Chapter Eight #5
The Butterflies all stopped by to say hello.
Claudia proudly introduced two of her granddaughters to Maggie before moving toward the front to join her husband.
Maggie had briefly met the gorgeous granddaughters at Claudia’s Thanksgiving meal, but Claudia might not have recalled that as there had been a lot of people at the gathering.
Darlene, who’d done Maggie’s hair, waved as she walked by with Maggie’s coworker, Cliff.
They were married but hadn’t lived together for over twenty years.
On the occasions he and Maggie got to talk at work, Cliff spoke about Darlene as if she hung the moon, and he brought her lunch more often than not.
So, maybe whatever their issues had been, they were working through them.
Maggie liked the army veteran. Darlene, too, so she hoped so, if that was what the couple wanted.
Next, holding her husband Charlie’s hand, Ruby paused to comment on how precious Zoie looked and to ask how Maggie was doing.
“Fine.” Mostly.
After all, she hadn’t burst into flames yet even if perhaps she deserved to.
Guilt hit that she was there, holding a precious baby, and sitting beside a gorgeous man who looked at her as if she were someone good inside.
She knew better. Regardless of whether she’d caused the crash, she’d made horrible choices in the aftermath of having lost the life she loved.
Sweat prickled the back of Maggie’s neck.
She shouldn’t be there, didn’t deserve to be there.
Yet, even as she considered handing the baby to Walker and running from the building, she couldn’t do it.
Running accomplished nothing. Maybe if she knew the truth of what had happened that day, she could let go, could forgive herself.
Fortunately, services started. Maggie worried the singing would wake Zoie, but the baby never budged.
Maggie’s chest rose and fell in tune with the baby’s breathing, calming her raw insides.
After a few minutes of Zoie remaining oblivious, Maggie relaxed enough to give in to her curiosity about the church service.
She stayed seated when the song leader asked everyone to stand.
Instead, she closed her eyes, taking in the hymn.
She caught the song’s words, but it was the emotion filling the building that got to her.
There was joy in the words being sung around her.
Joy and happiness to be there. It surprised her.
Although, she wasn’t sure what she had expected.
Perhaps an abounding sense of obligation, like a boring classroom or meeting one was forced to attend.
She’d been in several of those over her lifetime.
Certainly, she’d not expected this powerful collective to be rejoicing in a common belief that they were there for a higher purpose.
She couldn’t deny that the man sitting next to her heightened her awareness too.
Because there was no way to be bored when their pew was just full enough that his leg brushed against her’s every so often when he moved.
That she was so aware of every time it did was annoying.
And exhilarating. No, not exhilarating. Just annoying.
That he kept looking over at her and smiling, yeah, that was annoying too.
Like now when she opened her eyes and found him watching her when he sang.
Why did it not surprise her that he had a great voice?
Was there anything he couldn’t do and do well?
He held the songbook tilted to where she could see the words to sing along if she wanted.
Maggie preferred listening and taking in what was happening around her.
That, and she didn’t want to risk waking Zoie.
She gulped back emotion. Holding Zoie, Maggie understood more fully why Walker felt so protective of the sweet girl.
Maggie barely knew Zoie and would fight to death to keep her safe.
Then again, that was what she’d once sworn to do, to give her life to save others if called upon to do so.
She’d never questioned her willingness to do that and had put her life on the line numerous times during her military career.
Sarah’s father preached a sermon on faith using the word as an acronym for forwarding all issues to heaven.
He spoke with conviction that all one’s sorrows could be placed in God’s hands to find peace.
What would it be like to believe that one truly could hand over their burdens and find forgiveness?
To let go of a past that weighed so heavily on the present and tainted every thought of the future?
Then again, Sarah’s father didn’t know the things Maggie had done, didn’t know that people had died at her hands. How could she ever have faith that He could forgive her when she couldn’t even forgive herself? Maybe if Lukas proved her innocence, then maybe she could forgive herself. Maybe.
Church services ended. As promised, Sarah found her and commented on what a perfect angel Zoie appeared in Maggie’s arms. “Are you coming back to Hamilton House or going with Walker?”
Zoie felt like a perfect angel in Maggie’s arms, but she imagined much of that was because of how cuddly the sleeping baby had been. Had she been awake and unhappy, Maggie would have been lost.
“Back to the house,” she told Sarah, acutely aware that Walker was listening. “I’d like to change out of the dress.”
Nodding, Sarah smiled. “Good idea. Decorating a tree in a dress can be tricky if you go up a ladder.”
Maggie wasn’t thinking about ladders but did want her own clothes. Maybe that would help her feel less vulnerable. Wearing the dress, being at the church, holding Zoie, had her feeling exposed, and she didn’t think it was her bare legs that she’d refused to cover with the nylons Sarah had offered.
“How about we both run home, change clothes, and I’ll pick you up in half an hour?” Walker offered. “We’ll have lunch at Harvey Farms, then get our tree.”
“You don’t already have your tree?”
“Not yet.” He grinned. “With you working there and knowing where the best ones are located, I’m sure we’ll find a great one.”
Maggie started to remind him that she worked indoors and not out with the trees, but during breaks and when not in a rush to get back to Sarah, she did occasionally walk around the farm, breathing in the fresh air and sometimes jumping in to help Cliff with whatever he was doing.
“You definitely will. Harvey Farms has the best trees. It’s where I go to get my live one each year,” Sarah assured, then turned toward Maggie. “Don’t let Mr. Harvey rope you into working this afternoon. They’ll be busy and he might try.”
Volunteering to work might be a good solution to the whole afternoon.
That would get her out of Hamilton House so Sarah and Bodie could have private decorating time with Jeannie.
And, doing so would give her a reason not to decorate with Walker and Zoie.
Yet, she wouldn’t volunteer to work. She wouldn’t ponder too deeply on why she wouldn’t, just would acknowledge that she would be spending her afternoon with Walker and his daughter.
“I’ll take Zoie.” Walker gestured to where Zoie had awakened. The baby was blinking her eyes to get accustomed to being awake, hadn’t realized a virtual stranger was holding her, and had just spotted him. “And will pick you up soon.”
“Da.” Zoie wiggled in Maggie’s arms.
Before she became unhappy, Maggie handed the baby to Walker, then headed out of the church.
Once out of the building, she took a deep breath.
She’d done it. She’d gone to church. Part of her even felt a sense of peace that she’d gone and nothing horrible had happened.
Turning her face up to the sunshine, she relished the warmth on the otherwise nippy early December day.
Look at her, going to church, holding a baby, and having plans to go decorate a Christmas tree with a handsome single dad. Who would have ever believed that a year ago when she’d been drowning her sorrows and wallowing in self-loathing? Not her.
Maybe if those things could happen, then maybe Sarah’s father was right.
Maybe she did just have to have faith that Lukas would help her get back her wings and someday, she’d fly again.