Chapter 12 The Face of Hatred #2
Ciaran hesitated while his eyes moved over me again, his attention snagging on my bloody lip and nose.
“Perhaps now you can see just how much danger you put me in?” I guessed, making my voice sound mocking rather than allowing my hurt to show.
He winced slightly and grunted noncommittally before turning away. It was not an apology, far from it, but I was mollified at least to know that he had not meant for me to be so vulnerable. I supposed that was something.
Thankfully, Finn was beaten up badly enough that I didn’t need magic to haul him through the portal while Ciaran wrestled with Arren. The rider was not gentle, and I heard more than a few sharp grunts of pain from behind me.
There were guards waiting to take the captives away, and I had to repress another bout of disappointment at the confirmation of how everyone else had known the plan. Everyone aside from me. The one being put in danger.
As soon as my cousins were taken off both our hands, a pixie appeared holding two plates of food up to Ciaran who accepted them with a murmur of thanks.
“Here. Eat,” he ordered me as he shoved one of the dishes into my hands.
I decided to ignore his rudeness because it had actually been a long time since I’d eaten anything. And interacting with my cousin had completely drained me emotionally.
“Fuck! The vargr need to eat—” I realized aloud.
“Darragh took them out this afternoon,” Ciaran said and then tilted his head for me to follow him toward the table at the back of the tent. I was surprised he wanted to share a meal with me, but I went to sit across from him.
There was quiet between us for several moments while we dug into the venison, sautéed vegetables, and bread that we had been given to eat.
“So was it Rian’s idea? The ambush,” I clarified.
“No, it was mine. I think he might be angry when he hears about it,” Ciaran admitted without looking at me.
The revelation that this had not been Rian’s plan was an immense relief to me. I needed to know that the leader to whom I had entrusted myself would not put me in that situation without my consent.
“Do you not have the magic bangle? Like the one that Sage used on me,” I clarified. Ciaran shook his head.
“Aodhan made a pair for each of us, and he connected each set to a rider so they would obey our will. Once they are dissolved, they are gone, and I used mine long ago.”
There was another moment of silence while he ate before Ciaran heaved a sigh. “I am sorry,” he muttered.
My head jerked up to look at him, my brows high and my mouth dropping open in astonishment.
“Pardon me?”
“You heard me!” he retorted instantly since he already expected me to tease him.
“It was not my intention for you to be vulnerable,” he explained more calmly before returning his attention to his meal.
“I was waiting for you to deal with him yourself. If I had known you were unable to protect yourself, I would have intervened sooner.”
I did not trust myself to speak right away, so I merely nodded in understanding. At least it was nice to know that he trusted me to handle myself.
“Yeah. I did not miss the feeling of having my power taken from me,” I admitted eventually. I had been striving for humour, but there was actually a lot of vulnerability in that admission, which shocked me.
“Your people are cunts,” he growled and roughly tore his bread apart to mop up the melted butter on his plate.
His vulgar curse was an unexpected but very welcome shock since that word wasn’t part of the aes sídhe dialect, and he’d had to switch to Sìth Gaeilge.
And perhaps I was just too overwhelmed by emotional turmoil, but I laughed at his denouncement.
Bracing my elbows on the table and covering my face, I laughed until I cried in exhaustion.
“They really are,” I agreed, discreetly wiping the tears off my cheeks before going back to my meal.
There was silence again for a moment while we ate, and I warred with the rawness I was feeling.
This would usually be the time I sought solitude so I could repress all the uncomfortable memories and feelings, but I no longer wanted to be alone.
I wanted my mate. I wanted Sage so fucking badly that it made me feel sick from the aching for his gentle words and reassuring touches.
Unfortunately, the closest thing I had to him right then was the grumpy rider in front of me. So I decided to test the olive branch that Ciaran seemed to be extending.
“Thank you… for capturing them.”
Ciaran grunted dismissively at me around a mouthful of food. “As far as I could tell, it was only two of them, which means you should not need to worry about your people for a while,” he said once he had swallowed.
“It won’t be long before my father will send someone to check on them. Acquiring me is very important to him. And there will be other Tiarnaí looking to acquire me or get rid of me as well,” I assured him.
Ciaran slowly lowered his fork to his plate and stared at me for a moment of such deep contemplation that it almost made me regret saying anything to him.
“And what makes them think you would ever agree to use magic for them during the Díothú Mór?” he asked.
Rian had said that he would explain the situation to the other riders to make sure everyone was on the alert for my family. But it was still jarring to hear Ciaran casually speak the name of the tournament that had given me nightmares ever since I escaped Sumarra.
It was honestly the very last thing that I wanted to talk to anyone about, least of all Ciaran.
It was only out of necessity that I even explained things to Sage and Rian.
But I did trust Sage, and I trusted in his love for the man before me; even in spite of all my experiences with him.
And it occurred to me that if he understood better what was coming for me, then perhaps Ciaran would be a little more cautious with my safety.
“They do not need my agreement, Ciaran. They will use a harness that my father designed specifically for me to syphon my power,” I explained tentatively.
I did not want to meet his gaze. But I raised my eyes just in time to catch a quick glimpse of the discomfort on his face as he pushed chunks of meat around his plate.
“I was never… I don’t know how much you actually know about dryad culture from my brother,” I hedged.
“Just assume I know nothing. I have the sense that his experience as a male would have been vastly different,” Ciaran advised me with his eyes on his plate.
Despite his dismissive mood, something I was coming to suspect was more about his personality rather than his distaste for me, I sensed he genuinely wanted to understand.
“It is tradition for males to bargain with one another for anam bonds with powerful females,” I began.
“I know about that,” he confirmed with a quick nod. “Your brother was bound to a female he did not want.”
Someday I was going to need to learn everything that he and Rian knew about Aodhan, but it was not today.
“My mother ensured I was born early and in secret so my father couldn’t force me to bond with the male whose father negotiated for me. You know anam share power naturally, but the Ruadhán design harnesses for females that ensure the exchange only goes one way.”
I watched his brows pucker and knew that this was not something Aodhan had told him about.
“When I was born without being bonded to the infant male that my father had selected for me, he had to create a new harness. One that would allow him or someone of his choosing to take control of me. My mother’s bloodline is powerful, so I’m a desirable acquisition,” I explained, bile rising in my throat.
“The nature of my harness means that I am not bound only to one male but could be used by whoever has control of it. Meaning someone need only steal it from my father, and they could have me.”
It was a little more complicated. That person would also need my father to show them how to use the harness, but I didn’t bother getting into any of that.
Ciaran was quiet for a moment, his face all scrunched as if his meat tasted funny.
“You said your mother was powerful, and I know from Aodhan that is because you are a direct descendant of the goddess Danu. But you are far stronger than your brother. Why? What makes you so special?” he asked, raising his brows to let me know that he was teasing. Mostly.
I gave him the finger, forgetting he did not understand the significance of the human gesture until he cocked his head at me, but I ignored his confusion.
“Female dryads are naturally stronger than the males, and I am unbound. There is no one stealing my magic.”
“I see. And that fop said you have a husband?”
His casual reference to that monster made me drop my fork on my plate, startling us both with the loud clatter.
“You heard that?” I asked once I’d recovered.
“I assume it is the male that your father always meant for you to be bound to,” he continued easily.
“Y-yes,” I acknowledged warily. I had been more open with him than with anyone else but Sage. But Laisren was not something I wanted to discuss with anyone. Ever.
Ciaran was either content with that or he could sense my aversion because he merely nodded.
“They will rue the day that they underestimated your strength and power. I hope you know that,” said Ciaran, his tawny eyes catching me off guard with his intensity. The unexpected sincerity nearly made me choke up again, so I forced a playful smile for him.
“Careful now, Ciaran, or I might start to think that you actually care about me,” I teased him.
“We would not want you to be confused about that,” the asshole agreed with a smirk. I gave him the finger again out of habit, which made him frown at me.
“Is that supposed to mean anything?” he asked before popping the last of his honeyed carrots in his mouth.
“It’s a human thing. It means ‘fuck you.’”
“Fuck you,” he repeated the human English, his accent making the curse word sound so damn lovely that it was no longer offensive. “And what does that mean?”
“It has lots of potential meanings. It’s versatile, which is why it’s my favourite word. But in this case, I am using it unseriously to indicate I am annoyed with you.”
“And what other meanings can it have? How do you know which is meant?” he wondered.
“I guess it is mostly inferred by context,” I shrugged. “So if I said that I wanted to fuck with someone, then it likely means I want to sabotage them. But if I were to say that I want to fuck them, then it means I probably want to have sex with them.”
Ciaran frowned at me, and I noticed for the first time that he had an adorable little knot that puckered between his brows whenever he was confused.
“Do humans often associate sex and sabotage?”
“I think they do, actually. But I mostly just like the way it sounds. It is a very satisfying word,” I explained.
Ciaran grunted in response, unconvinced or uncaring, so I motioned encouragingly with my fork. “Just try it and you will understand the appeal.”
“Just finish your meal. I look forward to interrogating those ignorant little bastards, and Rian has just informed me that he needs to see us now. He has something to share with us about what Nuala learned,” Ciaran urged, going back to his no-nonsense mode with me.
I didn’t even mind this time. I was also eager to get to that interrogation, and I wanted to know if what Rian had to share was a plan for getting Sage back.