for a few days at the end of that week, so she would be all alone too. It was pointless for them both to be lonely in big houses.
‘Why don’t you come down to me instead?’ she said.
‘Great,’ said Sebastian. ‘I’d love to. I’ll get the train on Thursday afternoon if that suits. If I need to update anything for the paper on Friday, I can scan it in and send it from your place.’
It wasn’t until she got home and went to put the date in her diary that she realised that it was the Friday she had arranged to have lunch with Charlie. He’d invited her for a walk and ‘huddled picnic’ in the woods at his place. She had been really looking forward to it, but Sebastian was family and he clearly needed her support now, just as she had relied on his.
She sent Charlie a message: Really sorry, have to postpone lunch on Friday – a work thing has come up. Can you suggest another day? S xxx