Chapter 47 AT WAR WITH HIMSELF #2
The Theas Droichead was the biggest of two bridges on the Fréamh an Tsléibhe.
The immense river extended from the base of the Nabaneese Mountains and stretched halfway across the plains between Feura and Nabeene.
And as such, it was about to become the focal point of the upcoming battle since the Fuath army would need to take control of the river if they wanted to get to us.
I turned my head to the east, but I could see nothing beyond the glare of the lanterns along the stone causeway.
It would have made more sense for them to attack from that direction where the river did not impede an advance, but I’d use their mistake to our advantage nonetheless.
Regardless of how important Theas Droichead was to the Nabaneese merchants, I would sooner destroy the bridge than allow the Fuath to take it.
And that was what I should have been wholly focused on as I walked into battle all on my own.
That along with the problem of how I was going to ensure the Fuath did not overrun my army without using the full force of my power to simply annihilate them.
And yet, as I listened to the thud of my boots on the cobblestones under my feet, my traitorous mind returned to Nuala and that kiss.
Gods… I wanted to kiss her again. Why in the name of the Tithriall had I not been kissing her all this time? Did any of my fears about us even matter if she made me want her like this? Enough to ignore every reason we both had to stay away from one another?
Distant screeches finally drew my attention again, just as I reached the other side of the river.
I inclined my head to the guards who were preparing the defensive towers for a potential siege.
They looked confused as they bowed, but they did not question me as I strode by them and out into the dark plain beyond.
The mountainous horizon loomed under a starry sky once I had moved far enough away from the torchlights.
My night vision was good, but there was no denying the infrared in my helmet was much better, so I took it off my belt and put it on as I walked.
It was almost eerily quiet for several moments until the purple gleam of fire began flickering ahead.
My ears perked at the sounds of wood burning and collapsing, and the excited shrieks of Fuath began to carry across the field.
Tell me when Nuala gets there with you, I told Darragh through our bond, and he agreed.
I stopped to raise my arms out on either side of me, and fire erupted from both palms with enough heat and intensity to instantly ignite the grasses.
My hands flipped down and then swept up again into fists as I took hold of the flames in my mind.
Then I poured power into them until they formed an immense wall stretching for miles on either side of me.
I stepped through the gap and closed it behind me so the Fuath were trapped on one side with me and would not be able to get around to attack the camp.
Over the thunderous roar of the inferno behind, I heard the Fuath reacting.
My helmet automatically adjusted my vision for the light of the fire so I was able to see them scurrying toward me out of the darkness.
They were like ants crawling all over one another in a mindless swarm.
The brightness and heat from the fire eventually made them try to slow, but instead, they began tumbling over one another as the ones behind kept pushing.
Some were able to stop and hurl spears and rocks at me, but mostly the chaos was making it impossible for them to organize.
Many were even pushed right into the fire on either side of me and were instantly incinerated.
I began to summon my power from where I usually kept it contained as tightly as possible.
I was extremely careful not to let it corrode the very air or feast upon the magic in the earth.
But as it unfurled around me, I knew it felt similar to the way Darragh felt when he stretched his dragon wings after being confined in a two-legged form.
It had not even fully manifested, and yet it made a hissing sound in my mind as it made contact with the world.
I felt it nipping at me with an impatient and insatiable lust to be fully free to ravage and devour everything.
I breathed through the exertion of holding it in check, trusting my shields to protect me from the projectiles that the Fuath were hurling.
Once I was absolutely sure I had my power completely under control, I opened my eyes and extended my hands slowly with my palms facing up.
My magic manifested like oil welling within my palms, glimmering with malice in the firelight as it began to flow over my fingers to the ground.
This was not the gentle wisps of shadow that tenderly caressed Nuala.
This was the purest essence of the volatile hunger that was always raging within me.
Assured of my command of the power, I willed it to dissipate into a mist that hung heavy in the air above me before I set it upon the nearest Fuath.
Millions of slivers of shadow drove straight through their armour into flesh and bone and began eating.
Not just their physical bodies, but their very lifeforce and magic too.
Within seconds, they were screaming, tearing at their armour and clawing at themselves until they bled as they tried to dig out the shards of shadow. But no matter how much skin they carved away, my magic was in their veins, draining them without conscience.
This violent retribution was everything that I had been craving since learning these monsters had slaughtered my entire village.
That my mother was murdered while I was drunk and high in another court.
As the loathing and guilt reared up inside me, it was all I could do to maintain my head enough not to unleash utter devastation.
I demolished the creatures by the dozens as slivers of my magic continued to spread from disintegrating husks to those still living. Consuming and devouring. Once my reserves of power were finally full again, I began to push the excess to the other riders.
I could have summoned even more power and spread the destruction farther, but I managed to stay on alert for the mage. Something told me that I would be able to taste whatever magic Queen Aoibheal was using on him.
I felt a familiar tug on my awareness and recognized éadrom approaching. He was flying over the wall of fire behind me and was about to land at my side, but I could tell something was wrong before he even touched down.
“Nuala!” I shouted furiously when I spotted the witch clinging to his back once the vargr retracted his wings.
She winced, using a hand to block her face from the fearsome heat and intensity of the fire wall, so I quickly erected a shield around her to protect her from it.
“You know I need to be close if I am going to help you find the mage, Rian!” she insisted in exasperation once she was able to speak to me.
She slid down from the vargr in a dress and the same breastplate she had donned to face off with the Sylvan.
She moved so confidently it was like she’d been riding him for years, and éadrom nuzzled her as he moved to put his body between her and the Fuath.
I pointed at the relentless tide of monsters swarming toward us again. If not for the heat and brightness of the wall of fire keeping them back, and my ward repelling the projectiles, we would have been overrun in moments.
“Do you not see how dangerous this is?” I demanded in disbelief. She merely rolled her eyes, and I swore my blood boiled in fury. “You almost died just hours ago!”
“Oh, don’t pretend like my death wouldn’t be the most convenient thing to happen for you!” she snapped.
I was so horrified by her denunciation that I reacted without thinking and grabbed her by the throat to drag her against me. I leaned over her, my bone mask mere inches from her glaring face as my body vibrated with rage.
“You are wrong. You could not be more wrong!”
“As you say,” she said sarcastically, utterly unfazed by the skeletal visage that struck such fear into the hearts of even seasoned warriors. “We have a job to do here.”
“No,” I growled, tightening my grip on her when she tried to pull free. “Not until you understand something.”
“This is hardly the time for—”
“You should have thought about that before you came out here and put yourself in danger!” I broke in sharply. “And you definitely should have thought about it before you suggested that I would celebrate losing you!”
“Fine! I suppose we will have it out here and now then in front of the whole Fuath army!” she laughed with an edge of hysteria as she cast her arm toward them.
“You are… Unbelievable! You are the most infuriating female I have ever met!” I shouted, my breaths sawing in and out as I tried to regain my head again.
“Thank you, Rian,” Nuala quipped drolly.
I was not sure what was happening, but it almost felt as if something was bubbling up from inside. Something monumental and unquestionable that was tramped down so deep for so long that it had become unrecognizable.
Before I knew what I was doing, I’d torn off my helm and thrown it to the earth hard enough to shatter the bone if it weren’t magically indestructible.
More shadows bled out of the crevices of my armour and began to curl around Nuala as if drawn to her, but she didn’t flitch.
She stood in front of me with her chin tilted up in defiance even as my temper rose to unprecedented heights.
I couldn’t recall the last time I had allowed myself to feel so much.
No, that was a lie. The last time my emotions got the better of me like this was the day I killed thirty people.
“I am sorry I’m not the male you wanted or expected. But do not ever say I don’t care about you!” I shouted.
More and more shadows were hemorrhaging out of me and into the charged air between us.
That normally would have utterly terrified me, but it was like being so close to her had created some sort of forcefield.
She was the only place where everything vile and ravenous from inside me could be free and contained all at once.
“But you are that man! You are just too afraid to fully give him to me,” she insisted with frustration.
“What are you talking about?”
“I am talking about this!” she explained as her hand waved between us through the swelling mist of shadows. “Your pain. Your fears. Your truth! It is eating you alive! Can you really not see how it poisons you?” she asked as she shifted to stay in front of me when I tried to turn.
“Look around!” I snapped back, indicating the magic. “Can you really not see how dangerous I am like this?”
“You are not dangerous! I hate that you think—”
“When I lose control, people die. That is what I would call dangerous,” I gritted out.
“Why do you think there is such a disconnect between you and éadrom?” she asked me, taking me off guard. “Your magic is only like this because you are constantly at war with yourself—”
“I have to be when the alternative is to—” I began, turning from her, but she grabbed the riblike pleats of my armour to stop me from walking away.
“No,” she growled. “You are not running away.”
“Let go,” I rumbled furiously.
“Just let me have you! Please!” she cried so suddenly and so brokenly that it drew me up short. “I just… I just want to have you,” she added in a hopeless whisper.
“There is nothing here worth having, Nuala.”
I turned from her stricken expression to face éadrom who was watching me with sorrowful eyes. I commanded him to fly, to be my eyes in the sky so I could be done with the Fuath, but he flattened his ears and growled.
“Go!” I shouted at him in frustration, and his growl softened into a whine. “Please, just go,” I pleaded.
The vargr huffed at me before he leapt up into the sky, and using his vantage high above, I wiped out the last of the Fuath still near us. I could see with his eyes where the rest of their army assembled to the east, and I knew from Darragh’s updates that we were ready to meet them.
I did not look at Nuala again as I diminished the wall of fire and cast a portal to meet up with our army.