83. Chapter Eighty-Three
Chapter Eighty-Three
Kat
Isat there long enough that the shadows had disappeared, telling me more accurately than my stomach that it was around lunchtime.
And I sat there long enough that the numbness started to fade. Because I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
How my dad would be ashamed of me. For so many reasons. I felt the need to face him, and talk to him. I knelt under the shelter of his branches, and I confessed.
“Hi, Daddy,” I started. In case he didn’t know it was me. I sobbed. Already.
“I’m, um… not really sure where to begin. I had been trying so hard. HAVE been trying so hard. I thought it was all finally beginning, in Vegas,” I admitted.
“And it was. The software was picked up, and a team wanted to use it. On their cars. In Formula 1. I was finally going to start protecting drivers from what happened to you. What I THOUGHT happened to you…” I trailed off, unable to speak through my sobs.
I leaned my forehead against the rough bark, willing the tears to stop. It didn’t work.
Imagine that.
“And I met someone. You already know this part, I’m sure.
But then Mom started saying weird things, and then her house was burned down and people were shooting at me and then Henry called me Firecat.
And I didn’t know who to trust, Daddy,” I sobbed, hiding my face in my hands. I didn’t want him to see me like this.
“And then that box, Daddy. That fucking BOX. Why didn’t you TELL me?
! Why didn’t you TRY to explain before you died?
Everything about my life is built on LIES.
Next, you’ll be telling me my name isn’t Kat,” I joked bitterly.
But then I froze. Because if my dad really was…
then… I shook my head. It didn’t matter.
Who cared what my name was.
I could just pick a new one in Kenya. I sat back on my heels to tell the next part of my story, my confession.
“And if it wasn’t bad enough that Henry had almost died in Vancouver, I almost got him killed again.
At the gala. And again… after. I tried. I tried to save him like Uncle Seb told me to and I still haven’t apologized for all those awful things I said…
” I trailed off again, unable to keep myself from thinking that after everything I’d said to him, obligation was likely the only thing left driving Henry to walk into that warehouse.
“I didn’t mean them… I DIDN’T. And then…
the warehouse. Daddy, I can’t actually tell you about the warehouse.
I just… can’t. I think about it every second of every day, sometimes I relive it as if it were happening right now, but I can’t SAY any of it.
And I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I blurted before the sobs overtook me again.
“I’m scared, Dad. I don’t know what the right thing to do anymore is.
It was so simple as a kid. It was all so very black and white.
Even the hard things. And now? I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing, am doing the right thing.
I thought not killing an unarmed man was the right thing, and now he’s still haunting our lives,” I cried out, knowing no one could hear me on our thick swathe of property.
“I should’ve killed him, Dad. I should’ve.
I know that now. And I WILL kill him if he ever tries again.
I know that for certain. And that’s one thing I don’t think you’d argue with me on,” I said quietly.
Firmly. Fiercely. That was one of the only things I knew to be true right now.
I would fucking kill Donovan if he ever got near Henry again. Empty handed or no.
“You saw it. You saw that goodness in him, Daddy. Just like I did. But then you-“ I started, but the sharp ring of my phone cut me off. I glanced down.
It was Andrew. Well, no time like the present for my dad to hear what everyone thought of me. I clicked the green button.
“Are you happy? You got what you wanted, after all,” I said softly, truly asking, not a hint of venom in my voice.
He had been right, after all.
I’d told Henry to let them save him from me.
Now, he could.
“No, Kat, I’m not bloody happy! I’m SORRY for what I said. What I did. I’m so fucking sorry,” he said, sounding honestly rather distraught. Only one of us got to be melting down at the same time and it was MY turn.
Had been for a while now, but still. I deserved it more.
“You don’t need to be sorry, Andrew. I know what I did,” I said in a quiet but even voice. I leaned to the side, my legs popping out from under me a little as my butt hit the grass with a graceless ‘oof’.
“No, Kat. You collapsed. I believe you. I’m sorry I didn’t. I just, I checked, and you weren’t there and it was right when Henry started screaming and I just… assumed,” he choked out. It sounded like he was crying right along with me.
“And I went bloody mental. After everything that had happened since that award dinner thing, and how Henry was feeling that night, and then everything after, everything he DID, I just couldn’t believe it,” he finished, calming down a little.
But I hadn’t been there.
On top of his screams from the warehouse, I now had his screams from the hospital echoing around and around and around in my head.
That was why I knew even after I’d confessed, my dad was still ashamed of me.
Because he had to have heard those screams from wherever he was now.
“You were right, Andrew. I poison everything I touch. It’s better this way. He’s safer this way. Can’t you see?” I asked, sobbing quietly.
“You’re ALL safer this way. I’m the reason my dad died.
I’m the reason Henry almost died more than once.
I can’t carry any more. I can’t deal with any more guilt and shame.
So, I’m going to go,” I finished resolutely.
I leaned my forehead against my dad’s tree, and I hung up the phone on Andrew’s next words.
They didn’t matter anymore.
He’d gotten what he wanted, needed, and I was leaving his life—and his best friend’s life—forever.
And I wouldn’t be missed.