Chapter 39 Dean
THIRTY-NINE
DEAN
We finish the episode of Bridgerton, and I look down at Regan who’s fast asleep next to me. I close the laptop and place it on the nightstand, turning off the lamp.
She rolls over into my side, splaying a hand on my chest. I can smell her vanilla shampoo, and I let it invade my senses.
I know that this is subconscious for her, but I like the way it feels.
She looks so relaxed cuddled up next to me.
When our interactions at the racetrack are usually tense, or here in the bedroom where it’s all passion and pleasure, this is pure peace and relaxation. And I want to see more of that for her.
Knowing that she’s here, and will be here in the morning, makes my heart flutter like it’s going to take flight right out of my chest. I slide further under the covers and place my hand on top of hers.
Whatever this feeling is, I like it. It’s nothing like waking up with Stacy in my bed.
This is something more, much more, and that scares the shit out of me.
I know I should probably tell Regan about what happened and be honest, but I can’t lose this, lose her. There’s never a good way to bring it up. Best hope that she never finds out about it.
When I wake the next morning, I reach over to a cold side of the bed.
Regan is already gone. She must have snuck out early this morning, and I didn’t even wake up to notice.
I roll over to check my phone for the time.
8:00 a.m. She really must have been out early.
I need to get to the shop anyway to do some more testing and discuss strategy with Steve and the crew for the next race.
I hop into the shower, the smell of sweat and sex still clinging to the air and my body from the night before.
Even after my shower, I still get whiffs of her vanilla scent, and part of me wishes she had wanted to stay longer.
Pictures of us waking up and cuddling in the morning, having breakfast together, knowing how she takes her coffee in the morning.
I want to know all of it. I run my fingers through my damp hair and blow out a breath to rid myself of that fantasy, because that’s all it can be—a fantasy.
Though I know this makes me seem needy and clingy, I text her before I walk downstairs to the shop. Her leaving before I could wake up has shaken me somehow. Not sure how to describe it, but I need to make sure she’s okay with everything.
Me
You were out early. Didn’t want to stay for breakfast?
Regan
Benefits only doesn’t include breakfast
Me
Not even exclusive benefits?
Regan
Nope
Me
Fine. You missed out on eggs and bacon. And you did spend the night, is that part of exclusive benefits?
Regan
By accident. Won’t happen again
Me
I didn’t mind. You can stay anytime
No response after that. I keep checking my phone every chance I can throughout the day.
I work with the crew in the shop until lunchtime.
They are getting ready to leave to go to lunch together; they always invite me, though I usually decline, opting to just eat at home.
Today, though, I do agree to go with them.
With all the swirling emotions inside me that I’m still coming to terms with, not allowing myself to get too deep in thought sounds a lot better.
They have chosen a local Mexican restaurant, and we are quickly seated by the host and order our drinks. Where everyone seems to get some form of alcohol, I’m just not in the mood and go for just a water.
Mark, one of the engineers, says jokingly, “What’s the matter with you? No beer?”
I smile and shrug. “Nothing. Just don’t feel like it today.” Mark just blinks at me, like he’s trying to read my thoughts, to see what’s really happening.
“No, something is up with you. What is it? Is it the stress of making it into Cup? We can still make it,” he says reassuringly. I figure I can let them think it’s just racing related and nothing to do with my lingering thoughts of my rival, Regan Brady.
“I just want that Cup seat so badly,” I say, giving my partial truth. I scan the faces down the table, and everyone is nodding in agreement, determination in each of their eyes. They have all been working so hard to get me there, they deserve this win, too. “Not just for me, but for y’all as well.”
“Don’t worry,” says Travis, the lead mechanic at the end of the table. “We’ll get you there.”
The whole table starts to hoot and holler, and I smile at them.
Knowing they have my back no matter what, it’s a good feeling to have.
One that I’m not privy to a lot of the time.
I’m so used to being on my own. My team reminds me that’s not the case, that they have my back.
“Shhh, people are starting to stare,” I say as the room full of patrons are now all looking at us. “Y’all are gonna get us kicked out.”
The table calms down just as our food arrives, and it’s mostly quiet as we dig into our meals.
Maybe they are right that we can get into Cup, but that means Regan doesn’t.
The thought makes me uneasy. It makes me worry that she may be too distracting after all.
I just can’t give her up. Now that I’ve had a taste of her, the pull I feel toward her is so strong, and I know I just can’t let her go.