Chapter 17
Wraith
Redemption. That’s what kissing her feels like, having her in my arms. She’s not sorry for what I did to her earlier. She doesn’t see me as the bastard who stole something precious from her.
I spent all morning watching my brother, an innocent man, be punished for something he didn’t do.
I spent the entire time while Gage’s blood was spilled and his screams rent the air, trying to think how I could possibly beg her forgiveness for the harsh way I treated her.
The guilt ate at me right along with the rage and the sorrow of old memories, rearing their ugly heads and sinking their teeth into flesh that I thought had toughened over the years.
While Gage took that beating, I felt it should have been me.
I was the one who hurt Leena.
I was the one who wronged her.
I was no better than the demons from my past.
I knew I could never atone for my sins, but I never accounted for Leena.
For the way she’d look at me, for how fearlessly she’d fight for me, pull me from the swirling black sea I was drowning in, had always been drowning in.
How she’d wrap around my aching soul and heal the wounds that lie gaping on its surface.
When she pulls away, Leena’s panting. I drop my gaze to her heaving chest, her tight, perky tits straining under the sundress she has on.
It’s too bad she paired it with leggings, even though it’s short as hell.
Or wore panties. Too bad, because I would have liked to sneak a peek at her, swollen and glistening for me already.
I give my head a fucking shake. There is no way I can do this with her again.
No fucking way I can lose control like I did this morning, and with my nerves shredded as they are at the moment, what I need to do is get in a frigid shower, beat my dick into submission, and go for a long run to release the pent-up adrenaline buzzing through my veins.
The last thing I want to do is hurt her.
“I… this morning… Leena…” Fuck. It would help if I could get a coherent thought together. “I think we should give it some time. I mean, you’re probably sore. I wasn’t gentle.”
“I already said I didn’t want you to be. You gave me what we both needed.”
Fuck. She was so fucking right about that.
“I wouldn’t have chosen that for you, if I had known.”
She blinks, her eyes shining with pain I don’t want to see there. “I didn’t want candles and flowers and boxes of chocolates, if that’s what you mean.”
I clench my jaw so hard that it ticks between us like a damn bomb.
I screw my eyes shut. She doesn’t know. She can’t know why I feel the way I do because I haven’t told her.
Because I don’t want to tell her. To put that shit between us.
I’ve never told a soul in my life about that shit.
If I did, she’d probably never want to have sex with me again.
She’d probably demand a goddamn divorce.
“It’s not that,” I grind past the fist-sized lump wedged up in my windpipe. “I… you’re… I want to take it slow with you. This isn’t just something casual. We’re married. There’s a lot riding on this for both of us. For everyone.”
“I know,” she breathes, but her eyes don’t shine with any less heat as she stares me down. “But it felt right. It felt so right.”
“You’re younger than I thought.” It’s a stupid thing to say and I wish I could take back the awkward words. I should have done the math sooner when she was talking about the courses she wants to take.
“I’m old enough to know my own mind, if that’s what you mean.
And before you ask, I’m on the pill. I’m not stupid.
I know that most people lose their virginity before now.
My father was very strict. Dating was out of the question, and I didn’t find anyone I was attracted to anyway.
Not that I wanted to do that with. But I knew it was probably coming.
Sometime in the future. I wasn’t going to live in my father’s house forever or maybe I’d run into someone and things would change.
I don’t know. It was stupid, but I went to the doctor and got the shot four months ago. ”
“That’s not stupid.”
“No?”
“No.” I can’t stop myself from cupping her face between my hands. “No. It’s not. Wanting to protect yourself. Be responsible. Knowing your own mind. That is not stupid.”
“I’m telling you that I know my own mind. That for the first time… I want this. With you.”
“I hurt you.” I feel like a damn broken record right about now, but it still doesn’t stop me.
“Yes, but it was just for a second. I would have enjoyed it if you kept going.” Her whole face flushes scarlet.
“I did enjoy it.” She blinks hard, before her eyes sweep back up to my face.
“It’s you I’m worried about. You had a terrible morning.
A hard last few days. I just hit you and made you bleed, so as for hurting, I’d say we’re even. ”
“We’re far from—”
Her hands jerk away from mine, which are still planted on her face, and drop down, running the length of my chest to stop at my belt.
I let out a hard groan and jerk like I’ve just been shot.
Believe me, I know all about that and what it feels like and having her sweet, small hands inches away from my cock is just about as painful.
“I want to make you feel good. Like you did for me. We don’t have to- to do everything right away, but I want this. I want you to teach me.”
“Like hell I’m gonna let you get down on your knees and—”
“Stop,” she breathes, raggedly. She already knows me better than I know me. “Don’t think that about yourself. I want to take you in my mouth.”
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
A man would have to be a damn saint to say no to something like that. Especially as Leena tears away and slides down slowly to her knees. Her hands tremble at my buckle and I barely resist the urge to tear all of our clothes off and take her again.
Unbidden, my hands reach down to fist in her delicious chocolate hair.
Even though the rational part of me tells me to tear her hands away and stand her up, the baser part of me wins out.
I want her too fucking badly. I let her undo my belt and with that click of metal, I know there isn’t any going back.