Chapter 50 Dean
FIFTY
DEAN
“Hand me that socket, would ya?” I ask Travis. He and I are in early today to continue playing catch up from being suspended. And now that Hicks has passed me in the points for second, the pressure is really on for this final race. I take the socket and snap it onto my ratchet.
“What do you think about set up as we have it now?” Travis asks. He wipes off his hands on a rag and grabs his laptop to input some of the data so he can have Mark, the lead engineer, run yet another simulation.
“I feel pretty confident in it, I think.”
“You think?” He quirks a brow. I’m usually so sure about the set up, and I trust my team to get it right. With this three way battle for the championship and the Cup spot, I’m more on edge for the final race in Talladega.
All I can think about is making Daniel proud by making it into the Cup Series. It’s so close I can taste it. If one thing goes wrong, it’ll be ripped away from me, just like he was. A hand on my shoulder jolts me out of my spiraling thoughts.
“Don’t worry,” Travis encourages. “We’ve got you.”
“Thanks.” I let out a breath.
Travis heads out for the day, but there’s not too much more that can be done today, anyway. I’ve been here since the crack of dawn. Good thing the commute is short. I’m washing my hands when my phone buzzes in my rear pocket. As soon as I see Regan’s name across the screen, I instantly relax.
Regan
Back in NC. Still wanna grab dinner?
Me
Absolutely. How’s 7? Pick you up?
Regan
Yea! See you then.
It’s already early afternoon and I need to shower and do some other things around the apartment before picking her up.
I’m cleaning up the last bit of tools before I can go shower when the side door to the shop opens and closes.
Steve walks in and shakes his head at me, not surprised that I’m still here.
“Thought you’d be done for the day,” Steves says.
“I am. Just cleaning up. I think we have it as ready as we can for the final race.”
“That’s good. Mark said he’s going to run some final simulations just to be sure.” I nod, finishing packing up my tools. “What’s got you so distracted?”
“Nothing,” I say, probably too quickly. “Playing catch up is hard, is all.”
Steve shakes his head at me. “No, it’s something—or, should I say, someone—else.”
I nervously rub the back of my neck and sit on a nearby stool. “Is it that obvious?”
Steve leans up against the car and laughs. “Very much so.”
“Fuck,” I say on an exhale. If Steve knows, then everyone knows.
“You punched Hicks in the face for her. Obviously you have feelings for her. You wouldn’t risk your future like that if you didn’t.”
Alright, fair point.
“I love her,” I admit to him. I don’t know why I’m telling him. He’s really become a father type figure since my parents cut me off.
“I know you do,” Steve says softly. Not the response I was expecting. “Just be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt or potentially let this opportunity slip through your fingers because you are competing against your girl.”
“I can handle it.” I hope it sounds more believable than I feel, because I’m definitely losing focus. Regan is constantly on my mind, consuming most of my brain space where racing used to take place. It’s a new feeling for me.
When I pick Regan up, she climbs into my truck, and I can’t stop staring. She is wearing a blue sundress that looks absolutely stunning. The neckline is dipped so low that I wonder how her tits don’t fall out of it.
Fuck, stop staring at her tits, you idiot.
She buckles her seatbelt and locks eyes with me, a bright smile on her face, her perfect hazel eyes shining. I’m not sure how long we sit in her driveway, I just can’t look away.
She’s just so—perfect.
“What?” she asks, pushing a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. For once, she’s kept her hair down. It’s usually always up in some kind of ponytail, but the few times I’ve seen it down, it’s definitely my favorite look on her.
“You’re beautiful,” I say as her cheeks flush to a bright pink.
“So, umm, where did you want to go for dinner?” I think for a moment, and then I know the perfect place.
When I park in front of The Meadows Diner, Regan seems a bit confused.
“The diner?”
“Yep,” I reply enthusiastically. “It was the first time we had a somewhat civil conversation.”
She laughs as I help her out of my truck. Before the day she stumbled into the diner with her friend, we had only exchanged hostile words. That’s the day I think I started to fall, and fall harder than I ever expected.
I wave at everyone who is working tonight, greeted by smiling faces and welcoming energy. I lead us to a booth toward the back of the restaurant. Ms. Rosa comes over to greet us and take our orders.
“Well, hey there, Dean,” she drawls in her thick southern accent.
“Hey, Ms. Rosa. How're you doing tonight?”
“I’m doing just fine, dear. So glad to finally meet you.” she says, looking at Regan.
“Regan, this is Ms. Rosa. She's been here since the dawn of time,” I joke. She swats my arm at my comment. I rub my arm like she wounded me and chuckle.
“Nice to meet you, Ms. Rosa,” Regan says.
“The pleasure is all mine, dear. It’s about time someone taught this one how to be a gentleman.”
Regan gives a small snort. “Someone had to. Though I think we still have some work to do.”
“Hey! I’m a delight,” I counter.
Ms. Rosa and Regan just look at each other, then back to me, and they both laugh. Good to know that they are on the same page to make fun of me.
“What can I get you and your girlfriend to drink?” Ms. Rosa asks after their fit of laughter, taking a notepad and pen out of her apron.
“Oh, I’m not—” Regan starts, but I cut her off.
“I’ll have a root beer, and a Diet Coke for you, right?”
She nods and Ms. Rosa leaves to bring the order to the kitchen.
I don’t know why I stopped Regan for correcting Ms. Rosa’s term of ‘girlfriend.’ Probably because I like how it sounds.
To be able to officially call Regan Brady my girlfriend sends my heart fluttering around my chest like a hummingbird.
“She seems nice,” Regan says, pulling me from my thoughts.
“She is. She’s kind of the diner mom here. She was there for me when Daniel died and when my parents cut me off.” I pick up my menu, pretending to read it. I know this menu inside and out. A beat of silence passes between us as we scan the menus.
“Do you think they’ll ever come around?” Regan asks.
I haven’t really thought about it. The last time we spoke, they made it very clear that I was to quit racing or be cut off.
I made my choice, and they followed through with their threats.
Not just cutting me off financially, but all contact.
I understand that they want me to be safe.
What happened with Daniel’s HANS device was a fluke, and there are measures in place now to keep that from happening again.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “When Daniel died, all they could think about was wrapping me in this protective bubble. That’s not how the world works.
That’s not how I work. Every time you step outside your front door, there are risks.
You can’t just hide away because something may happen. That's not living.”
I end my rant when Ms. Rosa comes back with our drinks and to take our food order.
“You’re right. That’s not living. And doing what you're passionate about is. I’m sure Daniel is proud of you, Dean.” She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand.
A warm feeling spreads from our touching hands and through my chest. She means what she says.
It warms my whole body to know that she sees me as Daniel did.
Letting people in to see my more vulnerable side has always been hard, and Regan makes it easy.
For the first time since Daniel’s death, I feel free to be completely me around her.
Who would have thought that the person I couldn’t stand for two years, someone who literally knocked me on my ass, would make me feel like this?
After I drop Regan off and return home, the conversation about my parents replays in my head. On a whim, I pull out my phone and dial before I can talk myself out of it. She picks up on the third ring, a chipper note to her voice. A voice I now know I’ve really missed hearing.
“Hello?”
I freeze. Do I just say hello back? Is that all you say to greet a parent you haven’t spoken to for two whole years? Or did she delete my number, and she has no idea who this even is? Oh, god, this was a bad idea.
“Hello? Dean? You there?”
I inhale to regain my composure. “Yes, I’m here. Hi, Mom.”
“It’s been a long time, Dean,” she says, a hint of sadness in her voice.
“It has,” I reply. A few beats of silence pass between us. I don’t think either of us really knows what to say or how to approach the elephant that sits between us.
“I see you’re close to winning the championship next week.”
They’ve been following me this whole time? A wave of excitement washes over me, knowing that they still care enough to follow through the season.
“Yeah, I am. How did you know?”
“I know that words have been spoken in the past, but we never stopped caring for you, Dean. It’s why we wanted you to stop racing after Daniel died.” She takes a breath, seemingly to steady herself before she continues. “We still watch every race. I wanted to reach out so many times…”
“What stopped you?” I ask, prompting her to continue.
“I just figured you would still be upset and didn’t want to talk to us.”
I’m in complete shock by what she’s admitted.
They’ve been watching this whole time. Hiding in the shadows, wanting to come out, but they thought I didn’t want them in my life anymore.
For a period of time, that was true. I was so angry that they wanted me to give up my passion.
Over time, I’ve also wanted to reach out, but I always convinced myself it was a bad idea.
That I’d remind them too much of Daniel and have them remember that he’s gone.
“You’re the one who cut ties, not me,” I say matter of factly.
“I know.” Mom sighs. “And we shouldn’t have done that. The grief of losing Daniel was, and still is, overwhelming. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, too.”
“You did lose me, Mom. Two years lost between us.” She’s my mom, she’s supposed to support and love me no matter what. Her and Dad’s ultimatum kept us apart for two years. Dealing with our grief alone, when we could have helped each other heal.
“You and Dad wanted me to give up my passion because of your fear. Do you know how hard it’s been for me without you there? Having to grieve Daniel alone. To see others have family members at events while mine are nowhere to be found. How much I wished you’d call?”
All of these feelings I’ve kept buried are bubbling up to the surface. How angry and sad I was that not only had I lost my little brother, but my parents as well when I needed them the most.
“You’re right. We shouldn’t have projected our fears onto you. We just didn’t want to lose you, too. In the end, we did, for two long years.”
My blood starts to cool as she explains. She sounds truly sorry, and maybe this was what we needed to happen to start to patch things up between us. Sure, it’ll take time to fully stitch us back together again. This is just the first stitch of many.
“I hope that we can continue to talk to each other. Both me and your dad miss you. I hope you’ll consider it.”
“I would like that,” I say. Even at twenty-two, having my parents support me is still important to me.
“That’s good to hear, Dean. Can I ask you one thing?”
“Sure.”
“What made you call now?”
Oh, shit. Do I tell her about Regan? Can I be so open about something like that so soon into trying to put the pieces of our relationship back together? Knowing my mom, she probably already knows. She has a way of knowing my secrets.
“A friend convinced me I should.”
“This ‘friend’ wouldn’t happen to be Regan Brady, would it?”
And there it is.
“It could…”
“Just because we haven’t spoken for two years doesn’t mean I’m not still your mom. And I still know everything.” She laughs.
I let out a chuckle. “I’ll call again soon, Mom.”
“I look forward to it.”
We hang up and I feel lighter, freer, and now more than ever, ready to tackle the next race and win the championship and the spot in the Cup Series.