Chapter 53
It took nearly everything he had to force himself to step forward, to meet Leviathan in the swath of shadows he had drawn up.
Anxiety was squeezing tight around his chest, making his breaths come too quick and shallow.
He still had no idea what to say to them, how he was meant to say goodbye.
How he was supposed to explain that he was choosing this dark life of blood and shadows…
Leviathan’s hand pressed gently to his back as the shadows swallowed them, comforting him as the darkness cut off his other senses.
When the world came back to them, they stood on top of the hill that overlooked the academy.
The same place Leviathan had snapped his ankle and forced him to drink his poison blood.
Cullen gave a hard swallow, taking in the dark sky, the nearly full moon that hung high, showing how late it was.
Clouds dotted the sky, dropping light flecks of snow onto the thin layer that already coated the ground, and the school was dark, nearly every light off, an eerie silence surrounding it, as if the snow was a bad omen…
“It’s your imagination.” Leviathan said softly, running a gentle hand down his back. “Nothing is out of the ordinary.”
He took a slow breath. Then another, closing his eyes for a few moments before opening them again and turning to face him.
“Will you stay here?”
Leviathan smiled, though there was the smallest amount of displeasure in his eyes. “Right here.”
Cullen nodded slowly and turned for the school. “Do you think they’ll attack me?” They had before after all. Maybe he wouldn’t even get a chance to say the things he wanted to before they tried to kill him…
“Your instincts will kick in if they do.” Leviathan responded quietly.
“So, I’ll try to kill them.” He whispered, almost to himself. Those memories came back as well. That terrible loss of control…that feeling of watching from inside his own head while he swiped and snapped at his friends with deadly claws and teeth…
Leviathan gave his wrist a gentle squeeze. “I will have you out of there before you can react that way. I promise.”
He swallowed hard, wondering if he’d underestimated Leviathan’s speed and power, and then nodded again and started forward. “I’ll be right back.”
“Good luck.” Leviathan whispered, his voice fading into the distance behind him.
It was all exactly as he remembered it. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected to change; the school had stood for hundreds of years and, aside from some necessary upgrades here and there–like when demon lords destroyed buildings–not a thing had changed.
The scattered buildings made up of dark wood–magically crafted so that they did not decay–sat where they had always been.
Their windows were mostly dark, but Cullen could have pinpointed which window belonged to which student.
Could have walked right up to the one that belonged to Dom and knocked…
But he found himself heading for Walker’s dorm instead.
His dorm. It was the closest building to him.
And the newest, since they’d had to rebuild it after Leviathan destroyed their old one.
It was identical to the original. To the point where he’d never even grown homesick.
He found he was grateful for the new planks as he pushed the door open to the entrance hall, his body tensing on instinct, waiting for the telltale creak of the hinges.
But the only sound that greeted him was a gentle whoosh as he opened and closed the door, his eyes falling to the familiar floor as he paused, listening closely.
Walker was asleep, his pulse calm and quiet, his soft snores audible to him through the door at the end of the hall.
And with him…another heartbeat. More soft breaths. Ryan, he was sure. Unless Walker had made it a point to see more than one person since he’d vanished…
A throb went through Cullen’s chest, making him press his hand to his heart with a grimace. It doesn’t matter. He told himself again. He may not have loved me, but we both need the closure.
Though the thought of him not only having moved on but having someone in the room that they had shared more nights than he could count…that was a little enraging.
He pushed aside the anger and the jealousy with a little shake of his head, moving forward carefully, avoiding the planks he knew would creak under his weight. If either of them woke before he could get a word out…if an alarm was sounded…well, it just wouldn’t be good for anyone.
He drew in a slow breath when he reached the door, bracing himself to be in the same proximity he’d been the night he’d nearly killed Walker.
Though that had mostly been due to the blood rage taking over…
something all new demons experienced, Leviathan had explained…
He couldn’t let it happen again. He’d done well enough surrounded by all those other humans all those times but…
well, he would be careful. Very careful.
He wouldn’t let his emotions take over. Wouldn’t let his mind wander and his rage blossom into something uncontrollable…
Slowly, he pushed open Walker’s bedroom door, his gaze remaining locked on the floor for far too long before he finally closed the door behind him and looked up.
There they were, tangled up in a bed he had slept in for years, Ryan’s head pillowed on Walker’s chest just as Cullen’s had often been. The blanket was tangled around their hips and their chests were bare. A condom wrapper had been left on the floor, lube on the bedside table mere inches away…
Cullen’s teeth snapped together, a little burst of rage pulsing off of him as he took it all in.
Ryan must have felt the death aura that had rolled off of him–because he blinked his eyes open and turned his head, his eyes popping wide when they fell on him.
He swore and jerked to a sitting position, his eyes flickering to one of the daggers that rested on the bedside table before they went back to Cullen.
“Keep your mouth shut.” Cullen breathed, giving a barely discernible shake of his head. “And wake him up.”
Ryan exhaled shakily, his eyes not leaving Cullen’s face as he turned and shook Walker’s shoulder with a muttered order to wake up.
Walker’s snores cut off, a soft grumbling leaving him as he blinked up at Ryan. He took in the panic on his new boyfriend’s–or whatever they were–face and spun around, his eyes meeting Cullen’s before they popped wide.
“Cull!” He shot up out of bed, throwing the cover to the side, the pulse in his veins rushing faster as he stepped forward, ignoring the hissed warning Ryan spat out.
He paused there, though, looking uncertain. Cullen inhaled slowly, relieved that he was dressed below the waist at least. Though the familiar sight of his baggy blue sweatpants had his heart giving a painful throb.
“H-hey.” Walker finally choked out, his hands curling and uncurling nervously at his sides. Cullen knew he was probably debating whether it would be necessary to reach for that sharp dagger that gleamed on the table.
“Hi.” He whispered, biting back the jealous, pointless rage so that he could do this goodbye properly.
After all, whatever lingering feelings there may have been…well, they didn’t matter. Not when he had
Leviathan waiting for him at the top of the hill outside. Shit choices be damned. They needed this moment.
“You’re really here?” Walker whispered, shifting on his feet. “This isn’t…a dream?”
Somehow, Cullen doubted he had actually dreamed of reuniting with him this way. Though Cullen couldn’t count how many times he’d imagined it.
“I’m here.” He murmured, keeping his eyes very carefully away from the boy that remained hunched in on himself on the bed. “I came to see you.” He paused. “To say goodbye.”
“Goodbye?” Walker echoed, stepping a little closer. Cullen tensed but did not move away. “Why goodbye? You escaped him, didn’t you?” Excitement flickered in his eyes. “You killed him, right? So now you can come home and we can–”
“I didn’t kill him.” He interrupted quietly. “I wouldn’t do that.”
Walker flinched as if he’d been smacked. “I…I don’t understand…”
He hesitated, his eyes flicking to Ryan’s face. “Can I talk to you alone?”
A dull realization grew on his face as he spun to look at Ryan. Cullen saw the flush come to his face, saw the look the two boys exchanged, and somehow realized this had been going on for quite some time. Maybe just after he’d been taken. Maybe before that.
Pain and rage tore through him, bringing the edges of that darkness with it, but he pushed it away, just as he had last night when he’d bit his own heart. The pendant pulsed in his chest, as if it was reminding him who waited outside, and then fell silent again.
“Go stand in the hall.” He told Ryan, his hands curling into tight fists. “And don’t even think about calling for Dom or any of the others.” He let a dark smile fall across his face. “Leviathan is here. And he and I will kill you before you get the chance.”
The tang of fear filled the room, pulsing off of both the other men, but Ryan moved, scurrying off the bed in nothing more than his boxers.
Cullen saw him reach for a pair of pants–and his shadows reacted on their own, slicing at his arm.
Ryan fell back with a cry of shock, cradling his now bleeding arm to his chest. Cullen smiled again, though the tinge of blood brought that darkness creeping even closer.
“You don’t need clothes to stay in the hall.” He said quietly.
Ryan bared his teeth at him. “You always were a bastard, Cullen.” But he made no objections as he scurried across the room, keeping close to the wall to stay as far away from him as he could.
The moment the door closed again, Cullen’s eyes flickered back to Walker’s.
He was looking a bit pale, a bit guilty, but a hesitant smile grew on his lips. “I missed you.”
“Did you?”
He flinched. “It…it’s not what it looks like…”
“It doesn’t matter.” He raised his chin, fighting back the tears that burned in his throat. “I only came to–say goodbye. I thought…you would want that.” He grimaced. “Or maybe I was wrong.”
“No!” Walker jerked towards him, but stopped several feet away. “No, I wanted to see you. To talk to you. When I saw you at the parade I…” He hesitated. “I was really happy to see you’re okay, Cullen.”
“How could you tell I was okay?” He asked quietly. “Did you think there would be visible signs if I’d been harmed?” His shadows flickered at his sides, giving away his inner turmoil. This wasn’t going how he’d thought it would.
“Well…I…” He shifted uneasily. “You were smiling. And…you seemed okay…”
“I am.” He said quietly. “But that doesn’t change…
what could have happened.” He’d meant to come here, to tell him he had chosen that life and maybe even explain how his body had betrayed him long before his heart had given in but…
it didn’t seem like Walker deserved any of it.
Cullen wondered how he could have ever thought he did.
“I’m happy with him.” He said quietly, forcing his gaze to Walker’s face. “I’m choosing him.” He saw the shock grow, saw the horror and the disgust before it was all carefully hidden away. He wondered if Walker had always been so good at hiding his emotions.
“You…you can’t mean that…” Walker said quietly, shaking his head. “You’re confused…”
“Confused?” He asked softly, his shadows pooling around his feet as anger began to seep into his voice. “I’ve never been more clear headed in my life.”
“Cullen–”
“How long did you wait?”
He flinched. “What?”
A muscle twinged in Cullen’s jaw. “Before you started fucking him. How long did you wait?”
Walker hesitated, his face flushing. “I…it doesn’t matter, Cull. It was always you–”
“Was it before?”
He flinched. “No. No, I wouldn’t–”
“Did you ever love me?”
Horror flickered on his face. “What? Of course I did! I do! Cullen–”
“Leviathan said you didn’t.” He breathed, curling his hands so tightly he felt his now sharp nails digging into his palms. He was losing it. He should go before something happened. But…
“You can’t possibly believe him!” Walker cried, stepping forward. “Cullen, you were the love of my life–”
“Yeah, well, he’s the love of mine.” He snapped back, more shadows pooling around his feet.
He stumbled back a step, shaking his head.
“This was a mistake. I only wanted to tell you that I was okay, but I realize now you don’t really care.
I was never anything but a convenience for you.
” He started to turn for the door. “I’m going to visit Dom–”
“Cullen!” His hand shot out, wrapping around his wrist. Cullen spun back in surprise and less than a heartbeat later Walker was kissing him, his hands tight on his face and his mouth hard and clumsy against his.
Cullen gasped in surprise–and shivered as the darkness began to descend.
He pushed against Walker’s chest, shoving him away, but the other man sprang forward again, kissing him hard.
The darkness cloaked him, seemed to whisper to him that this was what he wanted, what he was used to. He knew how it would feel–
“Stop!” He gasped, curling his hands into tight fists to keep his body from responding the way the darkness wanted it too. “Stop!” He twisted his head to the side, and Walker’s lips moved to his ear, his arms wrapping tightly around him.
“Cullen,” he breathed, kissing his throat.
“Stay with me. Stay with…I’ll break up with Ryan.
He never meant anything to me anyway. It was always you–” His hand dipped down, moving to brush his erection.
Cullen flinched, shaking his head in terror as the darkness wrapped him, starting to take control of his mind and his body just as it had always done with Leviathan in the beginning.
“No!” He cried, shoving him again. Walker stumbled back this time, shock spreading across his face–and the building burst apart, sending them flying away from each other.