Chapter 39
CHAPTER 39
Sophie was in the station car park waiting for Sebastian, who was due to arrive at any moment. She opened the car door to go on to the platform to meet him, then pulled her legs back in and closed it again. Then she flipped down the sunshade and looked in the mirror, wiping off the lipstick she’d just put on. What was wrong with her?
Her brother-in-law was coming for the weekend. It wasn’t like she hadn’t spent time with him before. He was probably the person she’d been on the most holidays with, apart from Matt. But of course, Matt and Freya had also been on those holidays. And she and Sebastian hadn’t recently had a delicious big snog.
She put her face in her hands and groaned. Had they wrecked a great friendship with a moment’s indiscretion? She couldn’t bear not to have him in her life. She loved his company and he was the one person she felt really understood all the facets of her grief – apart from the one she wasn’t telling him about – but now there was this other thing.
Pure lust.
How had that suddenly ambushed her? It was nothing new that Sebastian was a good-looking man who kept in shape; she could have recognised him in swimming trunks with a bag over his head. And while they had always flirted, as they’d acknowledged to each other, it had been in a platonic, mutual-appreciation way – but now, with them both suddenly weirdly single and after that one blissful kiss, had her feelings for him mutated into something completely different?
She really hoped not, but she couldn’t kid herself. Just the night before, she’d had a vivid erotic dream about him. Still, she was praying that when she saw his dear familiar face, her response would be ‘Hello, funny brother-in-law, dear old friend.’ Not ‘Rip your clothes off and get over here, Big Boy.’
She put her head on the steering wheel and groaned. Is this what it felt like to be Beau? Sex monstered?
She must have been mad to invite Sebastian to stay, but at the time, it had seemed like the best way to handle it. To meet the strangeness head on and deal with it, so their precious relationship – friendship! – within the wider family wouldn’t be damaged.
Or, alone together in the house, was she secretly hoping something else would happen?
She had her head back, eyes closed, trying to eliminate that idea from her consciousness when the car door opened and she felt a fat kiss land on her cheek. Her eyes snapped open.
‘Boo,’ said Sebastian quietly, his face close to hers.
Sophie scrabbled to sit upright. ‘Hi!’ she squeaked, but he was already opening the back door to throw his bag in and then getting in beside her.
‘Hello,’ he said, putting his seatbelt on and smiling at her, all that mischief in his eyes.
Sophie’s stomach lurched. She couldn’t think of anything to say. She just looked back at him.
‘So, are we going to have a picnic in the car park, in the great British tradition? Have you got the thermos?’
‘Right,’ she said, starting the engine. ‘Sorry. I’m a bit dazed. I was having a little nap. I got here early, by mistake.’
Once they got back to the house, Sophie felt more normal. She busied herself in the kitchen while he sat on a stool on the other side of the island, chatting and topping up her wine. She was glad there was a large immovable wooden structure between them, but as they talked about work and kids, it did all fall back into place. They felt like family again.
Mostly.
The next morning, they were walking down West Hill Road, taking the scenic route over to Hastings Old Town. It seemed safer to be out of the house.
‘That was so nice, last night,’ Sebastian said. ‘Just to watch Netflix and eat a curry together. No one needs much more than that in life to be happy, do they?’
‘No,’ said Sophie. ‘It’s nirvana.’
‘That was something Freya has never appreciated, the joy of staying in. She wanted to be out every night and I had to go to so many gruesome parties with her. She often didn’t even enjoy them herself – the right person hadn’t spoken to her, or had been seen speaking to a rival for longer than to her. It was so exhausting, I refused to go in the end. So I suppose the cracks between us were already there and I just haven’t acknowledged them.’
‘I never saw that side of her,’ said Sophie. ‘We always had such a great time together, in our little gang.’
‘Yes, the Fun Four brought out the best in her. The FOMO has got much worse recently. I think she’s worried some young thing is going to come up and scoop her gig from under her.’
‘That’s so weird for someone as brilliant as her. To be so insecure.’
‘The last time we talked was on Zoom,’ said Sebastian. ‘It was the first time I’d seen her face since she left. She’s had loads of Botox and I think some lip plumping.’
‘You’re kidding me.’
‘She looks like Kellyanne Conway. But less fresh-faced. Would you do that stuff?’
‘No flipping way,’ said Sophie. ‘I am what I am. A middle-aged woman, mooching towards later life and I’m proud for my face to show it.’
Sebastian stopped and looked at her seriously then took both her hands in his. ‘That’s why you’re so amazing,’ he said, sighing. ‘I know it’s wrong, but I want to kiss you again.’
Sophie froze, not sure whether she was feeling thrilled or horrified, and then pulled her hands away. ‘I’m sorry, Seb, I can’t deny it, I feel it too, but we have to resist. It would make everything hideously complicated and we’ve both got enough going on. And we’re out in public.’
Sebastian looked round the park. ‘There’s no one here. Are the trees going to see us?’
‘Someone I know could walk into this park from any of the gates. It’s small-town life. I don’t ever leave my house without bumping into people I know. It’s actually nice once you get used to it. Come on, let’s keep walking.’
Sophie stopped briefly at the top of Norman Road to say hi to her hairdresser, Ken. Then, further down, Olga was standing outside the Kino, and Holly and Helen from Shop were unloading boxes of stock on the opposite corner. Sophie said hi to them all, introducing Sebastian with particular emphasis on the words ‘brother-in-law’. Just to remind them both.
‘Okay,’ he said, as they crossed the road at Warrior Square, having greeted a couple more people on the way over, ‘I get it. It’s like being at school and seeing the same people constantly in the corridors.’
‘That’s it,’ said Sophie.
They stopped for a while on a seafront bench, just gazing at the water, breathing in the cool clear air. Sophie’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out to find a message from Beau. Her eyes open wide, she turned to look at Sebastian.
‘Something wrong?’ he asked.
‘Just surprising. It’s from Beau. He’s left London. Properly left it. For good. He’s staying with friends in Rye until next week, but then he wants to come and live with me, permanently.’
‘Ah... So no more little private interludes like this, then?’
‘As many interludes as you like, but not private, which is probably for the best.’
He looked back out to sea. Sophie couldn’t read what he was thinking and thought it better not to ask. She genuinely didn’t know what answer she wanted to hear.
‘And I have to be honest, Seb. I have been worried about how I’ll be when Tamar goes, which won’t be long now, the book is nearly finished. I don’t know if I can cope with being completely on my own.’
‘But that’s the thing,’ he said, sitting up and turning to face her. ‘You don’t need to be on your own. You’ve got me. If you want me that way.’
Sophie looked out at the sea now, too many thoughts chasing through her brain. She was so tired of it. Every time she got relief from the overthinking, something else happened to make her mind race and thoughts tumble. It was like Cirque du Soleil in there.
She loved spending time with Sebastian and the temptation to make it into something more serious was strong, but really, how could they? How could they tell their respective kids – two in the throes of devastating grief, the other two about to be hit by the shock of a divorce – that a weird auntie-and-uncle scene was now happening? And what would the rest of the family say?
Sophie couldn’t help smiling, though, picturing Bella’s face when she heard that news.
She stood up. ‘Come on, brother-in-law,’ she said. ‘Enough of that talk. Let’s keep powering on to the Old Town. There are some great pubs there and it will be nice to sit in the warmth for a bit.’
Twenty minutes later they arrived at the Crown, where Tessa found them a nice table tucked away in a corner of the snug, the cosy little room at the back with an open fire.
On her second pewter tankard of the house black velvet, Sophie was feeling deliciously relaxed, her head resting against the banquette. She turned to look at Sebastian as he told her a funny story about something that had happened at the paper the week before, trying not to think about his thigh pressed against hers.
A familiar voice snapped her out of her reverie.
‘Sophie.’
She looked up to see Charlie standing there.
‘And Seb,’ he added, reaching out to shake Sebastian’s hand. ‘Good to see you again.’
‘Oh, hi, Charlie,’ said Sophie, too eagerly, sitting up straight and inching away from Sebastian in a way she hoped wasn’t too obvious. ‘Seb is down for a visit. My brother-in-law, which you know, of course, ha ha... from the housewarming and the beach party.’
Oh, God. She wasn’t even speaking English.
‘Yes,’ said Charlie, smiling broadly as he always did, but Sophie could see something in his eyes, something that made her uncomfortable. A knowing look?
‘Well, good to see you both,’ he said. ‘I’m on the hunt for a friend I’m meeting. I thought she might be in the back here.’
She? Sophie immediately wondered why she’d noticed that and why it was any of her business who he was meeting.
‘Enjoy your drink,’ he said and turned to go.
‘I’ll ring you about that lunch,’ Sophie called after him.
‘Great,’ he said, half looking over his shoulder and raising a hand as he went.
Sophie felt very conscious of his back. Turned to her.
‘What lunch?’ said Sebastian.
‘Oh,’ she replied. ‘I was supposed to have lunch with him today and I cancelled him – for you.’
‘Good. Keep cancelling him.’
Sophie slapped the top of his arm with the back of her hand. ‘I’ll have lunch with whomsoever I choose, Mr Crommelin. Charlie has been a good friend to me ever since I moved here.’
‘I bet he has. Just make sure he doesn’t get into his sunflower swimming trunks again at any of these cosy lunches. He’s way too fit for an old bloke.’
‘He’s only a couple of years older than you, mister,’ said Sophie. And you should see him in eyeliner .