Chapter Thirty-One
Lola
Dear Roman,
So, I’m going to Japan. I’m sorry I’m not saying goodbye in person, but I think I’m going to be gone for a while.
So, I guess, I’ll see you when I see you.
Lola x
- Letter from Lola, age 18 to Roman, age 25
Roman drives us to my parents’ place and an only slightly sober Mase and I do as we agreed. We sit down in the living room, Mom and Dad in their dressing gowns, me dressed to the nines but breaking inside and Mase smelling of booze. Together, we tell them what’s been going on with him.
There’s a lot of hugging and crying but the relief on Mase’s face is clear.
Afterwards, tears still in her eyes, my mom helps Mase into bed in his old room. There are cracks in my heart from hearing what Mase went through. I hate that he’s been blaming himself all this time, for what happened to that solider, for what happened to me.
I stay in the hall after they’ve gone upstairs, staring at the photo of the whole family, including Roman, sitting on a surfboard on the beach.
I’m only eleven in it, and Mase and Roman both have the same shaggy hair cut they sported for most of their teens.
I used to daydream about running my fingers through Roman’s hair.
Unease cracks like ice around my heart. Roman and Pine Rock will forever be entwined in my mind.
One simply doesn’t exist without the other, which is a large part of why I stayed away for so long.
I can admit that the other reason is because I was running.
From the girl I used to be. From the mistakes I made.
From that night and everything that happened after it.
I could go to prison for what I did. The hall sways a little and I lean back against the wall.
My stomach is stone hard, like I’m slowly calcifying from the inside out.
I don’t know how Richard’s PI discovered what I did six fucking years ago, but it doesn’t really matter.
Whether he follows through on his threat or not, I need to come clean.
My dad finds me in the hall and wraps an arm around my shoulders. I let my head drop, resting it against his chest.
“That’s my favorite photo of you kids. Sand in your toes, smiles on your faces.”
I shift my head so I can look at teenage Roman’s face. He’s so happy and free in that photo, windswept hair and a borrowed rash vest. He may look like his father, but the man I met tonight is nothing like Roman.
“Why did you and Mom decide to be a host family?” It’s not something I’ve ever asked before. As far as I was concerned Roman just turned up at the start of fall break and that was it. He was one of us.
Words hum in my dad’s chest as he speaks.
“We always wanted a big family, but after your difficult birth we didn’t want to risk trying again.
One of the other teachers at school mentioned hosting a boarder for the vacation and I knew your mother would love it.
” My dad chuckles. “I was a bit apprehensive at first, some of the kids from that school…” he trails off.
“But we struck gold with Roman. Or at least we did until he started dating my baby girl.”
“Dad.” I roll my eyes and dig my elbow into his stomach.
“Think he’ll go for the whole gun-toting scary father routine?”
I smirk. “I’m not sure much scares Roman.”
A soft kiss to the top of my head. I slide my arms around his waist and hold on like I’m a little kid. “I met his dad tonight.”
“Ahh. Bit of a dick, isn’t he?”
I peer up at him, my eyes bugged as his mustache twitches.
“Twat? Knobhead? Posh fucker? Egotistical bastard?”
“Dad!” I laugh and he grins down at me before turning serious.
“I spoke to that man once a year at the end of a phone. You ask me, Roman was better off here.”
I want to believe he’s right, for my own sake if nothing else, but I’m not just worried about the blackmail. Richard took a match to all my insecurities and the flames are roaring.
I’d hate for my son to be dragged down with you.
Until a week ago even my own parents didn’t think I could make the coffee shop work. They may be on board now but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to crash and burn. I have a history after all.
“Hey Dad, you know that rule we had when I was a kid?”
My dad peers down at me. “That no matter how bad a situation you were in we’d always bail you out?”
Love for my parents aches inside of me. “Yeah. Does that still apply?”
His eyes crease with worry but he squeezes my hand. “That’s a lifetime rule, kiddo. I can’t make the consequences go away, but I can damn well make sure we’re here to help you through them.”
Outside, the headlights from Roman’s pickup flick on, the white light shining through the frosted glass of the front door. I go up on tiptoes and give my dad a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, Dad.”
The worry lines on his forehead, the ones that first appeared when I was thirteen, deepen but he doesn’t say anything as I extract myself from his arms and step out onto the porch.
Time to face the music.
Roman leans against the front of his truck, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows. His strong, muscular arms are crossed over his chest and one ankle rests nonchalantly over the other.
He looks like a billionaire in his black suit pants and shining dress shoes and he’s so beautiful it hurts. Or maybe the pain comes from the fact he couldn’t look more out of place right now.
Mud from the grill will no doubt be leaving marks on his white shirt and I can’t stop thinking about his father saying I’m dirtying his son.
Roman spent the last week convincing me I’m not a screw-up but he doesn’t know the whole story. I already have the reputation, all it would take is one word from his father and I’d have the charges to match.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it.” Roman pushes away from the truck, the headlights casting his features in a dark shadow.
“I was thinking how beautiful you looked tonight,” I say, because it’s not entirely a lie and I don’t want to tell him the ugly truth.
Roman closes the distance between us, his fingers tucking a stray purple strand of hair behind my ear. “Let me take you home, Lola.”
I’m so tempted to go with him. To disappear inside the stables with Roman and touch him until he’s all I can feel.
But I know if we go back to his place, I’ll never find the nerve to tell him what happened tonight.
What happened six years ago. And I need to do it now.
I don’t want Roman to find out from his father, or, hell, when the police turn up to arrest me. No, I have to be the one to tell him.
“I need to go back to my place,” I say. “I’ve got an early delivery.”
Roman’s tongue darts out, wetting his bottom lip before his teeth drag over it. “Alright. Let’s get you home, Firebird.”
The ride to the shop reminds me of the first time Roman drove me to my apartment. Except then, even as upset as I was, chemistry sparked between us. Now, the front of the truck is silent and stifling, only the engine humming.
That day, I dared to hope there could even be an ‘us’ and I’m trying to ignore how it feels like that hope is being run over with every turn of the tires.
I kick off my heels and draw my knees up to my chest, staring at the lonely stars through the window. It takes pretty much the whole drive for me to get the words to move from my mind to my mouth.
“I need to tell you something,” I whisper against the window before shifting to face Roman.
He glances my way, then flicks the blinker as we turn onto Main Street. “You need to tell me what my father said to you.”
I bite my lip. “I know. I will, I just… I did something and I—” Blue lights catch my eye, flashing across the street. My heart kicks up a sudden storm. “Oh my god.”
Roman looks at me, then straight ahead. “Oh fuck.” He yanks the car to the side of the road and I’m tugging at my seatbelt, my fingers pushing open the door before the truck’s even stopped.
“Lola, wait!” Roman calls but I’m already running towards my shop, or at least what’s left of it.
A sharp sting pierces the sole of my foot, but I keep going. Officer O’Connor steps away from the police car, ready to intercept me, but Roman gets there first. Strong arms loop around my waist, lifting me off the ground.
“Lola, stop. The glass.”
I grip Roman’s forearm, my mind scattered into broken shards as I try to make sense of what I’m seeing.
The shop windows are smashed, glass shattered across the sidewalk. The door’s been bashed in, its handle hanging off the wood. My stomach plunges to the bottom of the ocean.
Glass cracks under O’Connor’s boots as he approaches but I can’t take my eyes off the shop.
“What the fuck happened?” Roman asks.
O’Connor sighs and dips his head towards where his partner is talking to a man leaning against the bricks, his hoodie pulled up, his hands cuffed behind his back. “Rob Carson happened.”
The veins in my body ice over. Roman shifts in front of me, blocking Rob’s eyeline but not before I see the vicious gleam in his eyes.
“How does it feel?” Rob yells, pushing off the wall with his shoulders. “How does it feel to have your entire life destroyed?”
“Enough!” the uniformed officer barks, pressing Carson back up against the wall.
My head spins. Moonlight makes the glass on the sidewalk glimmer. I take my heels dangling from Roman’s fingers and slip them back on.
“The shop alarm went off and Beli called it in,” O’Connor tells us. “We were able to get down here before he did a runner. He’ll go back to prison for this, Lola. You don’t have to worry about him.”
I nod, my lips tingling. I can’t stop staring at the gaping hole where the front shop window used to be. “How much damage is there?” I ask.
Roman squeezes my hand. “We’ll figure it out.” He tries to draw me into his arms, but I pull away, moving towards the shop.
O’Connor steps aside but not before warning me. “Go slow. Watch your step.”
Glass crunches under the toes of my heels.