Chapter Five
“I’ll take the couch tonight.”
“Looks uncomfortable and kind of small.”
“I’ll manage.”
“Don’t be silly. We shared my bed last night.”
Yeah, and it was pure torture because all I wanted was to fuck her.
To claim that smart-ass mouth of hers. To see those pretty little lips wrapped around my cock and sucking me bone dry.
To devour her cunt. For her to ride my fingers, my face, and my dick.
To bend her over the bed and take her from behind.
To kiss those perfect tits. To cum on her stomach.
No, scratch that. To cum in that sweet snatch between her thighs.
To put my claim on her with my teeth. To fill her up in every damn hole. To let the world know Neva is mine.
I can’t do any of that, though.
It’d be signing my death warrant. Devil and Storm would kill me and not think twice about it.
“The couch is fine.”
“Whatever.” She lets the ball of gray fluff loose. He sticks his nose and his tail in the air and explores the bed, sniffing the unfamiliar smells. Learning the lay of the room.
“He won’t piss to mark his territory, will he?”
“Mr. Tinkles is well behaved. Aren’t you, my precious darling boy?” She scoops him up and plants kisses all over his face.
“You know he licks his ass, don’t you?”
“Jealous? I bet you would suck your own dick if you could reach it.”
I snort. “Don’t need to. That’s what I got you for.” The smart remark rolls off my tongue before I can stop it.
“Ha. As if. You wish I’d blow you.”
Yeah, Bean. I wish a lot of things.
“Nah, you’d probably make sloppy work of it and bite it. You wouldn’t know what to do with it.”
“I’ve not had any complaints.”
Rage streams through my veins. “Who?”
“You want a name?”
“Yeah, Bean. Whose dick have you been sucking?” I ball my fists, ready to hunt them down and bash their fucking skulls in. “Don’t tell me it was that slimy little prick from earlier.”
“And what if it was? What’s it to you?”
“Nothing. I just think your old man would be disappointed.”
“Like he cares what I do.” She shakes her head.
“You know, that’s what I hate about men.
You guys can stick their dicks in anything.
Fuck whoever you want. As many women as you want, and no one cares.
Hell, they will pat you on the back and say, atta boy.
But if a girl does it, she’s a whore. A slut.
Dirty. You shame them. Why is it okay for men but not women to fuck as many people as they want? ”
“It just is.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
“Because, Bean. A man wants his woman to be his and only his.”
“You think women don’t want that? You think I want to fuck you after you’ve been fucking club whores? Newsflash, buddy. It’s not sexy. It’s fucking gross. I wouldn’t suck your dick if you paid me or begged me because I know where it’s been.”
“What would you know about my dick?”
“Not a damn thing.” Tears burn in the corners of her eyes, glittering with a pain I never noticed before.
Does Neva have feelings for me? She’s the one thing I want that I can’t have. Doesn’t she see I have to push her away?
“How about I get us some lunch?”
“Walk away because the conversation got too real,” she shouts after me.
“Stay put,” I growl, hating that she’s right.
Despising the fact that she knows me too damn well.
That she sees straight through me. The door rattles behind me as I stomp out into the cold.
Fuck. I didn’t get the room key. There’s no way I’m going back in that room right now.
If I do, I’ll do something I won’t be able to take back.
I shove a hand in my pocket and pull out my smokes.
I light one up and watch the smoke curl and dissipate into the frigid air.
Tobacco pulls through my lungs, calming me.
I wander down the street from the motel, seeing what’s close by and hoping like hell everyone hasn’t closed up shop due to the weather.
There’s a gas station at the end of the street, and across the road there’s a diner and a tire shop with a bar on the other side. I’ll be heading there later. For now, I go over to the diner to order takeout.
Neva has been a picky eater since she was a kid. For the longest time, all she’d eat was grilled cheese sandwiches or chicken tenders and mashed potatoes. I know better than to order her a burger. She hates anything greasy.
I play it safe and order her a chicken tender meal. The diner is backed up with orders. Seems the motel is full of travelers like us who got stuck in the storm.
By the time I get back to the room, an hour has passed. It takes Neva a minute to let me in. I can tell she’s been crying, and I feel like shit about it.
She utters a barely there thanks and takes her food to the bed where she’s watching some sappy Christmas movie.
I sit at the table alone with my burger and fries.
That damn cat is staring at me with its judgmental eyes.
Like he knows I’m the reason Neva is sad.
If I made a move on her, my life would be screwed.
It sounds selfish, but I like my life. Love the club.
Neva would slide right in perfectly except I’m not good enough for her.
Never have been. Never will be. Devil would never sign off on it, and Storm would hate me.
He’s already pissed I went against him in the last club vote. This would send him over the edge.
“Food okay?” I ask after too much silence stretching between us.
“Fine.”
“What’s your movie about?”
“Christmas,” she gives another one-word response without meeting my gaze.
“Is that how it’s going to be, Neva? All or nothing?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” She scratches her kitty behind his ears and gives him a small piece of her chicken.
If that’s how she wants to play this, I’ll give it to her for now. But before we get back to Blackwood, we’ve gotta settle this shit hanging between us. I don’t know what she wants from me, but whatever it is, we both know I can’t give it.
No matter how badly I want to root myself so deep inside her, I never find my way out. I can’t be the man she needs. I stare out the window as the snow continues to fall, making leaving this place anytime soon nearly impossible.
We’ve got to make the best of it. Somehow. But fuck every time I look at her, all I want is to kiss her. To tell her it doesn’t fucking matter. That I want her, however I can have her.
I check the time on my phone. It’s not even two in the evening yet.
“Come on.”
“What?”
“Let’s go do some Christmas shopping.”
“It’s freezing out there, and since when do you like to shop any day, let alone for a holiday?”
“Just thought you might want to get out of this room for a bit.” I rub a hand over my unruly hair.
“Fine.”
I excuse myself to the bathroom while she takes her cat out to piss in the snow or some shit.
When I’m done freshening up, I glance out the window and see her having a fucking photoshoot with her damn cat.
He’s got on his pink pajamas with candy canes on them and a red velvet Santa hat that’s trimmed with white fur.
I pull my coat back on and walk outside. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Making content. Mr. Tinkles is quite popular online.”
“Your cat has a social media following?”
“Yup. People love him, and companies send me free stuff and pay me to make videos of Mr. Tinkles testing their products.”
“People pay you for pictures of your cat?”
“Videos pay more.”
“Now I’ve fucking heard it all. You got enough content yet?”
“Almost.” She smirks at me. “Hold him for a second.”
“I don’t want to.” She shoves him into my chest, forcing me to take hold of the fluffy shithead.
“What am I supposed to do with him?” I pet the back of his neck. “He is really soft.”
“Don’t move.”
“Why?”
The shutter of her phone camera clicks.
“You aren’t posting pics of me with your cat.”
“Don’t be a dick. People will love this. Especially the BookTok girlies.”
“The who?”“You don’t want to know.”
“You’re a real pain in my ass, you know that?”
“I try.”
“You got what you want?”
“For now. Just let me get him out of his jammies and we can go.”
“Right,” I mutter and grab the room key off the dresser while she plays with her pussycat.