Chapter 29 Regan
TWENTY-NINE
REGAN
After getting back from Richmond and everything that happened with Dean, I’ve thrown myself into preparing for the next race—Martinsville. Though that race isn’t until after the gala coming up in a few weeks, the team and I still want to be as prepared as we can be.
I’m about to head home for the day, then I stop short.
Dean is leaning up against his truck with his arms folded across his chest and a knowing smile on his face.
Why is he here? I take in his form, his biceps that bulge out, his lean and fit frame, the denim jeans that hug his ass so perfectly.
Just knowing what he looks like with his clothes off makes me appreciate how he looks with his clothes on, and he looks fucking good.
We haven’t spoken too much since getting back from Richmond, but he’s been on my mind almost constantly. Mostly thinking about all the dirty things we did together. Now I’m starting to think about it again, and my panties are definitely damp already.
“Dean? If you wanted setup tips, you need to be a bit sneakier than just standing in the shop parking lot,” I say in a taunting but teasing tone.
“Har-har. I think we have managed to figure it out on our own. But if you’re offering, Brady…” he taunts back, the usual bite in my name gone.
So is this how it’s going to be now? All flirting and no actual taunting? This is new territory for me, for us. My cheeks heat and I flick my eyes up to meet his again. He licks his lips as if remembering how I taste on them. Makes me want to taste them again, too. Taste all of him.
I somehow refrain from doing so. I take a step back from him. I can’t keep wanting him this much, he’s still my rival. No matter what happened behind closed doors.
“Any other reason why you’re here, Dixon?” I ask, bringing back a slight bite in my tone.
He winces and rubs the back of his neck, nervous energy coming off him.
“I was wondering if you wanted to go to the gala with me?” He lets out a breath and smiles at me.
That’s not what I was expecting him to say.
I really don’t know what I had been expecting, but asking me to the gala was not on my list. I’d forgotten about the gala until earlier this week when Leslie texted me, asking to go dress shopping together.
I usually don’t like these events; getting dressed up just isn’t my favorite thing.
I should say no to going with him, right?
No one knows about what happened at Richmond—unless he’s told someone.
Wouldn’t someone find it weird if we showed up together?
I’m about to say no when I hear my mouth saying the exact opposite.
“Sure. I’ll go with you.” Dean absolutely beams at my response. The only time I’ve seen him this happy is when he wins a race. “As friends,” I clarify.
“Right. Of course. I’ll pick you up.”
He basically dances back to his truck and takes off. What have I just agreed to?
All week, my mind has been reeling that I agreed to go to the charity gala with Dean.
Eventually, I’m going to have to tell people.
If we just show up together, people’s reactions are going to be off the charts.
Unless he’s told people already. He was pretty excited when I told him I’d go with him.
I should just tell him I’ve changed my mind, that we shouldn’t be seen together.
That in the eyes of the racing world, we are to be seen as rivals only and nothing else.
Another late evening at the shop, like the rest of this week, and everyone else has gone home while I remain.
Just ensuring things are as perfect as they can be and to keep my thoughts about Dean at bay.
The shop door opens and closes with a bang while I’m lying under the car, then a foot pulls me from under it on the flat roller.
“What the hell?” I snap. Dad is looking down at me with a worried look on his face. He knows something is up with me, but I’m not having that conversation with him. It was bad enough in middle school having the sex talk with him. Needless to say, we pretend that part of life doesn’t exist.
“Why are you still here? Everyone else has left,” Dad observes.
“I just need to be sure everything’s perfect. Dixon is getting too close in points. And with Hicks getting close as well—”
“Regan, stop,” he says calmly. He extends a hand to pull me up to my feet. “Everything is fine. The crew has it. We have time to double check everything. The race isn’t until after the gala, anyway.”
I sigh. There’s no arguing with Karsen Brady. I begin to pack up my tools and clean up the area I was working in when his next question stops me.
“Was Dixon here earlier this week?”
Shit!
“Uh—yeah. He was,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. Dad raises a suspicious brow at me.
“What did he want?”
“Oh…um. He was just trying a new tactic at getting in my head,” I lie.
I’m not sure if Dad fully believes me or not. By the look on his face, he doesn’t believe me at all, but gives a knowing nod.
“Get out of here. Go relax.”
Once I’m home, I decide on a nice, hot shower, getting all the grime and grease off me from the shop.
I’m climbing into bed and about to grab a book to relax when my phone buzzes.
I beam at the phone when I see Dean’s name on the screen.
How can just a text make me feel so giddy? Especially when it’s Dean Dixon.
Dean
Hey! Race ready yet?
Me
I think so. You? Still scheming for tips? Lol
Dean
As ready as we can be
Your Dad going to be back?
Me
Yea. He’ll be there. Glad he’s back
Dean
That makes one of us
Me
Meaning?
Dean
That we won’t get a lot of alone time
Alone time? Is that all he wants from me?
Sex? I thought maybe by asking me to the gala, he saw more than just sex.
Or, at least, just sex as friends, but am I even that for him?
I should have known better than to think anything else.
This is why I never do this; I get attached, start dreaming of something that I should know will never come true.
He said it himself: he’s not the relationship type.
I shouldn’t have let my imagination run wild, even if the way he looks at me now means something is between us.
I guess for him it’s not as deep as I thought it was.
Me
Sorry that’s all I can provide for you
Dean
What? That’s not what I said
Regan?
I leave him on read. I’m too hurt to respond to him.
I think back to the night we spent together and I thought…
I don’t know what I thought. That he would change?
That I thought a playboy would change his ways for me because I thought I felt something more between us.
I’m such a fool to even consider that. He led me on, saying that I wasn’t just another grid girl.
Turns out, that was just empty words. I wipe a tear from my eye and pull out my phone to text Cindy.
If I ever needed my best friend, it’s now.
Me
Hey. you busy tonight?
Cindy
Nope. just chilling at home and some homework. Why?
Me
I need some advice and I can distract you from boring homework
Cindy
I could use a distraction. Drinks and snacks are at the ready
I arrive at Cindy’s new apartment and knock. She opens the door with a glass of wine in her hand.
“You started without me?” I joke as she lets me inside. I follow her into the kitchen where she pulls a beer out of the fridge and hands it to me. “Ah, you know me so well.” If there is anything to know about me, it’s my hatred of wine.
“So, what’s new with you? What did you need to talk about?” she asks, taking a sip of wine and leading us into the living room to relax on the couch.
She shifts on the couch, placing her wine glass on the table in front of us, as she takes in my disconcerted face. “You can tell me anything, you know. No judgement.”
No judgment. Just like Dean said when I opened up to him before he ate my pussy in a way that made me see stars.
He seemed to find the combination to that lock.
Or is it just him? I felt so relaxed, when usually I’m all in my head, trying to make sure that I’m saying the right thing, touching them the right way, moaning in a sexy way.
Dean just let me be in that moment, and I didn’t care.
Now it seems I shouldn’t have laid my trust in his hands.
When I should have known all he would do is to throw that trust in the trash.
I place my own beer on the table on one of her coasters and turn toward Cindy, but keep my eyes cast down. “I think I fucked up,” I admit, my voice low.
“What do you mean you fucked up? Is this a racing thing? You’re still leading in the points, right?”
Cindy has never been into racing, but supports me and keeps up with the important happenings throughout the season.
“Yes, I’m still leading in points, but…” I trail off. I don’t know if I can say it. She waits patiently for me to continue, not wanting to make any assumptions. I suck in a large breath. “You remember Dean from the diner?”
“The hot one? Sure, what about him?”
“I might have slept with him,” I say, my voice weak. Why is this so hard to say out loud?
“What?!” Cindy shrieks. “When you say ‘slept with him’?” she asks using air quotes.
“We had sex. Amazing sex, in fact. Best sex I’ve had. Now he’s stuck in my head, and I knew it was a bad idea given his reputation, and he asked me to the gala—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Breathe,” Cindy says, stopping my rambling. “We’ll figure this out. So, he just wants sex and you want more?”
I take a moment to think. I’m not really sure.
Despite letting my mind wander to all the possibilities, I’m not sure which one I really want to come to fruition.
“I don’t know. We sort of agreed to play it by ear, and then I thought there was something there when he asked me to the gala.
” I finally look back up at Cindy who nods for me to keep going.
“Then he texted me about this weekend, and it’s clear that he only wants sex.
I shouldn’t have slept with him in the first place. ”
“Why? He’s hot. Much better than the last guy you were with—Kyle? I’d fuck him,” she says with a laugh.
I swat at her playfully and chuckle. “It was Kevin, and this is serious, Cin. We’re supposed to be rivals, fighting for the same goal. What if people think I slept my way there?”
“And?” she questions. “People already think Daddy Brady is the only reason you’re there, and that hasn’t stopped you.”
“That’s different,” I counter.
“How?” she pushes.
“It just is. This is…personal.”
She’s not wrong. I already deal with so much with defusing sexist questions from reporters, ignoring any troll with a keyboard, and I know how some people in the garage look at me, questioning if I should really be there or not.
It’s fucking exhausting. This is just the cherry on top of the already existing bullshit I deal with.
If I can handle all that, I should be able to take anything else they throw at me, right?
“College has made you way too smart for your own good, you know that?”
“That’s why I keep paying tuition.”
I toss my head back in a laugh and Cindy joins in. I really think about what could happen if people find out about Dean and I being together, even as friends. “I just feel like this could all end badly.”
“So what if it does? Kyle did probably the worst thing by cheating. But not every guy is like that, and you won’t know until you try.”
I was devastated when I discovered Kevin’s cheating. Cindy saw how much I broke down, so I’m a little surprised that she’s telling me to go for it now.
“I just don’t know if I can handle that kind of heartbreak again,” I admit. “He’s still a playboy. He doesn’t want a relationship, he said as much.”
“Then you need to do what you feel is best for you, protect your heart if you feel it needs protecting.”
I take in what Cindy has said, and I know what I need to do.