Chapter 5
Claire
“Mama, you’ve got to take this,” I urged her, but she swatted my hand away again. I’d been fighting with her for the last thirty minutes to take a Tylenol so her fever would go down. Her water was now lukewarm, and my patience was wearing thin.
She was fine this morning, if not a little more lethargic than usual, but Emmett came outside about three hours ago, looking clueless, to tell me she was pale and clammy. When I came inside to check on her, she was burning up.
“Let me rest,” she whined, turning her face away from me.
“I will if you take this pill. It’ll help you feel better.”
“Leave me alone!” Her voice hit harder than any slap could. My hands fell to my lap, nearly spilling the water all over the floor.
My mother had never yelled at me. Even when she scolded us as kids, her reprimands were full of love.
Never sharp. Never cruel. Not like how she just spoke.
The doctors told me she might become irritable towards the end, especially at night, but I hadn’t believed them because that just wasn’t who she was.
Apparently, I was wrong.
I turned over my shoulder, finding Emmett hovering in the doorway.
The look on his face was one of pure heartbreak and devastation, mixed with rage.
I knew that feeling all too well, but didn’t have the luxury of showing it like he could.
It was my job as the oldest to hold down the fort, to make sure everyone was okay, to keep things smooth sailing.
Nothing about watching your mother die was okay or smooth sailing.
Emmett stormed off, slamming the back door behind him, and I was left shouldering this burden alone once again. I swallowed back my frustration, knowing it’d do nothing beneficial.
Taking a deep breath, I gathered all the strength I had, which was practically none, and faced my mother again. “No. Now take this pill,” I demanded, my voice firmer than it had ever been with her.
Mama looked up at me, her brown eyes that used to be so full of warmth and joy were now dull and flat. She opened her mouth, surrendering. It reminded me of when she would argue with us to take our medicine as kids, and we’d cave when she promised we’d get chocolate after.
Man, how the tables had turned.
I popped the pill in her mouth, and while I held the glass of water for her to drink, the smoke alarm started blaring.
“Fuck,” I hissed and ran into the kitchen. A plume of smoke escaped as I opened the oven, revealing the burnt-to-a-crisp lasagna. I rushed it outside, propping the door open to let all the smoke out.
I stared down at the ruined dish. It was Mama’s go-to after a hard day, and I thought it’d remind her of better times.
Times when all of us kids were under her roof and Dad was alive.
All of us together and happy and healthy.
I’d sit on the counter while she put together all the layers, stealing pieces of cheese and making her laugh.
My chest grew tight, each breath harder than the last, while the word failure rang through my mind. No matter how hard I tried, it seemed like something was always falling to the wayside.
I looked up to the sky, hoping it’d do its usual trick of calming me down, of making me realize how small my problems were. But it did nothing this time. It was just another ‘fuck you’ the universe threw at me.
A knot lodged itself in my throat while I took in the pinks and oranges and peaches. I would not cry. I refused to cry over burnt lasagna. Except this wasn’t about lasagna. It was about how every part of my life was a catastrophic disaster, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
I blinked away the stinging in my eyes, burying the sadness deep. When I finally felt like I could breathe, I looked down, only to find Beau standing on the other side of the fence line in his yard. He was practicing lassoing with a dummy.
I’d seen him do it before, considering our houses were only about half a football field apart. But this time… I swallowed roughly. This time was different for some reason. For starters, he had never been shirtless until now.
He looked a lot different from the last time I’d seen that much of his skin back when we were teens. But he wasn’t a boy anymore; he was a man now. A man packed with muscle.
He was slick with sweat, arms flexing as he threw the rope. He got it around the bull’s horns every time, of course. There was a flash of black ink when he moved his arm out of the way. I squinted and made out the Circle M brand on his left pec under a smattering of dark chest hair.
My mouth went dry.
He looked over, doing a double-take when he saw me staring at him like a fucking pervert.
I shouldn’t have been looking at him at all.
I needed to go inside and check on Mama.
But I couldn’t get my feet to move for some reason.
It reminded me of the last time I’d seen him shirtless in the creek before he left for college. I had that same dazed, frozen feeling.
“I think it’s done,” he shouted across the land between us.
“What?” The word sounded like a strangled yelp. I cleared my throat. “What?”
He dipped his chin, gesturing to my hands. Oh, right. The smoking lasagna. I was glad he wasn’t close enough to see the heat rising in my cheeks. He’d never let it go.
“Send your proposal in? Or did you come to your senses and drop out?”
It hit me like a freight train. The proposal for Cavendish was due today at five. I had forgotten all about it. I staggered back, the world tilting. “Oh my God,” I croaked.
I dropped the lasagna in the yard, the glass dish shattering, and sprinted inside. Beau’s laughter chased me all the way. A panicked whimper tore itself from my throat when I looked at the clock on the stove that now read 5:43.
I yanked open my laptop, my hands trembling. Everything was ready, but I had to check again, not sure I could trust myself anymore. The screen blurred through my tears. How could I have been so stupid?
I wiped my eyes roughly and typed a quick message to the Cavendish representative, apologizing for the proposal being late and explaining that there had been a family emergency. It took me longer than usual to type due to my shaking, but I managed to send it all off three minutes before six.
My back met my mattress, panting as if I had just run a marathon. I couldn’t afford to drop the ball like that again. The ranch’s future depended on this partnership; it had to be my top priority.
The rollercoaster of emotions I just ran through in the last thirty minutes was enough to drain the remaining energy I had left.
My appetite was long gone, and I knew Mama wouldn’t eat.
I should’ve made her, but I didn’t have the strength to fight her on it after her yelling at me.
Emmett would just have to fend for himself.
It’s what he deserved for leaving me earlier, anyway.
God, I needed wine. And a bubble bath. Probably the only two things that would keep me from screaming at this point.
A few minutes later, after lighting a few candles and flipping the lights off, I let out a deep sigh as I settled into the tub. Warm water and lavender-scented bubbles surrounded me, and my muscles instantly loosened. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done something like this. Probably months.
I took a large sip of my wine, careful not to spill it since I filled the glass nearly to the rim.
I pressed play on my laptop, and Reese Witherspoon running down the beach in a wedding dress in the rain popped up on my screen.
I had probably watched Sweet Home Alabama a million times in my life, but it was still my favorite romance movie.
There was just something so wholesome about a second-chance romance that got to me.
It’d taken me about a week to watch it this time, having to pause between chores, taking care of Mama, and working on the proposal, but I finally got to my favorite part.
The end credits rolled, so I shut my laptop and took a few gulps of wine.
I’d been running on fumes for so long, I’d forgotten what it was like to exist for myself.
All my time was spent keeping Mama stable, managing the ranch, and waiting for Emmett to inevitably leave like Savannah and Tess had.
But here, alone in this tub with the outside world shut out, I remembered I used to be a person.
A person with hopes and dreams and needs of her own.
I leaned back against the tub, letting my eyes fall closed. I sank lower into the water until only my head was over the surface. The porcelain was cold and harsh against my back, but the wine in my system had me quickly imagining it was something else.
Someone else.
Beau McLeod and his smug smile.
The memory of him from earlier came to the forefront of my mind. Slick skin, bulging biceps, that tattoo…
My lips parted on a shaky breath when my hands began to wander slowly under the cover of bubbles. Chills danced up my spine despite the warm water as my fingertips skimmed my inner thigh. My legs fell open wider, and my hand moved higher, reaching where I had started to ache.
It’d been so long since I’d been touched. Desired. Needed in a way that had nothing to do with responsibility. I thought of Beau. The way his eyes ran over me the other day at Circle M, how they snagged on my hips and chest. On my lips. It was a fleeting look, but just long enough for me to notice.
It didn’t take my mind long to replace my hands with Beau’s—rougher, stronger, just what I needed.
It was too easy to imagine his body cradling mine in this tub, his stubble tickling my cheek as he kissed along my neck while he teased me with those capable hands.
It felt so real. So real I could practically feel his tongue drag along my skin.
His hand found my breast while the other worked between my legs.
My back bowed, gasping breaths leaving me.
A desperate whimper left me as he toyed with my nipple and pressed harder on my clit.
His chuckle was deep and taunting in my ear—a reminder of who was really in charge.
That arrogance usually made me see red, but now, it only drove my need higher.
I ground my hips into his hand, chasing after the pleasure building inside me. Heat rose to my cheeks, sweat prickled at my temples, and the water sloshed with his movements. Every stroke sent the pressure building in my lower belly tighter, higher, more intense.
My toes curled. My muscles locked. And that pressure nearly exploded—
Until my fucking phone started to buzz on the tray over the water, shocking me out of the fantasy like a bucket of ice water.
Savannah’s name flashed on the screen as my phone vibrated along the wooden slab.
I didn’t know whether to be relieved or infuriated that she had interrupted.
I desperately needed the release, but for it to have been because of Beau?
No way in hell. Maybe it was for the best, even if my body was crying out in protest. I wiped my hands off and answered before it went to voicemail.
She’d probably think I was dead if I didn’t answer.
“Hey.”
“Why are you out of breath?” she asked, skipping pleasantries, but my sister was never one to beat around the bush.
I fidgeted in the tub as if she knew exactly what I was doing. “Don’t worry about it. What’s up?”
“Nothing. Just wanted to see how Mom was.” Savannah had stopped calling our mother Mama the summer before she left for Stanford eleven years ago. She didn’t want to be made fun of for her accent and forced it away.
“She’s fine—well, not fine, but the same.” I wasn’t going to tell her about Mama’s outburst or that she was growing weaker by the day. I knew she wouldn’t want me to tell the others. I wouldn’t have told Emmett if it weren’t for the fact that he was there when it happened.
It felt deceitful to lie to my siblings—not that Tess ever checked in long enough for me to tell her—but it was for the best. They didn’t need the burden I carried every day. Especially Savannah. She needed to focus on her life in Dallas and not worry about home.
“That’s good, I guess,” she said. Paper shuffling came over the line.
“Are you working? It’s nearly seven.”
“Downtime is for people without billable hours,” she countered. I rolled my eyes, smiling into the phone. “I heard you’re trying to get some fancy partnership for the ranch. What’s that all about?”
“Just wanting to expand. Make Golden Bridle more established, and a partnership with Cavendish Academy would do that.” She had no idea how bad things were. And she wouldn’t. Not if I could help it.
I sat up abruptly, water and bubbles falling over onto the floor.
“Actually, do you think Delilah would be willing to help? She just got her equine therapist license, didn’t she?
I’m going against those egomaniacs at Circle M, and I have a feeling they’re going to use Joseph Roberts’s pull.
” Just mentioning Beau, even indirectly, made me fidget.
I’d probably never be able to look him in the eye again.
“Yeah, a few months ago. I’m sure she’d help. Especially if it meant taking those assholes down. You should text her.”
“Okay, I will.” I felt bad that I hadn’t thought of Delilah helping until now, that I hadn’t stayed in touch more regularly. While she was technically Savannah’s best friend, we all grew up together like siblings, so she was another little sister to me.
Yet another thing I dropped the ball on.
“Well, I gotta go. Give Mom a kiss for me. And if you need help with the legal stuff, let me know. I’ll even give you a discount,” she teased.
“Gee, thanks,” I smiled.
“Talk to you later.”
“Yeah, bye.”
I sent Delilah a text, letting her know what was going on, and her response was almost immediate.
I can’t wait to make those assholes get on their knees and lick our boots.
I grinned at her typical Delilah Chase response, feeling hopeful that we actually stood a chance against Circle M.