Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
S ophie returned to set the following morning with buckets of Christmas cookies and nothing to lose. All night, she'd had muddled dreams—dreams of Jeremy and Derek, of past versions of herself she no longer related to, and of future ideas of her life she couldn't fully name. In one startling image, she'd found herself floating in a turquoise pool in Los Angeles as Derek sat at the edge, a cocktail in his hand. He'd been smiling at her. And then he'd said something. What was it?
"Earth to Sophie!" Randy's voice yanked her back to set.
Sophie laughed and filled a mug with coffee for herself.
"Sorry," she said. "I'm having trouble waking up today."
"How was your day off?" Randy asked as he pulled buckets of breakfast foods onto the catering table and clapped his hands.
"My sister and I went for a long drive," Sophie said dreamily. "Don't you just love to drive and drive through the snowy woods, talking about everything?"
Randy smiled. "Fiona and I do that all the time."
The cast and crew were still arriving, milling through their new setup outside the Willow Creek courthouse. Today, they were filming the "epilogue" scene, in which Natalie and Brent's characters get married and run down the courthouse steps and into the snowy streets. From where she stood, Sophie could barely see Natalie in a trailer, wearing a white wedding dress and getting her makeup done. Brent was already in his "wedding" tuxedo, chatting with the sound guys nearby.
Sophie scanned the crew for signs of Derek. Where was he? Usually, he was one of the very first on set, dressed all in black, his wild curls whipping through the early morning winds. But today? The assistant director was seated in Derek's chair. What did that mean? Were directors allowed to take the day off?
The assistant director spoke into the microphone a few minutes later. "Places, everyone. I want to get this shot before the light changes."
Sophie's heart pounded. She felt as though Derek was a ghost that had disappeared through a wall and floated into the ether.
Is this what it means to be ghosted? she wondered. She'd heard the expression online and in television shows, but she'd never imagined she'd experience it herself.
Was Derek going to quit the film to get away from me?
Suddenly, Sophie felt as though she was going to collapse. Her stomach seized.
"You okay, boss?" Randy asked, touching her arm. "You look a little green."
Sophie forced a smile and hurried to finish her morning tasks. "I'm fine! Maybe I ate something weird last night."
"I can always call in reinforcements," Randy reminded her. "You can go home whenever you like."
But Sophie didn't want to go home. All she would do there was wander around her living room, staring at the Christmas tree and remembering the brief yet intoxicating afternoon she and Derek had spent together.
Cindy texted her a few minutes later.
CINDY: Have you seen your lovable Grinch yet?
Sophie flared her nostrils and typed back:
He disappeared!
Cindy texted back immediately, but Sophie didn't have the heart to read it. She didn't need more reassurance from her sister.
She wanted to run into the snowy woods and cry and cry.
Just before lunchtime, Randy asked her if she was ready to chat about the Christmas Festival. Sophie felt weary just looking at the to-do list for the upcoming three-day festival—the games and prizes they still had to arrange and the people they had to convince to volunteer so everything ran smoothly. Why hadn't she kept her involvement strictly food-based? Because I love Willow Creek was her answer.
But she was exhausted.
Feeling slightly frantic, Sophie chatted with Randy about the Christmas Festival for the next half hour as they prepped for lunch. Randy took it in stride and reminded her three times that "everything was going to go to plan."
When the assistant director called for a break, a storm of cast and crew approached, ripping away from their equipment to feast on the Irish stew Sophie had made. Sophie forced a smile as her heart pumped. Who could she ask about Derek's absence? Where was Cara?
Finally, Mike, Isaac, and Beck appeared. She felt safest with them.
"Any news on the director?" Sophie asked, trying to keep her voice light.
"We heard he was out sick," Isaac said as he spooned stew into his bowl.
"The assistant director said we're too behind schedule to take a break for Derek's health," Mike said. "I told you early on— Silver Bells is cursed!"
Sophie's head thrummed. Maybe Derek had avoided her after their kiss yesterday because he wasn't feeling well? Perhaps he'd been out of his mind?
Sophie got up the nerve to take yet another half day off.
She'd made buckets and buckets of stew for the cast and crew.
Stew just happened to be one of the most heartwarming foods ever. If Derek was really sick, she'd bring him some. It would cure him.
She knew it.
Randy was happy to let Sophie go again. She could tell he liked making decisions for Culinary Tastings and picking up the slack. Sophie piled a big to-go container with ladles full of stew, closed it up, and hurried off. Conveniently, Vic had written her that morning to say her car was fixed and ready to go, so she ran off to pick it up at his auto shop. Vic was in back, his overalls smudged with grease. When he smiled, Sophie realized just how much Peter already looked like his dad.
"Thanks a bunch, Vic!" she called as she clambered into the driver's seat.
"Sorry it took so long," he said. "That spare part didn't come in till the other day."
Sophie waved her hand. It felt like decades since she'd had a working car. In reality, it had only been a few weeks.
Time was strange when you were falling in love.
Sophie knew exactly where Derek's cabin was. Lodged deep in the forest, it once served as a hunting cabin for her great-grandfather before her grandfather took it over and sold it to a tourism board. As she parked in the driveway out front, she inhaled deeply, trying and failing to calm herself.
This used to be my family's cabin.
It was a safe place .
Sophie carried her stew to the sturdy front door, preparing her face with a soft smile. She wanted Derek to take one look at her and think, Yes. She's going to save me from myself.
Instead, Sophie had to knock three times before Derek came to the door.
Sophie stood with the stew in her hands, feeling like an idiot. Derek was wearing a pair of black jeans and a black T-shirt, and his hair was especially messy, presumably because he hadn't showered today.
His dark eyes peered out at her with distrust.
She wanted to yell, You came over to my house first! You kissed me first!
Don't you remember?
But instead, her voice wavered as she said, "I heard you were sick. I brought you Irish stew."
Derek looked at the container of stew as though it might explode. He tugged his hair.
"Oh," he finally said.
Sophie stared down at the stew. It was suddenly and horribly clear that he did not want her here. He didn't want her, period.
She felt so stupid.
"I'm really sorry to bother you," she said.
Derek hesitated, then reached out to take the stew. He couldn't look her in the eye. Behind him, she could make out a suitcase on the ground, clothes strewn over the top. It was clear he hadn't properly unpacked, although he'd been living here for a while now.
He can't relax into his life.
Give him space.
It's what he wants.
"Anyway," Sophie offered. "No hard feelings, okay?"
Before he had a chance to say anything, she twisted around and hurried toward her car. She cranked the engine and was gone in thirty seconds, whipping down the road ten miles over the speed limit. Tears drained from her eyes.
Over and over again, she repeated to herself, "I don't love him. I don't love him. It was all pretend."
On the radio, the DJ played "Silver Bells." It added insult to injury. She turned it off.