Chapter Twenty-Two
Kim’s head swung towards the sound of Wray’s voice, her eyes searching. Finding him, the tension she hadn't realized had been building since he'd left, disappeared.
“You 're back.” She whispered, his words causing her lips to tremble with emotion.
“Of course I am.” He assured her, moving directly to her, wrapping her in the safety of his arms. “I told you I would be.”
“I know.” She said as she buried her face in his chest, her arms encircling his waist. “I just missed you."
” You are well?” He asked, his eyes shooting to Tora. Had Tora harmed her?
“I’m fin e.” She said, propping her chin up on his chest to look up at him. “Tora was the perfect gentleman. We were just talking.”
“About what?” Wray asked.
“About you. Me. What happens now. Tora is concerned that if we are able to produce offspring that you would replace him as your first male.”
“What?” Wray's eyes flew to Tora in disbelief, but he could see that Kim spoke true by the look in Tora's eyes.
“ I told him that was ridiculous, but I think he needs to hear it from you.” Kim said softly.
“Tora , you will always be my first male and one day Emperor. Why would you think such a thing?” Wray asked, confused.
Silence was Tora's only response.
“I think it has something to do with what happened with Van.” Kim said quietly.
“What?” Wray looked down at her in shock. “ Why would that have anything to do with Tora thinking I would replace him as my first male?”
“Because it is my fault Van died." Tora answered. "I failed him... and you.”
“You did no such thing!” Wray immediately denied.
“He was only there be cause of me . He was my responsibility. Mine! A fit and worthy brother would never have allowed him to be harmed… never have allowed him to be left behind… to die.”
Wray slowly released Kim and went to Tora, gripping one of his shoulders with a firm hand so he couldn’t turn away from him. "The blame has always been mine, Tora. Not yours." He could tell Tora didn’t believe him and didn’t know how to convince him.
“Wray told me that the warriors who were with you, ignored your protests.” Kim said softly, moving to Wray's side.
“I could have ordered them to leave me.” Tora told them.
" They never would have followed that order Tora.” Wray informed him, squeezing his shoulder. “ You are my first male. Their future Emperor. Your survival is always the priority. It has been that way since the dawn of the Empire.”
“Then I should have gone back for him.” Tora argued back angrily , his voice breaking.
"Then you both would have been lost." Kim said quietly.
"I don't care!" Tora lashed out at her, ripping away from his manno’s grip. "At least it would have been an honorable death and I wouldn't have to live with this shame."
Suddenly Kim understood... it was guilt... Tora was filled with guilt over what had happened.
What he had done.
What he hadn't done.
Kim understood perfectly.
"Tora..." Wray began only to have Kim cut him off.
"Are you really that selfish , Tora?" Kim demanded, stepping in front of Wray. "Is it really all about you?"
"How dare you!" Tora took a threatening step towards her, expecting her to back away , to hide behind his manno. All females fled before an angry male instead she stood her ground sticking her small chin out.
"I dare because it is the truth." Kim fired back. "You were a young male, caught up in circumstances outside of your control and you have to live with the decisions others made. You can stand there and rage because you don't like it but... too bad, so sad... that's life and it isn't always fair." Kim paused and tipped her head slightly to the side. "You know, you weren't the only one that lost Van... Wray did too, and he was his manno. Did you ever once stop to think about what it did to him? What it would have done to him if he had lost both of you."
"He would have taken another Empress and replaced us. Just as he is doing now!" Tora told her.
"You know , Tora," Kim leaned towards him. "You are an asshole! I wanted to like you because you are Wray's offspring, but I don't think I'm going to. I've never had offspring, but even I know that they aren't 'replaceable'. Each one is special in his or her own way. Did you ever think about the pain that it caused your manno to lose Van? Did you?" she demanded and saw his eyes widen. "I've seen the pain in Wray's eyes when he talks about losing Van, about how he nearly lost you . It was as strong and sharp as the day it happened. It still haunts him that he wasn’t there to protect both of you."
"Kim is correct , Tora." Wray said quietly, his eyes boring into Tora's. "The failure has always been mine. The shame. Never yours."
Tora stared at his manno and for the first time he saw his pain. They had never talked about Van and Tora had thought it was because his manno blamed him. Now he saw it was because he blamed himself.
"I understand what it 's like to lose a sibling, Tora." Kim said softly and Tora pulled his eyes away from his manno to Kim and saw in her eyes all the pain he felt. "To feel like it's your fault... I lost my older sister, Jen, not long ago. We had a fight. It was my fault and then she was gone. I never got the opportunity to take back the hurtful words I said. Never got to tell her how much I loved her. The only thing I can do now is to try and honor her memory by not making those mistakes again.” Kim’s voice broke and she felt Wray's gentle hand on her arm, silently giving her his support.
“ You can't go back, Tora," she forced herself to go on. "No matter how much you want too. You can't change what happened in that river. You can only go forward as Van would have wanted you to and live the best life you can. You dishonor him by questioning the sacrifice he made. He gave his life for his future Emperor... for his brother. Only the truest and fittest of warriors can do that. Honor him, Tora, because if the situation were reversed, wouldn't that be what you would want him to do."
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
Both males were speechless after Kim's impassioned speech, but for different reasons.
Wray silently thanked the Goddess for bringing this amazing female into his life, for she understood him as no one else did. No one understood that he still grieved for Van, that it still troubled him. Males weren't supposed to grieve for those they lost… remember them… yes... but grieve... that was for females... not that he had ever seen one do so.
He woul d like to believe Adana would have grieved for Van but he couldn't be sure. Once she had turned Van over to him, she had taken no further interest in him. But Van had wormed his way into Wray's heart with the little pranks he had liked to play on Wray's Warriors, especially Veron. He would always wait until just before the Warrior would enter Wray's command center. He still remembered the time Veron reached into his pocket and pulled out a baby Kele. Veron had acted as if he knew it was there all along, but Wray had known better.
Tora was silent because... well, he was stunned. This female... she seemed to understand loss and pain. How was that possible? She was female . They were never harmed. Never had to sacrifice. If a male somehow failed them , they just chose another to replace him. Yet Kim had stood by his manno, even after his own warriors had attacked her.
She understood his pain, even after the Ganglians had... when he had barely shown her the respect she deserved. He felt his shame grow and it had nothing to do with Van.
Wray watched the emotions racing across Tora's face and understood every one of them. Tora had never known a female could be caring or understanding. Wray hadn't either, not until Kim.
She was sh owing all of them that their world could be different. Should be different. It was going to take some time, but he knew that together they could overcome anything.
Wray pulled Kim close, wrapping her in his arms. He has never been filled with so much pride before. This female of his... she was amazing. She loved him, faults and all. She cared about his offspring.
Wray had known Tora felt guilty over Van's death, but he never knew the extent of it. Had never known how much Tora blamed himself. He was only twelve years old at the time. The blame was never his. Kim had made him see that, and they were both better for it.
But it had cost her, he could see it... it had made her remember the things she couldn't change, the things that happened with her sister. He needed to ease her pain now, just as she had done his.
"Come , my Kim. You need to rest." Wray told her.
"She needs to eat first." Tora informed him quietly, his eyes still on Kim.
"What?" Wray looked to the platters and saw they were still full. "You were supposed to eat while I was gone." He turned concerned eyes to Kim. "Why didn't you eat , my Kim?"
"I wasn't hungry and then Tora and I started t alking. You know, you weren't really gone that long, Wray." She could see her answer didn't satisfy him. "What did your brother want?" She asked, trying to distract him.
"I will tell you after you eat." Wray said, putting a hand on her waist, guiding her to the table. "I will tell both of you."
"Wray..." Kim tried to protest . She still wasn't sure her stomach would take it.
"Don't , Kim." He said angrily. "I wasn't able to see that you were properly cared for on Pontus. I will now!"
Sighing heavily Kim let him lead her back to the table. She understood his anger, knew it still frustrated him that there had been so little to eat on Pontus. She needed to let him care for her now.
“Alright. Fine, but both of you will eat too.”
Kim was surprised at how well the meal went after that. Wray and Tora talked. She listened. She even chuckled a few times at some of the stories Wray told.
She tried a little from every platter , agreeing that Reeve's cook had over seasoned the meat and that she didn’t like it, although the pastry was good. She found she liked the items from Wray’s platter the most. It was like the food Jen would have made. Simple yet tasty. The thought had her hand stilling as a sense of homesickness overwhelmed her.
" What is wrong, Kim?” Wray asked, instantly knowing something had upset her.
“I was just thi nking about Jen." Kim told him her eyes filling as she looked at him. "About how she would have prepared this. She would have made it unbelievably good.”
“You r manno truly had two females?” Tora asked tentatively.
“ Yes." Kim said, forcing the tears back to answer Tora. "It’s not that uncommon on Earth.” Kim missed the shocked look Tora sent his manno. “She was older than me by five years. She was a trained chef, she loved to take the raw foods like these,” Kim gestured to her platter, “and make them into wonderful things. She was going to open a restaurant with her husband and then my parents died and she had to care for me instead. When they disappeared, I was devastated.”
“ What happened to them?” Tora asked.
“ I don’t know. I just know they’re dead.”
“ You don’t know that for sure, Kim.” Wray told her lifting her into his lap as he always did when they were in the cave. Knowing she needed to be held as much as he needed to hold her. It was an amazing thing… touch. He never realized how important it was until Kim. Had never understood how comforting it could be. Now he couldn’t live without it. “They could have been found by now.”
“ No, Wray, thank you for saying that, but no.” Kim laid her head on his chest, letting the steady beat of his heart ease her pain. “Jen never would have abandoned me like that, no matter how much I deserved it.”
“You didn’t deserve it , Kim. None of it.” Wray told her as he leaned down, pressing his cheek against the top of her head.
“ Maybe… I just wish I knew what happened. I miss her.” Kim whispered, cuddling in closer.
“ I know Kim and if I could, I would bring her back to you.”
“I know you would Wray, just l ike I would bring back Van for you and Tora if I could.” Kim eyes went to Tora, who was sitting, silently watching them.
“What did Grim need?” Tora finally asked.
“They found the wreckage of the Jerboaian ship.” Before Tora could ask, Wray quickly filled him in on how they had found Jerboaian males on the Ganglian ship.
“That’s what was so urgent?” Tora couldn’t keep the disbelief out of his voice and Wray frowned at him, then looked down at Kim.
“You don’t want to talk about it in front of me.” Kim said not even having to look up at Wray to know she was right. Pressing against his chest, she eased out of his arms.
“Kim…”
“It’s alright Wray.” Kim said, leaning over to kiss him lightly on the lips. “I’m tired, so I’m going to go to bed. You and Tora can stay up and talk about all those things males talk about that you don’t want females to hear.” She gave him a slight smile, then looked to Tora. “It was very nice meeting you Tora. At least for me. I’m sure you don’t feel that way, but…” Kim just shrugged her shoulders.
“Kim, I’m sure Tora has been just as pleased to meet you. Aren’t you Tora.”
“Wray stop.” Kim puts her fingers across his lips. “You can’t tell Tora to accept me and have it be true. It’s going to take time and work. Time you are going to give both of us and hopefully we’ll get to the point where we can at least be friends.” Replacing her fingers with her lips, she gave him one last kiss. “Wake me when you come to bed.” She whispered, then left them alone.
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
Tora watched Kim walk away with a frown on his face. Had she really just said she would like to be ‘friends’? How was that possible? Males and females were never ‘friends’.
“She is nothing like our females Tora.” Wray told his offspring quietly. “She is more. More loving. More understanding. She is everything I’ve ever wanted but didn’t know was possible. She makes me… whole.”
Tora couldn’t believe it was his manno talking like this. He couldn’t believe any male would talk like this. Yes, every female deserved to be treated with respect, Tornian or not, but to make you ‘whole’. How was that possible?
“I know you don’t understand.” Wray rose from his chair to walk to the window, trying to organize his thoughts as he watched the flashes of lightening in the distance. “If a male had come to me saying what I just said, I wouldn’t understand it either. I couldn’t, because I had yet to experience Kim. I can only hope the Goddess will see fit to bless you with a female such as my Kim.”
“Even if she gives you no offspring?” Tora couldn't help but ask.
“Even then. She matters more to me.” Wray said, turning to face Tora.
Tora sat quietly watching his manno for several minutes. Finally, he spoke his truth. “The Assembly will never accept her as your Empress. She isn’t Tornian.”
“ She will be Tornian once I have declared her so.”
“What! " Tora's chair hit the floor as he stood. "But…”
“It is within my power as Emperor to declare anyone Tornian I deem worthy.” Wray told him.
“Yes , but it hasn’t been done in centuries and never with a female.” Tora argued back.
“Nothing prevents it. " Wray told him firmly. "She will be my Empress.”
Tora recognized that look on his manno’s face. It meant he has made his decision and the time for discussion was over. It also meant Tora would have to decide if he was going to support it.
Could he?
Could he not?
This was his manno and he had never met a fitter or a more worthy male. He never decided things on a whim. Has always ruled fairly and with the best interest of his people at heart. He didn’t take a new Empress after Tora's mother had died so others could have offspring. Now he had found a female that he said made him 'whole'.
Joining with her took away no other male's chance of having fit offspring and if she did have offspring, it would never take his place.
Was it his right to deny his manno this?
“If that is your decision, then know I will support it.” Tora told him. “So was it only wreckage that Grim found?” Tora asked, changing the subject.
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
Wray saw Tora's struggle on his face. Saw him carefully think it through, and at that moment saw the fit and worthy male his offspring was becoming. He was questioning... not just accepting... even with his manno. It was what he needed to do, to become a good Emperor.
"No." Wray said, moving away from the window, clapping a hand of acknowledgement on Tora's shoulder before he leaned down to right the chair. "He found evidence that this wasn't the first ship the Ganglians had destroyed. Apparently they've been at this for some time."
"Why? What possible reason could they have for taking Jerboaian males and females from an unknown planet?"
"I don't know, but Grim has notified General Rayner about what he has found and Rayner plans to investigate it further on the Kaliszian side while Grim plans to monitor the area the Ganglians seem to be using more closely."
"And you did not want the fe..." Tora stopped himself when he saw his manno's eyes darken. If he was going to truly accept his father's decision, he needed to start now and give Kim the respect he would want for his own Empress. "Kim to know this?"
"No. I don't know if she's considered it, but it is possible that the Ganglians captured her sister too. Kim was taken from the same area as her sister disappeared from."
"Why not tell her your suspicions?" Tora asked.
"Kim was barely alive when I found her Tora, the best we can tell, the Ganglians had her for nearly two weeks." Wray saw Tora pale as he finally realized the amount of abuse Kim had survived. "Jen has been missing for over six months. The chances that she is alive..."
"Are zero, no one survives that long with the Ganglians."
"No and I don't want Kim imagining the abuse her sister had to suffer. She will blame herself."
"Why? There was nothing she could have done to prevent it."
"Did that stop you? With Van?" Wray asked.
"No." Tora whispered. Finally, what Kim had been trying to tell him sunk in and a little of the guilt he has been carrying slipped away.