Chapter 44
Aella
Iwoke curled into a warm, firm body with the familiar scent of leather and sandalwood.
My head rested on Darrow’s shoulder, though I had no idea when I’d moved to his side of the bed.
His arm curled around my waist, and he breathed softly, still fast asleep.
For a brief moment, I could pretend all was right in the world.
Except that my husband had been back for three days, and he hadn’t tried to touch me once. He’d even stopped sleeping naked. Every night, he slipped into a pair of loose cotton pants, as if to create a barrier between us.
At first, I was glad he kept his distance.
It made my life easier if I didn’t have to spurn his advances outside the bedroom or insist they happen a certain way.
But now, I was getting frustrated. He still slept next to me each night, but never reached for me in a sexual way or made the lewd comments that used to drive me crazy. I was beginning to miss his innuendos.
Instead, Darrow would wish me sweet dreams and roll onto his side, facing away from me.
The only emotions I sensed from him were resignation, but he blocked everything else.
I couldn’t figure out what had changed. Did I do something wrong?
Had he lost interest? No, that couldn’t be it, because I caught him looking at me longingly sometimes. What was he waiting for?
Desire for him coursed through me, burning between my thighs. I wanted him to force me onto my hands and knees, thrust into me hard, and make me forget everything. I needed the pain mixed with the pleasure that he did so well.
Was he worried he’d gone too far last time? Surely, he’d felt how much I enjoyed his dominating me. I craved the loss of control with someone who wouldn’t truly harm me, but maybe he wanted me to initiate it? Perhaps he needed to see that I did crave him, too.
Be brave, Aella.
Taking a deep breath, I pressed soft kisses on his chest and noticed the immediate change in his breathing.
Next, I slowly ran my palm down his rigid stomach and slipped my fingers into the top of his pants.
Right before I reached his cock, his hand shot out and grabbed mine firmly.
Thanks to the moonlight coming through the window, I knew he was hard—very hard. He had to want this, too.
“Why are you stopping me?” I asked, confused.
His gray eyes met mine. “We aren’t doing this anymore—not the way you insist, anyway.”
I swallowed. “What do you mean?”
“You want rough, impersonal sex, which would be fine if you allowed me to slow it down and enjoy your body now and then as well.” He sighed, drawing my hand away. “I can’t be the instrument for your pain anymore without also being the source of your comfort.”
I sat up. “You can’t be serious. What difference does it make as long as it’s sex?”
“It matters to me.” Darrow worked his jaw. “I want more than you’re willing to allow, and that’s fine because I understand I’ve made mistakes you can’t easily let go. You deserve better. I want to give you as much as I can, but not the way you’ve demanded. It’s not working for me.”
My jaw dropped as I felt the longing coming from him. He wasn’t hiding or shielding me from it like before. He’d opened up. I shook my head, not understanding how he could feel that way while I didn’t sense the deep love and caring I wanted. Shouldn’t those things go together?
I mean, yes, he had concern for me, but his feelings were more like obsession.
Maybe if I’d never known about his curse, I wouldn’t have analyzed his motivations so closely.
It would seem more like he was trying to make a real connection.
Still, he couldn’t expect me to give everything of myself when he couldn’t do the same.
Not only that, but he’d mentioned that once I gave him my love, he’d lose interest, whether he wanted to or not. It was why Hagan and Meilani were estranged. She’d said Darrow’s brother used to be very passionate with her until she fell hard. Then, he became cold and distant.
“So you’re denying me sex because I won’t risk my heart by letting you be soft and tender?” I asked, clenching my fists.
He stiffened. “If you truly want sex, use me. I don’t want you to think it’s coercion on my part when that isn’t my intent. Just understand that I won’t touch you in return.”
“Will you still come?” I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Darrow was a man who’d been renowned for sleeping around with many women, and now he was denying himself with his own wife? Why did he have to insist on more from me?
Darrow let out a wry chuckle. “My control is not that good. If I feel your wet pussy clenching around my cock, I won’t be able to deny myself.
I’m merely explaining that you will have to do everything.
You can’t ask me to be the monster for you anymore, Aella.
We are bonded mates, and that should mean something. ”
I opened and closed my mouth, speechless. How did I respond to that? I couldn’t.
The best choice I had was to change the subject altogether.
Darrow and the others had found the tunnel and began removing the dirt that filled it.
I’d only opened the portal for them yesterday, but stayed here until they could confirm we were on the right track and that there were no hidden dangers.
We didn’t know whether the dark elves knew about it or not.
Thankfully, the ten hours they spent there had been uneventful, so they’d begun the tedious work and made it pretty far along before calling it quits last night. Another channeler had been with them to assist with the return trip.
“We’ve got a long day ahead,” I said, tossing my hair over my shoulder. “Maybe we should get an early start if we hope to finish in time.”
Darrow sat up and scratched the stubble on his face. “Good idea.”
I tried not to look at his bare, muscular chest as he rose from the bed or his strong back as he headed for the bathroom.
How would I resist him for long with him sleeping next to me every night, looking like that?
The sight of his body always heated mine.
Somehow, I would have to, because I refused to use him or give in to his demands.
It turned out that the tunnel entrance was hidden on the side of a heavily wooded hill.
I’d taken us to a portal ring about two miles away, but there’d been no path to our destination, so we’d had to trek through the forest. Thankfully, many of the trees and bushes were beginning to lose their leaves, and plants were dying off, making the journey easier than it would have been a month or so ago.
We had brought a dwarf engineer with specialized elemental magic and a handful of soldiers who carried the support beams we would install.
Jax came so he could act as our invisible guard at the perimeter.
Loden was going to show me how we could use our light magic to help seal the tunnel's walls, since we could only bring so many supplies without drawing attention to ourselves.
Faina would alternate between digging and assisting with outside security.
Darrow nudged a large, dark green bramble bush with his powers.
It shook at him in annoyance, but it pulled its roots and relocated to a spot five feet away.
That variety was known to move around to find the best nutrients, or because they became bored.
No one was quite certain of their motivations.
We only knew we could never rely on them as markers for memorizing terrain or paths, and I’d never try putting one in my garden, since it would annoy the other plants that preferred everything to stay in their own designated spot—except when danger presented itself, of course.
The magic emanating from this one made me suspect someone had cast a command spell to hide the entrance, which was why it had resisted scooting to the side.
They had to be alive for it to still work, but with the dark elf invasion, I doubted they’d worry if they’d been alerted when the others moved the bush yesterday.
It would have been someone with proven loyalty to Zadrya.
One of the soldiers lit a fae lantern and handed it to Darrow as he went inside first. Except for Jax and Faina, everyone else followed.
The tunnel was wide enough that two of us could walk side by side comfortably.
Loden stayed close to me. I was surprised when it took nearly five minutes to reach the point where they’d stopped the day before. They’d cleared hundreds of feet.
“Where did all the dirt go?” I asked.
One of the soldiers dropped a heavy bag, then he opened it to show me the contents. “Through a temporary portal.”
“The channeler we brought yesterday was the most powerful one after you,” Darrow explained, and a smile formed on his face.
“We had her connect the ring to the one just outside of Andalagar territory in Hartoll, where dark elves have been trying to bring down their wards. They’ve now got tons of dirt blocking them from using that location to bring more soldiers. ”
I laughed. “Too bad we can’t see how they reacted to that.”
The ring he spoke of was also near enough that it wouldn’t have drained the channeler too much to hold it for a while. I’d only met her briefly, but she was able to open most portals about every four hours. It was impressive compared to many others.
“Actually,” Darrow said, expression amused. “We’re hoping they spent the night clearing all that dirt, keeping them too busy to bother the Andalagar. We can dump more on them today.”
Some of the Veronnian soldiers snickered.
We got to work setting up. Fae lanterns were spaced apart to light the way for us coming and going. The temporary ring sat off to the side, still in its bag. We’d open it up once we had enough dirt.
In the first round, Darrow and the dwarf engineer took turns using their powers to move soil to the side quickly.
They cleared a hundred feet before needing a break.
The soldiers had already used half the support beams they’d brought, but now, they took over digging with shovels.
They must have been chosen for their strength and speed because they worked more quickly than expected while doing it manually.
Loden guided me toward a section of the wall. “This is where we’ll start sealing the dirt. What you need to do is form a ball of light, and then imagine heating it to a high temperature.”
He held up a hand and formed a glowing sphere a few inches above his palm, with the color changing before my eyes.
It was a new skill I’d never considered trying.
I followed his instructions, forming one to match his.
It started pure, but as I concentrated on increasing the temperature, it slowly became red-orange to match his.
I smiled in delight. “It never occurred to me to try this.”
“You have other abilities you mastered, so it’s understandable. For me, light is all I have.” He stretched his ball wider, then began moving it back and forth across the wall. “Try using yours like a paintbrush. Give each section enough time to heat a few inches deep so that it will hold better.”
Concentrating, I did as he instructed. It took me a few tries to get the shape right and maintain the correct heat, but I eventually got it. I gently stroked it across the walls, going slow enough that the heat could penetrate deeply.
“Very good, cousin,” Loden said, smiling.
I grinned at him. “Thank you. I’m so glad we found out the truth about your dad.”
“Me, too.”
Loden’s mood had appeared lighter ever since we returned from Alavaar. He was no longer the half-druid who knew nothing about his father’s family, and now he had me as an actual cousin. It felt surreal, but I was happy for the news. He appeared more confident.
Knowing our family’s identity shouldn’t make much of a difference, but having roots helped ground us even better if they were good and strong ones.
With my brother long gone, Loden was my grandmother’s only grandson, so they would definitely be doting on him and insisting he visit often.
After how things went the day he met his father, I suspected I’d be more welcome than before.
We stopped chatting and took opposite walls to work, meeting halfway along the ceiling to harden it. I spent more time up there to get even deeper. At one point, I felt a pair of eyes on me while I stroked my heated light back and forth.
Darrow stood about ten feet away, watching the motion.
Are you thinking dirty thoughts, husband? He was doing a terrible job of hiding his need through our bond.
His eyes met mine. I told you that I wouldn’t touch you, but I said nothing about watching you or fantasizing about how I’d lick every inch of your body if you allowed it.
I shivered, wishing I could give in to that level of passion, but knowing it would be a mistake. You could lick between my legs for a few minutes, and I wouldn’t argue.
What about hours of making you climax again and again with only my mouth?
Damn him. I grew wet at the thought, which he undoubtedly suspected would happen. Would you bite me and use your fingers, too?
I would gently.
I ground my teeth and returned to work. He laughed and went to relieve the dwarf.
No one spoke for a while until it was time to open a portal for the dirt.
They’d piled it along the middle of the tunnel all the way down.
We set up the metal circle close to where they’d stopped excavating.
After I started channeling, Darrow began using his powers to move the soil, as if it were one long river pouring into the blueish glow.
It took him about ten minutes to get it all in there before he asked me to close it.
“We’ll do this two more times today before we stop,” he said.
I frowned. “We have less than four days until the event, and it seems like we have a long way to go. Will we finish in time?”
“The other channeler is going to support a night crew to keep up work when we’re gone. They won’t be able to do as much as we can, but between the two teams, we estimate that we’ll finish in time.”
“Good,” I said, returning to work.
As Darrow walked away, a lock of hair on my face caressed my cheek before moving back behind my ear.
He didn’t even look over his shoulder to see how I reacted.
I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Every time he did something like that, it touched something deep inside of me, and I had to harden myself against it.
I didn’t dare give him that part of me because then he’d have the power to crush my heart.