Chapter 12
The moment he’d made it back to his room, had been left mercifully alone, he’d jumped into the shower, letting the water run ice cold while he scrubbed at his skin until it was red, until he’d scrubbed away that bastard’s touch and his body’s ridiculous reaction.
Stupid. It had been so stupid to ask him to spar. Leviathan was already so pushy, so oblivious to boundaries. He should have known how it would end. He didn’t stop blaming himself for the stupidity even as he laid down in that stupid comfy bed and fell into another bout of guilt and depression.
Walker would be so disappointed if he knew. Walker would hate him. They all would.
Not that Cullen had wanted any of what had happened but…well, he’d set himself up for it. Like an idiot. And his body, despite the icy shower, still felt itchy and tingly, as if he still wanted the touch of another person…
He shook that thought away and squeezed his eyes closed, forcing his brain to shut off.
The guilt seeped into his nightmares, of course; he dreamed of Leviathan on top of him, his mouth on his throat and his hand in his pants…
and he liked it. And then Walker walked in, over and over again and the look he gave Cullen broke his heart and had even his dream self shoving Leviathan away in disgust, his mouth opening to yell at him.
But each time the dream ended before he could get a word out.
Each time he met those shark-like eyes and saw the rejection there, a new sort of guilt began to tear at him–
A loud bang against his bedroom door startled him awake, his eyes popping wide as he looked around the room.
Red sunlight streamed in through his balcony doors, bathing the room in bloody colors, and the fire had dipped a little lower in the grate.
The knock came again and, after a moment, Cullen called for whoever it was to enter.
He was lucky it wasn’t Leviathan. Though he doubted the prick would have knocked anyway. But he said nothing, only sat up and stretched his now sore muscles as a short, pale man with blindingly white hair walked into the room, his eyes downcast.
One of the servants from the kitchen, he realized.
“Master requests your presence for dinner.” He said quietly, his hands trembling at his sides as he bowed his head.
“I know.” Cullen sighed, getting to his feet. His body throbbed and ached, but he found himself smiling. He had always liked the soreness after a good workout.
He stretched and yawned and then followed the servant from the room, following close behind him as they maneuvered through the hallways until they finally stopped at the dining room.
To his surprise, the servant turned and bowed again as he opened the door for him.
Cullen offered an awkward thank you and then hurried inside, tensing when he saw Leviathan sitting at the small table.
“Good evening.” His smile was natural. Calm.
Cullen thought of the last time he’d seen him and felt his face grow hot even as he dropped his gaze to the side with a scowl.
He said nothing as he sat in the chair opposite Leviathan, but blinked in surprise when he saw what exactly was overflowing the table.
Perfectly human dishes; strawberries in cream, a bowl of grapes, huge bowls of ramen, many different types of meat and cakes and two large goblets filled with a dark liquid, all of it spread out in front of Leviathan, who was still smiling, that stupid proud look on his face.
He was dressed…nicely. Cullen fought the urge to tug at the collar of his baggy sweatshirt self consciously, though he felt a slight flush come to his cheeks.
“How was the rest of your day?”
His blush deepened at the dreams that plunged to the forefront of his mind. “It…it was fine.” He said carefully. A tense, awkward pause before Cullen convinced himself to whisper, “How was yours?” Why did he keep playing nice with this fucker?
“Good.” Leviathan answered calmly, though excitement flickered in his eyes. “I would have preferred to spend it with you but…” He shrugged.
Such a natural, human movement.
He scowled. “Well, maybe if you didn't grope me every chance you get, I would be just slightly more inclined to talk to you for more than five minutes.” A lie. Even if Leviathan stopped pushing him, he wouldn't want anything to do with him. But it was probably better to play along.
Leviathan rolled his eyes. Most likely seeing right through him. “Grab some food.”
Cullen hesitated, examining it all, looking for any sign that it was more than what it seemed. It looked and smelled normal enough but…
“So…Is it all infused with blood or…”
“Nope.” Leviathan interrupted calmly, popping a grape into his mouth. “It's all completely ordinary human food. Now eat.”
He hesitated again, knowing it was a lie, but when his stomach let out a vicious snarl, he reached for a grape, giving it a small sniff before popping it into his mouth.
He had to bite back a moan at the taste of it, at the sweet, somewhat off flavor.
He swallowed it quickly and began to pile food onto his plate without giving himself anymore time to think on it.
Leviathan watched him with a small smile, drinking whatever was in his goblet without eating anything else.
Once Cullen had had his fill, he sat back with a groan and closed his eyes, his hands rubbing at his stomach.
“Feeling better?” Leviathan asked quietly.
Cullen nodded and then hesitantly murmured, “Thank you, Leviathan. For…figuring out a way for me to eat.” He figured a thank you wasn't completely horrible at the moment. Leviathan may have been a monster that he hated but…he had been kind to him. More so than he would have expected.
“My pleasure, pet.” He dropped his head onto his hand, looking pleased with himself again.
Cullen didn't comment on the pet name this time, leaning forward to grab his goblet instead. He examined the dark red liquid inside suspiciously.
"Perfectly ordinary wine." Leviathan murmured, taking another long drink from his own cup.
"Does it affect us like it does humans?"
Surprise flickered in his eyes."That's the first time you've referred to yourself as a demon."
Cullen shrugged, taking an experimental sip. He made a face. He'd always hated wine. "It's not as if I can pretend I'm not a demon." Not with that darkness hovering over him like a threat.
Leviathan was smiling softly. "The wine does affect us, but we would have to drink quite a bit more than the average human."
Cullen nodded, still considering his next question.
"What is it?"
He flushed. "I just…I was wondering if I could ask you some things.”
The smile on his lips grew a little more dangerous. “Of course.”
After a long moment of watching him hesitantly, Cullen blew out a slow breath and murmured, “I still feel like…me.”
A quiet moment passed.
"Did you think you would not?"
"I don't know.” He snapped, flustered. “It's not like I had the chance to ask questions about this stuff."
Leviathan sat back in his chair, watching him thoughtfully. "You were the one that told me to leave you alone. You could have had your answers a long time ago otherwise." His head tilted to the side. "What would you like to know?"
Cullen hesitated. "If I’m still…mostly myself…why did I want to attack Walker?" He remembered that night far too vividly, remembered Leviathan snapping his ankle, the blood burning his throat, remembered Leviathan petting his hair as he teased Dom about his new toy.
And he remembered the bloodlust that had filled him when he had laid eyes on his friends.
He'd tried to warn Walker as he moved toward him, had tried to tell him that he wanted to hurt him. Or rather the darkness that had seeped into his brain had wanted to hurt him. Cullen had forced his boyfriend’s name out of his raw throat…
and then sprang at him. He’d buried his teeth in him and moaned at the taste of the blood, the fear, and he’d been so angry that Leviathan had pulled him away…
He winced, remembering what Walker had said to him afterwards.
From that, and from being turned into a demon and spirited away to gods knew where, he assumed their relationship was over.
He had cried about that for a long, long time.
He hadn’t known a breakup could hurt so bad.
Could feel like somebody had carved out part of his chest and left him hollow and weak…
"It's just like that when you first turn.” Leviathan responded quietly, pulling him from his thoughts.
“Your body acknowledges that you need blood and flesh to survive, and it goes after the first thing you see.
Once you get the taste of blood, you calm somewhat.
But from now on, the taste or scent of blood will always send you into a frenzy.
" He paused then, clearly holding back some other piece of information.
"Well, it does get a bit easier to control with time. But..." He shrugged.
Cullen sighed. Then there was definitely no way he could go back to them. Being a Diviner often ended in bloodshed. He didn't want to fight with his friends only to end up gnawing on them because they'd gotten a little cut up.
"But…I am still me?" He asked quietly. "I feel like me but…"
Leviathan’s face softened slightly. "You're still Cullen. You're just a bit more blood thirsty now."
He nodded slowly. He wouldn't bother to ask if there was a way to change back. Even if there was, Leviathan would never tell him.
He forced his throat to move, to swallow. "When you grow bored of me, what will happen? Will you kill me?" He hoped it was as simple as that.
Leviathan shook his head. "I won’t grow tired of you.”
A small shiver ran through him at how sure he sounded. “But if you do–”
“I won’t.” He said flatly. “And if I did…" He frowned, his head tilting to the side as he looked at Cullen. "I imagine by that point I'll simply send you out into the world on your own. But don't count on it, pet. You're mine. You're not going anywhere."
Cullen’s lips trembled. He drew in a slow breath to calm himself. "I don't want to be here."
"I know." He seemed unbothered by this.
Cullen’s teeth snapped together. "Will you force me to hurt people?"
"Probably not." Leviathan said after a slight pause.
Cullen winced and then braced himself. "Will you force me to…do other things?" He'd touched him several times without his permission now, so he had already guessed the answer. But he wanted to try to be prepared for it.
"No."
Cullen tensed. "But you keep grabbing at me…"
"So? I've stopped when you said to."
"I tell you to stop before you ever lay your hands on me and you ignore me."
He smiled. It pulled up too far again. "Well. You are my new toy, and I very much want to play with you. I've got to convince you somehow. What better way than to give you a taste of what I can do for you?"
The words brought a harsh heat rushing to his face. "I don't want you to touch me."
Leviathan sat forward slowly, resting his elbow on the table, his chin on his hand.
"That is not something I care about, Cullen.
I won't force myself into you, but everything else is fair play.
I'm going to keep at it until you give in to me.
And then I'm going to fuck you senseless. And you're going to love every second."
Cullen felt a twitch in his gut that made his eyes go wide. He jumped to his feet, leaving the room without a word, not trusting his voice. He heard Leviathan’s low chuckle behind him.
"See you at breakfast, Cull."