Chapter 42
Darrow
One glimpse and the ache in my chest eased.
If I’d had a heart, it would have melted at the sight of my wife on her knees tending to…
a new crunchertrap. Of course, my little half-druid had found one while I was away.
She whispered words of encouragement, pleading with it to grow strong in a tender voice she never used around me.
The plant was about a foot shorter and a little droopier than her other one. It didn’t appear well at all.
Though I’d wanted to come straight to Aella when I arrived, I’d had to speak with the prince first to update him on what I’d learned from Malachi.
We needed to organize another meeting tonight because somehow, I would get into Porrine in a week.
I hated to be the one to call us to the office again, but we had to get everyone devising ideas together to find a way into the capital.
I’d also run into my sister while at Crystal Castle. She’d told me about her trip with Aella to get another crunchertrap, so I’d known it would be in the garden. Faina had also described what happened to the rest of them. It was no wonder my wife doted on this one so much after seeing that.
I’d also given my sister the disturbing news that the dark elves wanted her to marry Kaius, and that was why the attacks had continued to worsen in Radoumar.
She confessed they’d already tried taking her and would have succeeded if not for Vas.
I hated to be grateful to our older Unseelie brother for anything, but I was glad he’d intervened and that Faina was home safe now.
My thoughts turned back to Aella. She wore her simple gardening attire—a green tunic and pants—and had her golden hair braided down her back.
The nameless ones knew I didn’t deserve such a lovely, selfless woman.
It was no wonder she resisted having deeper feelings for me.
My soul was nearly pitch-black compared to her pure light.
I frowned when she lifted her gloved hand from a box next to her and tossed a croaking frog into the crunchertrap’s flower mouth. It began chomping on it right away. Well, maybe she did have somewhat of a dark side when it came to her plants.
“You realize I happen to like frogs,” I said, sauntering up to the gate.
Her gaze was soft when she swung her head in my direction.
Relief at seeing me poured through our bond, but then she crinkled her nose.
“Well, they eat all the insects that my plants like, so it had to go. Plus, I told you how they carry diseases. If you don’t want them fed to my crunchertraps, keep them out of here. ”
The look of disgust on Aella’s face told me she really hated frogs.
I glanced at the plant happily chewing its latest meal with a small sliver of blood leaking from its petals. “That’s a terrible way to die.”
Then, I took the freshly killed fish I’d been holding behind my back and gave it to her other crunchertrap as a peace offering.
It seemed to sniff at it first before nearly taking my hand off when it grabbed the carp.
Most of our lake creatures didn’t like the taste of them, so they were plentiful around Darynia.
Since Aella had mentioned once that she sometimes fed her carnivorous plants fish as a treat, I had stopped along the way to purchase one.
“You’re getting smarter,” she said, rising and dusting off her pants.
I desperately wanted to take her into my arms, but her body language said, "Don’t even try it." Would she ever welcome me with a hug and kiss like some other wives did their husbands? Maybe I should be grateful she even smiled at me when there was a time I only received scowls.
“We have a meeting in less than two hours,” I said, taking a step closer to her across the stone path.
Aella gave me a tantalizing smile. “That means we have plenty of time to do some gardening together.” She pointed toward the back, where many overgrown shrubs and countless weeds still grew. “You can start there since those need someone extra strong to pull them.”
I had a feeling she’d been saving them especially for me.
“I’m happy to assist you in whatever you need,” I said and headed straight for them, passing by without quite touching her.
Her confusion over my ready compliance reached me through our bond.
Let her wonder. If it would help me win her over, then I would do anything.
I’d come to realize sex wasn’t the way to her heart, especially with her restrictions.
If I wanted all of her, I would have to accede to as many of her wishes as possible and hope she saw my commitment, because only having part of her wasn’t good enough.
As difficult as it would be, I wouldn’t reach for her in bed anymore.
While away, I’d had time to think and analyze our relationship.
I’d realized that it wasn’t helping matters when she used sex as a means to punish herself and make me hurt her while not allowing me to soothe her afterward.
There needed to be give and take, something I’d never worried about before.
I was still learning and hadn’t had the best role models. My father and older brother had the same curse as me, always using it as an excuse for not doing better by their wives. My mother learned to hide her feelings, and she’d passed those lessons on to my sister and me.
We weren’t as stoic as the dark elves since we spent almost nine months of the year in Veronna, but we didn’t let our guard down easily. Faina and I had perfected the art of showing one emotion while feeling another.
My wife was a precious gift that didn’t deserve that treatment. Blunted emotions or not, I could recognize what I had and how easily I could destroy it forever if I weren’t careful.
The pain inside Aella was buried deep, so much so that I wondered if she realized how much.
If not for completing our mating bond, I would have never discovered the truth.
My wife’s remarkable ability to survive the terrible experiences she’d endured in life was undoubtedly a result of her using a mental shield to hide her hurt and fears—even from herself.
She was likely terrified that if she ever let herself truly feel all the loss and betrayal, she’d break, and no one would be there to pick up the pieces of her.
And why should she believe that I or anyone else would?
We’d all failed her in one regard or another, used her, and never given her a feeling of real safety.
While I certainly enjoyed rough sex and didn’t mind helping her work through her pain, I also wanted to worship her body and show her I cared, even if the feelings weren’t as strong as she’d like.
I refused to keep going as we were, so she’d have to instigate it, and I’d have to give her an ultimatum.
It was the one point where I had to stand firm.
She could use me to help with her garden, or whatever else she wished.
I’d give her everything I could, but until she allowed me to be the husband who could meet all her needs, I needed to put some distance between us.
The inner drive to have my wife in every way meant I needed to fight for my marriage, prove I deserved it, and hope she eventually gave me a chance.
Whether we broke my curse or not, we both deserved more than what we had now.
My brother arrived shortly before my father. Hagon had already planned to return and stay for a day so we could update each other and discuss strategies. The sebeskas helped address immediate concerns, but we had to keep messages brief, which limited their effectiveness.
“How is it going up there?” I asked him.
Hagon finished chewing a pastry the servants had set on the table. “We’ve managed to hold them back so far, but we’re taking more losses than they are. They were far more prepared than we were for long-term war.”
“Aella and Faina discovered the southeast corner of Juvarn has a new dying section of land,” I said, concerned at the many I’d found during my time away these past five days.
He nodded, taking another pastry filled with berries in his hand.
“Yes, there are numerous new ones. It’s become a challenge to build supply chains where we need them because the dark elves like to use the roads between the dead zones as choke points.
Rather than finding them as hindrances, they’re using them to their advantage.
We’re trying to adjust our strategy to do the same. ”
Our father walked into the room and gave us surprised looks. “You two are the first to arrive? I never thought I’d see the day.”
“We’re bonding,” I said, managing a straight face. Honestly, I had no idea how we ended up being first, except that I was ready to discuss what I’d discovered and move on to the action part of the process.
My brother gestured at the tray in the middle of the table. “Someone mentioned there’d be pastries, and that inspired me to arrive early so I could get first choice. They’re rationing many foods in Juvarn because the blight has destroyed too many of their crops.”
That explained why he’d been consuming them as if he hadn’t eaten in a month, though he’d always had a sweet tooth.
My battle training had begun young, as I had to fight him whenever the cooks prepared special desserts.
Since he was sixteen years older than me, I’d had to be especially ruthless if I wanted a cookie.
Faina fought dirtier than either of us to get what she wanted.
Recalling the time we both had found knives embedded deep in our butt cheeks brought back painful memories.
She’d taken a whole pie that time, leaving us nothing.