Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
DEAN
I was on cloud nine when I left that bathroom at the gala. Having Regan come all over my hand in that sexy red dress is forever seared into my brain. I’ve been playing it on repeat every time I need relief.
Though after I saw her talking to Ian at the bar, she promptly disappeared for the night, and I haven’t been able to get a hold of her since.
Do you even text your benefits-only person if you’re not asking for the benefits?
I just want to be sure that everything’s okay and that she didn’t run out for an emergency or something.
Can I really just be benefits with Regan Brady? I know that my reputation is bringing a new grid girl to each track, but since being with Regan, it just seems…wrong.
The sex is amazing, and I’d love nothing more than to keep having sex with her, but I do enjoy just spending time with her, too.
That’s something I’ve never experienced before with a woman.
The women I see know what they are there for, I know what they are there for.
And now, that’s not what I want from Regan.
Maybe I could have a relationship with her, even if I’ve never been in one before.
I don’t know what that would even look like. I have so much baggage…
My head is so screwed up. I can’t be thinking about relationships with her. It’s benefits only for a reason, that’s what I need to treat this as. I can’t sit around thinking about it anymore. I text Chase about going out, and he sends out invites to everyone, setting everything up.
They choose a bar, Victory Lap, in uptown, and I take an Uber to meet them there.
Once I arrive at the bar, it’s Chase, Taylor, Ian, and Greyson.
A stool is open next to Chase. I take it and order a beer from the bartender, a woman in her mid-twenties, in a black crop top and dark jeans, with wavy hair.
Normally, I would have instantly started flirting, but it just doesn’t seem right.
Although, I did ask for this night out to forget my current predicament.
So, maybe a little flirting is in order.
“Dixon, finally. Now, to what do we owe the pleasure of this gathering?” Chase asks.
Chase knows about Regan and me, but not about what happened at the gala.
He was too busy being upset about Leslie dancing with Greyson and Drew to really notice anything with me.
I know he was also upset that Leslie left in a hurry, most likely with Regan.
I’m sure he needs this night out as much as I do right now.
“Just needed a guys night out,” I say, keeping it vague.
Taylor or Chase are usually the ones dragging me out, not the other way around.
And I typically avoid going out the night before race weekend, but I need to clear my head before seeing her again.
The bartender places my beer on a coaster in front of me.
She gives me a wink before tending to another customer.
Taylor comes up on my other side to wait for the cute bartender. “So, what’s the plan?”
I take a big gulp of beer. “Get drunk, talk to women,” I declare.
“Sounds like a plan,” Ian says, squeezing his way in at the bar. My eyes narrow. He was talking to Regan right before she left the night of the gala. I want to know what he said to her to make her leave. Before I get a chance, a shot glass is thrown into my hand by Chase.
I don’t like the fact that Ian is here, but I didn’t make the guest list. Next time, I’ll need to be more specific about who to invite. Chase, Taylor, Ian, Greyson, and I all clink our shot glasses together and throw back the clear liquid. It burns going down and I wince. Tequila, not my favorite.
Multiple drinks and shots in, I finally start to relax and forget why I needed this night out in the first place.
As the drinks continue to flow, so does my ability to let loose and just be without worries of everything else, and just be.
No race for the championship, no Regan, just me and my friends having a good time.
A group of women enter, and they all come up to the bar to order their drinks.
I’m not paying too much attention, I’m talking to Greyson about…
something. I don’t know what anymore, honestly.
He talks way too fast, and I’ve had way too many drinks to try to keep up.
Maybe it was something about a pet turtle?
That doesn’t sound right, either. Taylor nudges me and gets both of our attention.
“Damn, bro!” Taylor exclaims. Greyson just lets out a low whistle. I follow where Taylor and Greyson are looking, and damn is right. All four of them are smoking hot in short dresses and high heels.
The blonde catches my attention. She’s in a halter top dress that’s barely long enough to cover her luscious ass. She turns with the straw from her drink between her lips, and our eyes lock.
It’s on.
Ian is handing out shots, and I grab one and down it for a little more courage. I have no reason to be nervous, this is who I am, one night stands and grid girls.
“Dude, you’re so dead,” Chase says, but I’m not sure if he means something else by that statement.
“Damn, that chick is eye fucking you,” Ian says, taking another shot.
“You better go talk to her.” He shoves me over to her, and I almost knock her over in the process.
I steady myself and then her, my hands around her waist. I peer over my shoulder and Ian just gives me a wink.
Something about it causes the alcohol in my stomach to churn.
He’s up to something, but the beautiful blonde in my arms catches my attention again.
“Shit, sorry about that. My friends are being dicks,” I say with a laugh. “I’m Dean, by the way.”
“Stacy. Nice to meet you, Dean,” she purrs, her voice reminding me of Regan’s.
No, you’re not thinking about her tonight.
“Can I buy you another drink?” I ask, despite the fact that her drink is still mostly full. Her lips purse around the straw, sucking all of the liquid from the glass, finishing it.
“Sure.”
I buy us each another drink and a round of shots for us and her friends. We cheers, and everything after that is a blur of drinks, dancing, and forgetting everything that is Regan Brady.
I wake the next morning to the sound of my phone buzzing on the nightstand. My head is already pounding with a hangover. I scrub a hand down my face as my room comes into focus. At least I made it back to my own place last night. I groan and grab my phone—it’s Chase calling.
“Hello?” My voice is gravelly with sleep and from partying the night before.
“Hey, man. You sound awful. Just wanted to be sure you got to the track on time.”
The track? What the—oh shit, I need to get to Martinsville.
“Shit, right. Thanks, man.” I throw the covers off my body and roll to the edge of the bed.
That’s when I notice a blonde woman in my bed…
naked. That’s not the same blonde that I have been sleeping with.
I clutch the phone tighter in my grasp. Though I’d wanted to forget about Regan last night, this was the furthest thing from my mind.
Fuck.
“Uh, what happened last night?” I ask Chase as I’m getting dressed and packing up my bag so I can leave for the track as soon as possible.
“Oh, what a night. Is Stacy still there?”
Stacy? I’m guessing that’s the blonde’s name, since that’s not Regan’s silky blonde hair on my pillow. Stacy’s looks more like straw, who is now awake and staring at me.
“You’re going to have to fill me in when I get there.”
“Sure thing. Don’t wait too much longer to get here,” Chase warns and hangs up as I’ve finished packing.
Fortunately, Martinsville is only a two hour drive from here and I can make it in less time if I don’t follow certain traffic laws. I’m still scrambling to grab some final items as Stacy sits up in my bed, sheet pulled up to her chest.
“You’re leaving?” Stacy asks.
“Um, yeah. Not to be an asshole, but you need to leave. I’ll call you an Uber.”
I’m tapping on my phone to get the car here while she’s pulling her dress and heels back on from last night.
“And here I was hoping that we would cuddle some more,” she jokes, the sarcasm clear in her tone. “An Uber would be great.”
I walk her out just as the car pulls up and I throw my bag into my truck. I’m glad I decided to load up the RV onto the back of my truck yesterday, or I’d be screwed.
“I had fun, maybe we could do it again,” she says. Again? I don’t want to do this again. I just want…Regan. I know last night was meant for me to forget her and treat us as a benefits only situation. After waking up to someone that isn’t her, that’s not something I want anymore.
“Oh—I—umm,” I stammer. She just laughs and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.
“You have my number. Text me.” She climbs into the Uber, and I stare at the taillights drifting off down the street.
I touch my fingertips to my lips; it feels wrong to have someone other than Regan kiss them, it doesn’t feel the same at all.
Flashes from last night start to come back to.
The shots, the beers, dancing, bringing Stacy home, and everything that followed.
I run my fingers through my hair, still messy and tangled from sleep.
Being with Stacy, waking up next to her was nothing compared to being with Regan.
My stomach flips, nerves taking hold. How is she going to react to what I’ve done?
I know we determined benefits only and nothing exclusive, but it feels like I’ve cheated.
And after what she confided in me about her past—I’m so fucked.
“Fuck!” I shout once I’m inside the truck. I take off toward the speedway, my grip on the steering wheel so tight my knuckles begin to turn white. Regan can’t know what happened last night. It’ll destroy her, and she’ll never trust me again.
I make it to the track with enough time to set up in the infield and make it to the hauler to meet with Steve before qualifying and practice.
“About time you got here,” Steve disgruntledly says.
“Yeah, sorry. My alarm didn’t go off,” I lie. “But I’m here, let’s do this.”
Steve just nods and walks off. Damn, when he doesn’t say anything, I know he’s pissed. Qualifying and practice go decently enough despite my massive hangover and the pounding that continues in my head.
I climb out of my car and Chase is waiting by his car to do his run. I place my helmet in the car, grab a sports drink out of the team cooler, and head over to him.
“Glad you made it,” he says with a slap on the shoulder.
“Barely. Thanks for waking my ass up.” I take a sip of the drink, and I already start to feel better.
“It’s no problem. How was…?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me. “You know?”
“Honestly,” I shrug, “I really don’t remember. It’s been coming back in pieces.”
“It happens to everyone. She was hot, though.” Chase goes for a high five, but I don’t reciprocate it.
“Look, can we not talk about that night, like, ever again?” I plea, twisting the cap to my drink on and off nervously.
Chase seems shocked but gives me a knowing stare. He knows about Regan and he’s guessing this is about her not finding out about this. I used to be one to brag about my conquests to my friends, but not anymore.
“Sure. Does this have to do with…” He glances around to be sure no one is within earshot. “Brady?” he finishes in the whisper.
I give him a nod and his expression changes, like he fully understands how I feel. Wanting to not mess something up so badly, though you know you already have, and you’re just doing your all to make the best out of a bad situation.
Chase glances away from me and I follow it. Regan is looking at us as she talks to Leslie, who seems to also be looking at Chase. She quickly breaks my gaze to resume talking to Leslie.
Mustering all the courage I can, I walk over to Regan, and Chase takes off back to his car and crew, and Leslie leaves as soon as I come close to them.
When I finally reach her, I instantly look at her lips, wanting mine to be on them again, to taste her, feel her soft skin on mine and watch her come undone all over again.
“Good qualifying run,” she says, her face stoic and hard to read.
“Thanks. You too,” I reply, still glancing down to her mouth.
Silence.
She takes a deep breath like she’s trying to steady herself for whatever it is she’s going to say next. I give her the time to find her words.
“About the gala,” she begins. My already hardening cock stirs, remembering every detail, every touch, every breath, everything that is her. “I’m sorry I left like that, and about what I said in the bathroom about benefits.”
“I liked what you said about benefits.” I smile, though I can tell it’s a bit forced. At the time, benefits only seemed like something I could agree to, but I feel like something more than benefits is something I want. “I saw you talking to Ian before you left, did he say something to you?”
“It’s not important. What I wanted to talk about was the benefits. If we are going to do this, we need to be exclusive. No one else on the side.”
I really want to know what Ian said to her to make her run off, but I don’t want to push her, either.
I risk her running again and I don’t want that.
I shift on my feet, knowing that I’ve already broken this rule.
I should tell her, come clean right now.
Everything in my being stops me. I’ll ruin our chance at being anything if I tell her now.
I need her, crave her, and I can’t lose her.
“Agreed. Just benefits, no feelings, only us,” I confirm.
“Agreed.” She sticks out her hand to seal it with a shake. I take her hand in mine and resist the urge to pull her into me.
“I’ll see you, Dixon.” We linger with our hands connected a beat longer than we should before she removes her hand from mine, and I almost instantly ache for her touch again.
I’m so fucked.