Chapter 45 - Dean
FORTY-FIVE
DEAN
Do I tell her how I really feel? Do I dare to let her further in, to fully expose myself to her, only to potentially hurt her again? Her eyes are pleading with me for an answer. Those gorgeous, hazel eyes that are like deep caramel that I want to drizzle on top of everything to make it sweet.
“Now,” I take a deep breath and slowly exhale it, “I know I have feelings for you. Not being with you has been torture for me.” She bites her lower tip, taking in what I’ve just admitted to her. Reaching out, I pull her lip out from between her teeth with my thumb, making her breath hitch.
The butterflies are going wild in my stomach. I’m on the edge of saying those three words. Words that can change everything. I have a feeling she has feelings for me, though I don’t think she’s ready to admit that. If she can’t admit that to herself, she can’t admit it to me.
I think I’ve felt this way about Regan well before this season. I wanted to push her away, make her the enemy so that I wouldn’t feel anything but animosity toward her.
It’s now or never, because I really have nothing else to lose. She’s already partially out the door, and if this is the final push, then so be it.
“I love you, Regan. I think I have for a while. Even before we were physical together.” She audibly gasps and tries to say something, but I jump in before she can say anything. “You don’t have to say anything back. I just needed you to know.”
Her mouth opens and closes like a fish that flopped onto the deck of a boat, unable to respond. Though her eyes give her away. She loves me back; she just can’t say it yet. I’ll wait an eternity for her if that’s what it takes.
“Dean, I care for you, I do. But…” She fumbles over her words, so I take her hand to ease her nerves.
“It’s okay. I understand. We can just hang out tonight. Finish Bridgerton?”
She laughs, breaking the tension in the air at my confession. I cue up my laptop and we curl up into my bed, watching until we fall asleep in each other’s arms.
Maybe for the last time.
The next morning, Regan left when Karsen texted her that he was about to leave and she didn’t have her truck this weekend, so she had to go with him. She gave me a kiss on the cheek, which gave me a bit of hope, as she left my RV.
Packing up the outside of my RV, Chase and Taylor walk by. Taylor has a weird look on his face and keeps checking his phone, while Chase is just smug.
“Can I help you with something? I’m a bit busy.” I unhook the water hose and begin to roll it up to place it in a compartment.
“Did I see Brady leaving your place this morning?” Taylor asks. “And you said you would be at Leslie’s party, and we never saw you there.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “So what if you did? And I was there, just not that long.”
Chase’s brows raise, like he knows there’s more to the story, and Taylor accepts my answer and is back to typing on his phone.
“So, that’s the reason both of you have been acting weird,” Taylor says, finally putting his phone in his pocket. “Because you’ve been fucking?”
I face Chase and raise my brows, and he returns a look that says, I didn’t say shit.
I return a look of my own, I know your secrets, too. And he starts to back down. Taylor doesn’t seem to know anything official about Regan and me, or about Chase and Leslie. He seems to have a secret of his own.
“It’s really none of your business.” I glare more at Chase to ensure that he keeps his mouth shut. Taylor picks up on it, though, and slaps his best friend in the arm.
“You knew and didn’t tell me?” Taylor exclaims.
“Ow! What the hell?” Chase wails. “I don’t know anything,” Chase lies. Taylor narrows his eyes at his best friend, seeing right through him.
“You did know. What else are you hiding from me?” Taylor asks, seemingly forgetting about me entirely. Chase freezes, eyes wide. He hasn’t told anyone besides me and Regan, not even his best friend.
Chase recovers finally. “You wanted to laugh at Dixon. Keep me out of it.”
Taylor looks between us, mumbling something under his breath, and storms off. Chase releases a breath and scrubs his hands over his red stubble.
“He’ll come around,” I reassure him.
“I know. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t.”
I place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Trust me, I get it.”
Chase gives me a small smile and heads in the direction that Taylor took off in. I’m finishing up when another voice announces their presence. I really can’t catch a break today.
“Dixon!” Ian shouts, sporting two black eyes and a busted lip. I stifle a laugh at the sight. He’s lucky he’s even walking with what he did to Regan.
“Nice face, Hicks,” I say, glaring at him.
“You’re going down, Dixon,” he hisses. “The series won’t let you race these last two races now that this,” he points to his face, “is public now.”
I look at him, confused, as I get a notification that I’ve been tagged in an Instagram post. I pull my phone out of my pocket and open it, and my stomach drops into the center of the Earth.
Oh, no, this is not good. This is very, very bad.
I don’t know who this is going to be worse for in the end.
My eye twitches as rage sizzles to the top of my skin.
If I could breathe fire, you’d see steam coming out of my nose and ears with how angry at Ian I am.
God, the urge to hit him again is strong.
“I’ll just tell them what actually happened. That you had Regan cornered.”
Ian instantly laughs. “So, it’s Regan now?
I knew something was happening between you two, but didn’t have proof.
I get a two for one deal with this takedown.
The series will never believe you over me on this, Dixon.
Be prepared to never make it to Cup or even race again. My parents’ lawyer will see to that.”
I drop my gaze from him; he has a point. I’m not known for following the rules or keeping my reputation squeaky clean.
I never thought that would come back to haunt me, but here it is, looming over my shoulder like a dark storm cloud, waiting to unleash a downpour over my head.
“You can kiss that Cup seat goodbye, and it’s as good as mine. You can start calling this your final season now.”
There has to be a way out of this. Even if it means I lose everything and Regan can get that Cup seat, I’ll be okay with it.
I hop into my truck to make my way back to Charlotte, trying to come up with something of a game plan.