15. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
Kat
The next day was Henry’s birthday. He was turning twenty-nine, the last one before the big three-oh. I likely wouldn’t be in his life by that one, but that was what needed to happen. That was the plan. But this one… this one I needed to do something. I couldn’t help myself from doing something.
I only knew it was his birthday because Tam was a bit obsessive and had all the drivers’ birthdays in our shared personal calendar with Bex.
I wouldn’t be telling any of the guys that, though.
She needed at least the slightest chance of coming across as normal.
And they certainly wouldn’t believe the truth, which was that she kept track of their birthdays for analysis of their driving and likelihood of winning.
I hadn’t asked her about Henry’s analysis lately.
I had never listened to her anyway. I guessed now I knew why I could tell when he’d win, when he wouldn’t, and when he’d podium. Despite her analysis saying otherwise, sometimes. I’d known him. Made sense.
So, all of that was to say, I found myself sneaking around the garage for the umpteenth time.
In the dead of night, or wee hours of the morning, depending on who you asked.
I’d left around eleven, knowing that Henry had been lurking around the garage today, likely to make sure I was okay.
And he would leave when I did, because he wasn’t NEEDED for anything, today.
And the lurker had just been ‘passing through’ about ten times today, popping his head in to see me.
I appreciated the care. I did. But I was okay. And it wasn’t his job. It wasn’t anyone’s, other than my own. I could look after myself. Most of the time.
And I had been learning to accept help when I needed it. I just didn’t need it anymore. I had it under control, now.
So now it was just gone midnight. I had gone to several different drug stores that were open that late, trying to find what I was looking for. At the fifth shop, I finally found it. The perfect gift that I could leave in his room, and have him never know it was me that left it there.
Tiptoeing past Milo’s door despite the light being off—I really could never be sure if he was asleep in there—I hesitated in front of Henry’s door. Yet again, I’d be invading his personal space. But this time, it was to leave a gift. That was okay, right?
I gently placed the giant bag of Werther’s hard candies—and I meant giant—on his desk. I really wondered why they needed desks, but they both had them. Because obviously, this was a desk job. The only time they sat at a desk was during briefs. And those certainly weren’t in here.
Which led me to wonder… would he find it there? On his desk? I wasn’t sure. But a huge grin crossed my face when I realized exactly where it should go.
I gathered the hefty bag of candy up into my arms, crossing to where his kit was hung up nice and neat as always. If I was allowing myself to think those thoughts, I’d admit that I found his neatness adorable.
I settled the bag so that it was hanging on the bottom of the hanger—half the candy on one side, half on the other, balanced perfectly.
I groaned a little at the lift above shoulder level, knowing I’d been using my shoulder far too much today.
But my right hand was damn near useless.
It felt like I was back at square one with it, and honestly it seemed like I was.
My coding today had been slow and just fucking terrible.
Missed keys, brain fog from the damn pain meds causing mistakes, and the worst part—I was SLOW.
But as I snuck back out of his room, I did have to admit that there were some good parts of the day. For instance, I hadn’t had a single trigger issue today. And, I’d let Henry make me a cup of tea when he’d followed me into the break room at lunchtime.
Okay ‘let’ was probably a strong word. But I hadn’t fought him TOO much when he took the kettle from me when I was trying to balance it in the sink to fill it with two useless arms. And only growled a little when he plucked the tea bag out of my hands.
I hadn’t tried to touch the sugar or milk.
I had a feeling he’d growl right back if I made my tea the way I usually did.
Goddamn Brit.
I tried to watch for the ocean out the window on my quiet ride back to the hotel. Even though it was dark. And Melbourne wasn’t on the ocean per se. But there was water somewhere, I knew that. And water always made me feel calm. Even now.
Alas, I didn’t spot anything of import, and I quickly thanked my driver as I climbed out of the SUV at the hotel. I hadn’t found any I’d liked nearly as much as my favorite back in Bahrain, but none of them had been bad. Just not the same as my first.
C’est la vie.
I promised myself that if I saw Henry today, I would wish him a happy birthday. And that it wouldn’t be a big deal. I couldn’t not, honestly. I knew. I knew it was his birthday and I couldn’t ignore that and just pretend I didn’t know. Even if he didn’t know that I knew. I just… couldn’t.
But as I settled in to work, still slower than hell from my still useless hand, I hadn’t seen him.
I hadn’t been looking, exactly, either. But I wasn’t NOT looking.
I wasn’t avoiding him. At least not today.
Not until after I wished him a happy birthday.
I couldn’t lie—I did want to acknowledge it. Even just in passing.
Pulling on my jacket—it was habit now—I sat gently, my hip still a bit angry from sleeping on that hospital bed.
And I hadn’t exactly been getting much sleep, most nights.
Every night was still plagued with vivid nightmares.
Well, almost every night. But I wasn’t thinking about the nights that I had slept very well, very peacefully, not a dream to be remembered.
Because I couldn’t have those nights. Couldn’t rely on them.
I needed to figure it out on my own.
Tucking my purple headphones over my ears, I just got to work. I was already mourning the day next week when I’d need to wear the team headset instead of my headphones. I coded better with music. The team radio was… distracting. And the team couldn’t afford for me to be distracted.
Since I knew I was slower than cold molasses lately, I’d shown up early so I could work longer. Even thought I’d only gotten a few hours of “sleep”. If I wasn’t sleeping anyway, I might as well have been working. Being productive. Helping.
Despite being slow, I still got into a rhythm.
When I stood some hours later, I groaned at how stiff every piece of me was.
My hip, shoulder, hand, neck, back. Injured bits, normal bits, all angry.
I stretched briefly, then realized all that coffee that morning was making its presence known.
I wandered down the hall to the bathroom, wondering at the slow progression of life here in the garage.
Some people were starting to hang around, some I knew, some I didn’t.
A few of the mechanics and engineers had been in and out, probably to check on the cars and equipment and make sure nothing had been damaged in the transfer.
Basti was hanging around somewhere, probably stroking a white fluffy cat in his office chair as he watched all of the security cameras.
That image made me smile, even if I knew he wasn’t a villain.
He just always seemed to know more than he should.
Glancing around nervously before pushing into the bathroom, I breathed a sigh of relief.
It was like Basti knew when someone was thinking unfavorable thoughts and popped up when he was least wanted.
But I was safe.
For now.