Chapter 4
Chapter four
I NEED BACKUP
Amira
Idid not look up as Riordan entered our chambers much earlier than he had been during the last couple days while he repaired the Vale.
I felt him lower the shield that he had erected between us that morning in an attempt to get my attention.
But I kept my eyes on the orders that I was still drafting for Dio to take to Erétria.
We had a lot to talk about, but after how he had behaved that morning, I was determined to make him wait until I was done working.
Riordan respected my silence and crossed the room to his wardrobe.
And then it became impossible to focus on my work while he began removing his cloak and armour.
Helping him undress was something I usually took great pleasure in since any and every opportunity to touch that gorgeous body of his needed to be seized.
And he knew that, which meant he was disrobing like that on purpose!
Once he was dressed down in casual linen trousers and nothing more, Riordan approached from behind.
My skin was tingling eagerly from his proximity even before he leaned over me.
I stilled as he braced his large hands on my desk on either side of me and pressed a lingering kiss against the top of my head.
“Are you too hard at work to talk?” he asked me softly, the sound of his voice rippling through me deliciously.
“I have some things that I need to finish. And then we can talk,” I answered him, trying to maintain indifference as I leaned over my desk and away from his bare chest.
“I see,” Riordan grunted, and I waited for him to step back to allow me to finish working. Riordan did not often interfere with my schedule, which I typically appreciated, but I found myself disappointed somehow. Some part of me had almost hoped he might…
Before I could reconcile my ridiculous and antithetical thoughts, Riordan was suddenly hauling me up out of my seat like I weighed nothing.
“Riordan—” I cried out in shock as he set me down on top of my desk. He quickly hiked my tight dress up my legs so his hips could get between my thighs. Both hands cupped my jaw, tipping it upward so I was looking at him, and he grinned at my furious glower.
“Do I have your attention now, my love?” he smirked.
Annoyed, but also strangely thankful, I leaned forward and nipped his bottom lip. I bit him hard enough that he flinched, but the retaliation only widened his grin.
“And do I have yours?” I retorted.
“You should know you always have my attention.”
“Not today. Today, you shut me out,” I reminded him, betraying my hurt in the cracking sharpness of my tone before I could help myself.
His humour immediately faded, and his thumb brushed my cheek in gentle reverence. “Amira, I am so—”
“I have work to do,” I cut him off and tried to turn my face away and out of his grip.
“I know that is not what you truly wish to be focusing on right now,” Riordan insisted with confidence.
“Oh, do you?”
“I could feel your conflict. Your secret wish for me not to let you push me away right now,” he admitted.
“Ugh, Riordan! You are not supposed to read my mind without my permission!” I hissed at him in mortification. Jerking my face out of his hold, I pressed my cool palms over my cheeks that were flushed in embarrassment.
“You are hurt, and I am pained to have been the one to make you feel that way. It is understandable that you need me to fight for your attention right now,” he assured me.
“I cannot—” I began, casting a glance at the orders on my desk, but he leaned forward to nuzzle my jaw with the utmost tenderness. The familiarity of his affection made me want to melt into him and let him help me make sense of my hurts and soothe my uncertainties.
“This comes first. Our love must come before all else, because everything will be built upon it,” he insisted.
“That is not how you made me feel earlier!” I shouted, finally losing my composure.
“Please tell me how I made you feel,” he encouraged, welcoming the heat of my anger.
“You made me feel like I am your lesser!” I admitted, finally unleashing the painful truth that had been eating at me all day.
Tears instantly burst in my eyes, stinging them when my makeup began to run.
“I trusted you to keep me safe like you promised. This is not my world, it is not my people or my throne, and everyone here only respects me as much as you do! I am at… You are my only…”
Fuck. This was not how I’d wanted this conversation to go with him. I was supposed to be making him grovel, and now I was the one crying.
“I frightened you,” he realized with mortification.
“I never thought you would treat me like that. It felt… like a betrayal. It wasn’t just that you dismissed me like a misbehaving child, but you made me feel insecure here. You made me question if I am truly—”
“No, no,” he murmured, leaning closer to press kisses against my forehead.
“Never question your place here. Today was…” Riordan hesitated and drew in a breath to compose himself before he continued.
“I did not dismiss your offer to act as a negotiator because I think you are incapable of it. The truth is… You are right, Amira.”
I blinked in confusion. “Wait… What?”
“You are right,” he reiterated reluctantly. “You are the most logical choice to go for negotiations with Ahnnaòin. Considering your prior relationship with Ornella and the fact that you are not a griffin but still have authority—”
“I am a witch, fey hate witches, and I have absolutely no authority!” I scoffed.
“You are empathetic but firm, and patient but decisive. You would be a perfect negotiator,” Riordan maintained with obvious difficulty. I stared up at him in astonishment as emotion such as I had never seen in his eyes made all of my anger and fear fall away.
“And yet… you don’t want me to go,” I acknowledged more gently, and he shook his head, visibly struggling to contain himself now.
“It would be what was best for my kingdom, and yet, there is no reality in which I send you to Autumn Court. My reaction earlier was one of fear. I did not want anyone else to hear your logic. I do not want the King’s Council questioning why I cannot do my duty and use all available resources to defend my kingdom. ”
“Riordan—” I began, reaching up to thread my fingers through his hair.
“It is purely selfish, I know that, but… I cannot.”
“But why could you not just tell me that rather than shutting me out all day?” I asked him.
“I did not fully understand my reaction until I talked it through with Orion,” he admitted. “I am so sorry, Amira. This was my weakness, my fear getting the better of me, and my inability to be logical about you being in danger. And I hurt you for it. I am sorry!”
“It’s okay,” I assured him and leaned forward to press our foreheads together. “If you feel so strongly about it, then I won’t push to go to Ahnnaòin. You are king—”
“It is no excuse. I do not want my rank to be a reason for me to be draconian when I am upset,” he said firmly. “You are my partner. My equal. Please do not consider this lapse of my fortitude to be a reflection of how I view you or our relationship,” he pleaded in earnest.
“Alright,” I agreed with a nod, and he breathed a sigh of relief before leaning forward to press tantalizing kisses along my jaw and down my neck.
“So… Orion managed to speak sense to you,” I said, trying to keep my voice teasing. Riordan gave a grunt of affirmation as he continued to kiss and nip at my neck until I was squirming in arousal on the desk.
“Does it surprise you that he would defend you?”
“Perhaps? No. Yes,” I finally decided, squinting at him in uncertainty when he raised his head to look down at me with raised brows. He laughed, but then his gaze dropped to my lips, and the humour was replaced with hunger.
“I was not surprised. You have made an impression on my skiá, Amira. He was… thinking about you today.”
“Really?” I gasped before I could curb the reaction and then cleared my throat. “You have to stop listening in on our thoughts when our guards are down.”
“It would have been impossible to ignore him when he was thinking about how beautiful you are,” Riordan said evenly with a knowing smile.
His attention was riveted, greedily absorbing every second of the reaction I could not seem to help or hide.
The flush I could never conceal on my fair skin, the shortness of my every breath, and the quickening of my pulse.
Riordan saw it all, and his hands were so gentle and tentative on my face. Hopeful.
“You said you would be willing to explore a traditional union with him.”
“I am. Orion and I discussed it,” I admitted haltingly, and his eyes widened at me.
“When? Why did you not say—”
“We spoke about it before the Spring Court collapsed, and this is the first time you and I have been able to talk. There hasn’t been time to tell you,” I explained, and he grunted in understanding.
He continued to search my eyes as I traced an eager hand down the rippling muscles in his bare torso.
“He said he is interested in me romantically, but he typically… prefers to take male lovers, so he asked for some time and patience from me.”
“But he wants you?” Riordan confirmed, and I could not help an amused smile as I nodded. The irony was not lost on me that my mate was hoping there was something between me and another man.
“But I am not opposed if you want to begin exploring things with him now. If you still want that?” I guessed, and Riordan nodded slowly with his eyes on my mouth.
“He told me he loves me. I told him I feel the same,” he revealed, fighting a coy smile, and I grabbed his arm in anticipation for him. “And… I kissed him.”