Chapter Thirty-Six
Lola
What would you do if I tried to climb that with no harness?
Throw you over my shoulder and take you back to my cave.
How very misogynistic of you.
Hey, if that’s what I’ve got to do to keep you safe then I’ll do it.
- Conversation between Lola, age 22 and Scott, age 24
My head hurts. It feels like I’m hungover, but I don’t remember drinking. Grogginess fogs my brain and I don’t want to open my eyes, but I have this nagging feeling that I really should.
Hair sticks in my mouth. I try to lift my hand, but my wrists are stuck and when I tug on my hands my feet move. Yeah, I should really open my eyes.
I squint, pain slicing through my head as even the dim light blinds me. I take in the burned wooden walls around me, and my chest rises faster. I know before my vision is fully cleared where I am.
Panic has me jerking back but it hurts when I try to move, and I look down to find my wrists tied to my ankles. I don’t want to be here, sitting in the corner of this old, burnt out barn, and the memories come flooding back before I can stop them.
“That’s it, just a little further and we can have some fun.”
My feet give out, stumbling on the rocky surface, but Carson hooks his arm under my shoulders and carries me towards the barn. “No,” I try to say, but all that comes out is a moan.
“Hey, you’re okay. I’ve got you. Come back to me, Lo.”
I blink at the soft hand on my face and then I lurch back, crushing myself against the barn wall to get away from Scott.
He frowns at me, his hands dangling between his crouched legs.
“What—” I try to speak but my voice cracks. I swallow. “What the fuck are you doing, Scott?”
His brows furrow, like I’m the crazy one here. Like he didn’t just kidnap me in broad daylight. “I’m doing what I always do, Lo. I’m keeping you safe.”
“By kidnapping me?” I shriek.
“Hey, shush, it’s okay.” He reaches out and runs his hand over my hair, cradling my head to his chest.
I seize up, holding myself still and trying not to hurl.
“I know this might be a little confusing for you right now, but I’m doing this for us, Lo.
“I kept you safe for years while we were traveling, made sure no one could ever hurt you, but I can’t keep you safe if you run from me.” He pulls back and I scramble into the corner, staring at this man like I’m seeing him for the first time.
“I don’t understand,” I murmur, my lips numb.
Scott stands up, an intensity to his gaze that scares me. “You were a mess when I found you, but I put you back together, Lo.” He starts pacing. “You weren’t ready for me straight away but that’s okay. I made sure no one else got close.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, even as I think of all the dates I went on when I was traveling. How none of them ever called me back. My stomach drops.
“Scott,” I say, my voice trembling. “You have to let me go.”
He shakes his head, manic. “I can’t do that, Lola. You’re not safe here. I tried to show you that. Carson was supposed to make you see that you’re better off with me.”
Nausea swims in my head. I’d thought Roman’s father had told Carson I’d framed him. I thought he was the only other person who knew. I’d forgotten that I told Scott everything.
“You sent the messages,” I mutter.
“You were supposed to come back to me!” Scott shouts and I jolt, scraping my head against the rough wood.
Tears push at my eyes, and I stare at the charred floorboards. “If you want to keep me safe, why did you bring me here? Here, of all places.”
Scott crouches down again, his hand coming to my cheek to brush away a tear. His face is soft and filled with pity. “I know, I know sweetheart, but you needed a reminder. I need you to remember what happens when I’m not here to protect you, okay?”
My chest starts rising too rapidly and I think I might faint. I tug on the ropes around my wrist and ankles, desperate to free myself but they’re too tight.
Scott strokes my hair. “I’m going to leave you here while I get ready for us to go and I want you to think about that night, okay? I want you to remember how helpless you were. And then you’ll know, you’ll know that you and I are meant to be, Lola.”
He curls his hand around the back of my neck and presses a kiss to my head. “I’ll be back soon, okay.”
The tears are blurring my eyes, distorting his figure as he walks out of the half collapsed front of the barn. As soon as he turns the corner, I shuffle away from the wall, pulling at the ropes that bind me.
I have to get out of here, but Scott’s words have opened a door to the past and suddenly I’m eighteen again, waking up on the charred floor of the barn.
I curl my fingers, my nails scraping against the burnt wood. I can hear Roman and Mase calling for me, but they sound so far away, like my ears are filled with cotton balls.
My head hurts and I’m scared. I don’t know why I’m scared but I’m so fucking scared.
“Lola? Lola!” The voices get louder and then Roman’s here, kneeling in front of me, his hand brushing the hair out of my face. “It’s okay, you’re okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
I pinch the back of my hand, forcing myself back to the present.
I told Roman I didn’t need him to save me, but I would give anything for him to storm into this barn right now.
Because Scott was right, the last time I was here, I was helpless.
I was drugged and drunk out of mind, and I couldn’t protect myself.
My head pounds from the memory and from whatever Scott used to knock me out. I can’t think properly because the man I thought was my friend is a monster, and I had no idea. Too much of this feels like it did that night, my bad judgements ending up with me in trouble.
Except it’s not the same, because I’m not eighteen anymore. Because I may be tied up but I’m conscious this time and I know this barn better than anyone.
I spent so many nights up here, hanging out with the biker kids and dancing in the dark. Even after I burned the barn half down with the fireworks we still came up here.
I stop breathing. My gaze goes to the far corner of the barn and the loose floorboard where we used to stash the fireworks. Please, please let this generation of kids be as stupid as we were.
I made a lot of mistakes back then but maybe, just maybe, my reckless past is going to be the thing that saves me.
I shuffle across the barn, the rough wood catching on my pants. It takes too long but I make it to the other side and press my heel on the floorboard till it comes loose.
A brightly colored box of fireworks sits in the hole and I almost cry when I see the matches on top, except I can’t move my hands low enough to reach them.
Cursing, I shuffle closer and use my feet, wedging the matchbox between my toes until I can grab it. My eyes dart to the front of the barn.
There’s still no sign of Scott but I don’t think he’ll leave me here for long so I work as fast as I can, taking out a match and striking it against the side.
Nothing happens. Fuck.
I strike it again. “Come on, come on.” Finally, the flame catches.
I drop it in the gap in the floorboard, on top of the fireworks.
Then I shuffle back to the other side of the room, getting as far away as I can because while this might be the smartest idea I’ve ever had, it might also be the stupidest.