Chapter 18
Saint
angels fall - breaking benjamin
Age Twenty-Two
There’s my darling.
Regina’s car edges past the end of the driveway, the lights disappearing into the distance as Indie walks up the driveway. She can’t see me; the darkness has me cloaked in a thick shadow around the side of her house. I parked in front of her garage door, and I’m leaning against the hood of my car.
From learning her habits, she always enters through the back door when her mom’s working. Otherwise, I’ll be severely pissed if she’d changed habits in the three weeks I’ve been gone.
Now that I’ve graduated, my dad has me leaving for training more and more. Granted, they aren’t as long as my times at school during the summers, but a day is too long to be spent away from her.
The last time I laid eyes on her, she was a writhing mess beneath me.
Every time I have to leave, I promise a night that will tide her over until I’m back.
They all backfire on me.
I haven’t been able to get her out of my fucking mind. Which is no different than normal, but this time, it’s an obsession.
A compulsion.
To the point where I can feel myself going manic without her. Hearing her voice, reading her texts…it’s nothing compared to the real deal.
I never want to be free of Indie Kent.
And she’ll never be able to fucking get rid of me either.
The moment she walks by my side, head lost in her phone and one earphone in, mine dings with her incoming text.
Her feet freeze, crunching in the snow-covered gravel of the driveway as she drags her gaze sideways.
I almost can’t get the words out, too lost in her aura radiating from her, even from this distance.
I can’t wait to grip that fucking halo and toss it for good. “Hello, Indie darling.”
She absentmindedly drops her phone into her bag, which meets its demise as it slides off her shoulder and into the snow as she catapults herself towards me.
I catch her, wrapping her legs around my waist, and kiss her like the world is about to end.
“What are you doing here?” she breathes against my lips, making me smile.
“Couldn’t go into the new year without seeing you, could I?”
I only had another week to go, but I’d be missing the beginning of the new year with her, and was I fuck about to live with a statement saying I last saw her the year before, no matter the semantics of it.
I spin her so she’s sitting on the bonnet, a light fluttering of snow flurrying around us. “When did you get back?”
“Landed about an hour ago.”
Her eyes widen, searching every inch of mine. Even in the dark, those diamond-like eyes shine brighter than anything I deserve in this life. “You travelled all the way back from England?
“Yes.”
“Just to see…me?”
I bark a laugh, a white puff of steam breaking above her head in the cold. “Why are you so surprised at that?”
She dips her head into her coat, softening her eyes as she glances up at me. “I don’t know. You were probably really busy. Won’t your dad be mad you left early?”
I can’t help the scoff that leaves me. “I’m never too busy for you, darling.”
And who gives a fuck what he thinks.
Her eyelids lower, gaze shifting from my mouth to my eyes as she looks for any signs of white lies; she’ll find none. I’m not exactly supposed to have my phone on me during training, but it would need to be pried from my cold dead hands when it’s my only link to her.
“Saint,” she breathes, my lips ghosting along her exposed neck as I lean in, hearing the faint buzzing from the loose earphone.
I pluck it and hold it against my ear. Angels Fall by Breaking Benjamin plays through the first cord, instantly bringing a wicked smile to my face.
As much as my darling looks as though she was an angel sent from heaven, when she eventually falls, she’ll be the sweetest demon anyone’s ever laid eyes on.
My hands cup each side of her face, just taking a moment to fucking look at her—admiring what’s truly mine, and it’s about time she knew it.
Her breathing grows deeper in my hold, the puffs of steam billowing around us as the snow gets heavier.
Neither of us move, both getting lost in the abyss of one another’s eyes.
I wonder what she sees. Can she tell there’s no end to mine?
That the darkness that lurks there is permanent, never to be removed.
It’s part of who I am.
The hands that hold her have committed many sins, things I’ll never be able to wash off. All for something she’d never understand, or even believe if I told her.
She’d think I’m the devil.
Despite who I am, how my life is panned out, it’s her that drives my true madness, and yet brings me a sense of calm.
Her that I can’t get out of my fucking head, and yet try to block out when I see the light leave another’s eyes.
Her that makes me never want to kill another man again, but would destroy them all if they even made a single tear drop from her eye.
And that fucking terrifies me.
Men like me aren’t supposed to have fairytales; we’re supposed to die alone, destined to a life of darkness and misery, turning so cold, love is a word we’d associate with the weak.
If the latter is true, then the glass which encases my heart is about to shatter into a billion particles.
My voice drops to a low rumble as I force the confession past my lips. “I want to tell you something.”
She gulps down a swallow, her jaw working against my palm. “What is it?”
“My true reason for being here is because I couldn’t go another single fucking day without telling you…I love you, but that feels like it diminishes the real depths of that statement.”
Her lips part, like she’s trying to suck every drop of oxygen from the atmosphere as she softens in my hold.
But I don’t let it stop me. I steal it to tell her it all.
“I love you doesn’t even come close to conveying how I feel about you, darling.
In fact, it feels like an insult to say those words alone.
You are so tangled within my soul, that if I died, it would weep in the afterlife to be freed to find yours.
I’ve known you since I was thirteen years old, seen your face almost every single day, and yet since we got together, I’ve seen you in a million different ways.
I get homesick when I leave, and it’s not for the smell of the familiar air, it’s for the feel of your heart beating when I hold you to my chest. Because that’s where I belong.
You are my everything, Indie. And if all of that can be squeezed into three little words, just know that whenever I say them to you, there’s a thousand more that lie beneath them. ”
Her watery eyes blink, a lone tear slipping down the curve of her cheek, and I capture it with a swipe of my thumb.
There’s only two reasons I’ll ever be satisfied seeing my darling cry, and none of them will be because of the pain that I’ve caused.
“You love me?” she breathes, and a laugh pushes past my lips as I drop my forehead to hers.
“If you need me to make it clearer—”
“No.” She swallows, her breathing ghosting against my parted lips. I want to reach closer and taste them all. “No, I’m just trying to work out if I’m dreaming.”
Leaning back, I drop my hands to either side of her to get to her eye level. “This is very much real life, baby.”
“Then here’s my confession.” Her voice wavers, pushing past the emotion as she absorbs the strength to hold my eye contact.
My heart thunders in my chest, fighting the vibrations in my body as my hands fist at either side of her thighs, the droplets of snow instantly melting as they meet the heat of my skin.
“I think I’ve been in love with you from before I was even old enough to understand the word.”
I don’t give her another moment to finish.
Don’t need to. My hand grips the back of her nape as I smash her lips to mine.
I claim her through my kiss. It’s without the permission of her eyes, but knowing she’d give me her all regardless.
It’s the kind that makes the earth feel like it’s shaking, like my soul is unravelling and weaving itself back together with hers.
The kind that makes me never want to stop.
The kind that makes it known that I’d do anything in my power to keep her safe.