35. Aldrin
I cannot focus on a single damned thing. Not the soldiers coming in and out of the battlefield in the streets. Not the directions I need to give them or our plans to turn this mess around and use the civil unrest to dethrone Titania.
Keira has blocked me out. I cannot breathe. I cannot think straight. Panic grips me like a vise around my throat. It makes me a hypocrite, I am painfully aware of that, because I did the same to her when I thought I was going to die in that arena.
I can’t help imagining every way they could be torturing her, even though I know Drake and Rainier are there with her right now. I keep fearing that maybe Torin got to her before she had a chance to open the bond.
My stress must show on my face, because Maeve places a hand on my shoulder and scrutinizes my face. “You need to rest, Aldrin. You send your soldiers out in shifts so they can sleep before the fighting rises with the sun. You need to do the same.”
“I tried to sleep. It didn’t find me,” I grumble.
She raises thin, blond eyebrows at me.“Did you?”
I cleaned up and took to my bedchamber after Torin left Keira with his threats of torture still hanging in the air, because I needed a place to break down in privacy.
To focus entirely on her and try to soothe the horrors from her mind.
Instead, she came to me, and I held her in my arms before I lost her again.
There was definitely no sleeping after that, so I went back out into the streets and slaughtered more of my enemies.
“That was hours ago and you weren’t up there for very long,” she chides. “You have been fighting for almost the entire night.”
I run a hand through my hair. It snags on the dried blood and the gods know what else in it. “How can I rest when Keira is with my enemy and my city is tearing itself apart?”
“Then at least clean up. Rest for even ten minutes in a hot bath to remove the grime and tension from your body. It will help untangle the knots from your mind, I promise.” Maeve places a hand on my elbow and practically drags me from the main hall of the tavern.
My eyes slide to where Edmund has passed out on top of the map of the city after refusing to go to bed, still in his armor and clutching a dagger in one hand. Even he took the time to scrub the blood from himself.
I admit defeat, take the stairs to my chambers and run a hot bath.
The water steams as it splashes into the tub through brass piping.
One of the advantages of having so many Winter Court migrants in this city is the access it grants us to their technology.
There are plinths in the bowels of most buildings that generate fresh water and others that heat it, both only requiring raw magic to recharge them.
I hardly feel the warmth of the water as I quickly scrub myself, then dress in fresh leathers. I take the time to clean my armor before strapping it back on.
It isn’t until Keira reaches out for me once more and the connection to the other half of my soul is returned to me that I can function again. I find her whole and unbroken, if quite shaken.
She has completed a bargain with Sasha, one whose details I do not know but that will allow her to return to me. The relief that floods me is so potent it makes my legs weak.
When I enter the common room downstairs, Edmund is awake and arguing softly with Maeve over a map of the capital. Both look up at my approach with dark rings under their eyes.
There is a crash and a curse in the bar on the far side of the room.
I glance over to find Caitlin attempting to make coffee, with a shattered mug on the counter that has hot liquid dripping from it, and Cyprien beside her, a cloth in hand to clean it up.
She runs her hands down her face and closes her eyes for a long moment before trying to compose herself with her usual scowl.
“Keira has made a bargain that will allow her to escape,” I announce, and they all turn to me. “She will return to us soon. They haven’t laid a finger on her and Drake will make sure that doesn’t happen.”
It is like a bubble of tension pops in the room.
Maeve wraps herself in Edmund’s arms, hiding her face in his neck, and I swear she drowns out sobs against him, finally letting go of all the fear she kept inside. Despite all the trials against Finan and Titania, this is the closest I have seen her come to crying.
The tendons stick out in Edmund’s thick neck as his eyes burn on me. “We need to plan our next move. Our next ten moves. I am sick of my daughter being a pawn in these games.”
“You and I both,” I growl as I approach their table.
Edmund untangles a hand from Maeve and places it on my shoulder, his emerald eyes staring intently into mine. “If anyone can do it, it is us. Together we have defeated impossible odds for Keira before.”
That solidarity, that faith, it is almost enough to unman me. I am forced to look away. “We will win this war. I will kill Titania, even if it is the last thing I do.”
Caitlin approaches and places a hot mug of coffee in my hands, her own shaking so violently the liquid almost slops over the side.
“Is your daughter with Odiane again?” I ask softly, so fucking relieved to have her fighting with us despite her greater commitment to her child.
So grateful for the fact that she balances both her motherly and sisterly love by constantly traveling back and forth between the two.
“No. Morgana is with my grandmother and nursemaid in Appleshield.” Her voice chokes.
“Good. She is safer that way.” I don’t mention that nowhere in my court is safe right now.
Maeve is back at the map, readjusting the stones that represent our forces around the city. I approach to consider it for the hundredth time, and her gaze flicks up to me.The tension around her dark eyes hasn’t faded, but it never seems to.
“You need to call that election, Aldrin. You need to call it now . Your hands are tied until you break that bargain. The terms Keira gave means it expires the moment Titania is no longer in power, through death or dethronement. It will be near impossible to touch her, because if we get close again, she can call upon Keira to be used as a shield. The people who love her are rendered inactive and I cannot accept putting others in place who do not care for her and may risk her life. We can kill Titania with the bargain in place, but it will be bloody hard to achieve.”
More people channel into the room, some from upstairs, others entering battle-weary from the fray outside as the violence rages on, despite the depths of the night.
“I was hoping for more optimal conditions. For more time to win the people over. Right now, it could go either way. Too many bloody themselves fighting for Titania, and of those who remain locked in their houses, there is no guarantee they would pledge their allegiance to me.”
“Maeve is right,” Edmund cuts in. “You are out of time, son.”
My heart rate ramps up. I know it is a risk I must take.
“Understand that Titania will not simply back down and hand over the throne because I won an election. She will call it rigged and she will come at us with everything she has. If we lose, that woman who now wears Keira’s face and took her place in the dungeons will pay with whatever creative torment Titania thinks up. She might even kill her.”
“But it will break the bargain if you win. She will never be able to take Keira away from us again. The princess volunteered. No one forced her into this, and whatever she gains from the gamble, it must be vast.” There is a brutality in Maeve’s tone that I wasn’t expecting, but this is a mother wolf protecting her cub.
Cyprien grabs my arm and tears me toward him.
“Who took Keira’s place, Aldrin? Who fucking took her place?
” he snarls, the hint of his fangs and tusks growing within his mouth as his lips pull back from his teeth.
The heat in his eyes makes me wonder for the first time in my life if he is going to murder me.
Even when we clashed in that meadow when Keira first stepped through the portal and Cyprien was still working for Titania, I knew he wouldn’t truly harm me. Right now, I’m not so sure.
Before I can open my mouth to answer, a storm of ash and burning embers materializes between us, swirling rapidly in a torrent as it slowly forms into the shape of a woman. Her features and clothes emerge, until Keira is standing there right before me.
Her face is pale and she shakes with the aftermath of both shock and great fatigue. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her back tightly to my chest and kissing the top of her head.
“Sasha,” Keira says, tears brimming in her eyes. “Sasha took my place. Oh gods, Aldrin, I think I made a mistake. I need to go back.”
“NO!” both her parents roar at the same time, starting toward us.
“Think with your brain instead of your heart,” Caitlin snaps. “That woman doesn’t break free from her usual torment at Titania’s hands until you fight for this entire court. No one else can do it but you.”
Keira nods at her and the sisters squeeze hands tightly, stabilizing each other.
“Why Sasha?” Cyprien pushes his way to us. “Why her? Is she that expendable to you? Has that woman not been through enough already under Titania’s rule?”
“It was her choice, Cyprien. Sasha insisted,” Keira says softly. “She has her reasons and I had no other options. Do not think that I don’t hate it as much as you do.”
His face pales and he runs a hand across the black braids pulled back into a thong at the center of his head. He looks away, then drags his eyes back. “That stupid girl. Hasn’t she been tormented enough, only to throw herself into danger again, far worse than she would have otherwise endured?”