Chapter 54 #2
This plant also had two black eyes and a thin mouth that hissed faintly when my wife came close. That would deter normal people, but not her. She crouched lower and spoke to it soothingly.
“What are you doing out here all alone, little one?” she asked.
The next hiss almost sounded like a whimper.
She crept a little closer. “You poor thing. We will help you get back home if you like.”
It hesitated only a moment before hopping straight into Aella’s arms. She hugged it and laughed—she actually laughed—with delight. If one of those needles in that cactus poked her, she would grow sick within sixty seconds and die after about eight to ten minutes.
Did this bother her? Of course not. How was I supposed to keep her safe when she all but flung herself at dangerous flora? Or in this case, the other way around, but it still counted.
“You are so cute,” she said as she rubbed cheeks with it.
By all the nameless ones, I would die of a heart attack before we reached a year of marriage. How could I not?
“Dear wife, is it a good idea to cuddle with the poisonous plant?” I asked carefully. Between her and the cactus, I couldn’t decide which was the greater lunatic. It was seeking solace from a random stranger in the desert after all.
She looked up at me with shining eyes that were happier than I’d seen them in a long while, if ever.
“It’s perfectly sweet. At this age, the poisons in its needles aren’t as strong as in adults, so the worst that can happen is a fever and body aches, probably unconsciousness for a day or two. Death, though, is improbable.”
“Most people would be concerned with those ill effects as well.”
Aella narrowed her gaze. “If you trust me at all, you’ll trust me on this.”
Before I could say anything, the little cactus leaped from her arms and into mine.
I barely caught it in time. It trembled and burrowed into my stomach as my heart threatened to break free of my chest. Now, I was the crazy person holding a deadly plant.
I didn’t doubt that if I dropped it, the thing would turn on me.
“There, there,” I said, attempting to sound soothing.
My wife’s expression relaxed. “Aww, Dare, he likes you.”
“How do you know it’s a he?”
“The females grow pink and white flowers on their heads.”
Of course, they did.
I groaned as the cactus nuzzled sideways in my arms, closed its black eyes, and fully relaxed. The little mouth began letting out a hissing snore. “Why is it sleeping on me?”
“Probably because it sees you as a strong protector, and it must be exhausted after its journey,” she said.
I ground my teeth. “This is ridiculous.”
“Let’s get back to the others,” she suggested, cheeks pink with happiness. Only highly dangerous plants brought that level of joy out of her.
I followed her toward Faina, Jax, and Loden, who had remained on their restless desert cats. The expressions on their faces ranged from comical to terrified when they spotted the thing I carried.
Aella explained it all as if it made perfect sense. “The poor little cactus got lost out here. Since it likes Dare, he’s going to carry it to its home.”
Jax snorted. “I look forward to seeing that.”
“I think it’s kind of cute,” Faina said, peering down at the sleeping cactus as I passed by her.
Loden’s brows drew together. “What a fascinating specimen, though I wouldn’t recommend cradling it like that.”
I would spend eternity hearing about this day.
“If anyone mocks me, I swear to all the nameless ones that I will put this prickly little thing in your arms so we can test if it likes you,” I threatened, first looking at my sister and then the two men. Obviously, it wasn’t a threat to my wife.
Everyone turned blessedly silent after that.
I had my cat crouch low so I could get on its back with my arms full, and then we were on our way again.
It resumed being uneventful until we reached the homeland of the cacti.
They all bristled at our approach, making the ground hum with their tremors and the air filled with their hisses.
It woke the baby. Giving me what could have passed for a worshipful look if it weren’t a plant, it hopped out of my arms and bounded toward its family. We held back to see what would happen. The small cactus stopped at the edge and jumped up and down, making a variety of hissing noises.
“What’s it doing?” I asked Aella.
She shrugged. “Not a lot is known about their culture since everyone is terrified of them, so I have no idea. At best guess, it could be talking to them.”
“Right, of course.”
Because what else could the cacti be doing with each other? And since when did any flora have culture? I rubbed my eyes, hoping that when I pulled my hands back, it would all turn out to be a mirage. No. They were still there, hissing animatedly.
The baby—I couldn’t believe I was calling it that now—finally turned around and sort of waved its left arm at us. “Is it beckoning?”
“That’s what it looks like,” Loden replied, grimacing.
Aella kneed her hesitant cat in the side. “I’ll go first and see if it’s safe, but Dare should come second since the baby likes him so much.”
The others began to snicker until I shot them looks.
Of all the ways I’d considered how I might die, this had never made the list. Was it on anyone’s aside from those who lived in this gods-forsaken desert?
Reluctantly, my cat and I followed my wife, who was braver than an entire dark elf army for entering the land of poisonous needle-darting cacti that stretched for miles in several directions.
There must have been thousands growing there.
All the while, our host kept bouncing up and down as we approached. It probably couldn’t wait to see how quickly the fools it had found died. The cute little thing was likely a clever lure.
When we came closer, the hissing turned gentler, and the plants moved to create a wide path through the middle.
Aella went inside the death trap first, back straight and confident.
Was she using her druid powers to keep them calm?
They did seem less threatening as she neared them, though perhaps they wished to lull us into a false sense of security.
I went in next, since I could hardly abandon my wife at this point, barely managing to hold back a sound of surprise as the baby cactus hopped into my arms again.
It settled onto my lap, resting against my groin.
I had to pray that the little thing had no accidents with its needles that might cause serious injury.
At this point, I could hardly refuse the plant when its entire family surrounded me.
Jax, Faina, and Loden reluctantly followed us into the murder corridor with their cats, all with terrified expressions. Well, to be fair, the animals bared their teeth and stepped carefully, but they showed no fear. I was amazed they didn’t refuse to enter.
The cacti closed ranks behind our group, but they kept opening a path forward.
It went on for nearly an hour until the tension in my muscles had turned into a deep ache, and my thundering heart was near exploding.
The cats started the journey cautiously, but once they grew comfortable, they sped up their pace.
Perhaps they somehow communicated with the plants and received reassurances.
At this point, I couldn’t rule out anything.
It was a wonder that the odd chicken didn’t come running through here to finish the day of weirdness.
Finally, we came close to the mountains and reached the end of the cacti territory.
Aella turned back to look at the baby plant in my lap. “We have to keep going, so you should get down and be with your family now. We appreciate your help.”
It hissed at her and burrowed deeper into me. Considering its current position, that wasn’t very comfortable, but at least I didn’t feel any needle stings. “I do not believe it wishes to stay in this place.”
“You want to go with us?” she asked.
It hopped up and down, and I winced at the pounding pressure on my groin. If Aella no longer wanted children—a subject we’d need to discuss at some point—she was very close to making certain it never happened. In fact, she wouldn’t be getting anything from me if this plant didn’t calm down soon.
My wife sighed. “We’re going to need to gather some of the sand from this area for the cactus because they are very particular about the type of soil they can tolerate, and I can’t replicate what the little guy needs.
It’s surprising that he still has any energy after being out of the ground so long. ”
“We brought plenty of burlap sacks for the ore,” I said, deciding it was best to go along with the insanity at this point.
She nodded. “Excellent idea. There might be hope for you yet.”