Chapter 28 Mace
Mace
Isit on the floor of Lily’s bathroom and wait for the shower stall to fog up and end my torture. Unfortunately, a misted version of Lily’s body is almost as erotic as seeing her striptease in front of me, and Slayer knew she was teasing me.
She wants me in there. I want to be in there.
But it’s only nine thirty, and she may not have flushed all of the Rohypnol out of her system yet.
However willing Lily might seem, her inhibitions could be deceptively low.
I can’t rely on her making any decisions today, so everything I plan to discuss with her will have to wait too.
Lily hums a song as she washes her hair, making it impossible to ignore her, but I try.
Picking up my cell phone, I send a text message to Kaitlyn to let her know Lily’s awake, and to ask her to confirm when she’s coming over.
I’ll stay as long as Lily needs me, but the longer I hang around, the more likely it is that I’ll do or say something she’s not ready for.
I send a message to Connie too. The doctor advised that Lily should eat simple food when she’s hungry, and if anyone knows what that involves, it’s our housekeeper. I can always ask Kaitlyn to pick up the food Connie suggests on her way over.
I’m not expecting a reply from Kaitlyn this early, but Connie’s response comes back within minutes.
Scratch the shopping list. She’s going to send over some food with Jake.
I don’t necessarily want members of our family’s inner circle coming over, but arguing with Connie is futile.
She does love to mother and I’ve given her the perfect opportunity.
When the shower cuts off, I jump to my feet. I have a towel ready as Lily steps out of the stall. She leans into my chest. “It looks like you do have self-control when you want,” she says, her hands reaching for my hips to pull me closer.
My already thickened cock twitches, but I peel her hands away and grab a second towel. I pat dry her face, soaking up the wanton look she gives me. “More than you do right now. Do you need me to fetch you some clothes from your bedroom?”
“That will do,” she says, pointing to the garment hanging on the back of her bathroom door. It’s my t-shirt. Damn, she’s not making this easy.
Once she’s indecently dressed and has towel-dried her hair, I pull her back into the bedroom. Despite her mischievousness, she yawns and it doesn’t take much to persuade her to get back into bed. I make her drink more water before she sinks beneath the covers.
“Did you sleep much last night?” she asks. The question feels loaded.
“I stayed up to watch you. And you know how much I like watching you.”
She scoffs at that, but there’s a purr in her voice when she says, “You should get into bed as well. Even if it’s just for an hour.”
“I’ll stick with the armchair. Now go to sleep.”
When Lily closes her eyes and keeps them closed, I sink into my chair. I only intend to rest my eyes, but it isn’t long before I drop off. And that’s when Lily makes her next move. A shadow falls over me, and as I rouse myself from sleep, she’s climbing onto my lap.
“Lily, you can’t do this,” I scold, but my arms are already wrapping around her. I like how her body feels against me. Every single one of her curves fits with mine, and I don’t know if she was made for me, or I was made for her.
“I needed you,” she says. “And I will go to sleep. I promise.”
Resting my chin on the top of her head, I breathe in the citrus scent of her shampoo and her minty toothpaste. There’s a muskier scent too, and it’s coming from my t-shirt. I pluck at the sleeve. “Have you washed this at all?”
She tips back her head to look at me. “And wash away your smell? Absolutely not. I might have been mad at you, but I’ve been wearing it all week.”
“I can tell,” I say with a smirk. “And I say this with love, Lily. It needs a good wash.”
I’m expecting a sharp retort, but her eyes glisten. “With love?”
Ah. Shit. “It’s just an expression.”
“If you say so.” She settles back against my chest. “Why did you invite me to the VIP area last night? Wouldn’t there be chance I’d find out your name?”
I trail my fingers along her arm. “We’ll talk about it another time.”
“Talk to me, Shade,” she insists. “What if things had gone badly last night? What if you’d never seen me again? You can’t guarantee there’ll be another time, not ever. What if we only have this moment?”
The arm I have around Lily’s waist ropes tighter. I know she’s feeling vulnerable and it’s natural for her to be plagued with the what-ifs. I’m haunted by them too, but I can’t give in to those thoughts. “Firstly, what happened last night is never going to happen again because I won’t let it.”
“But you can’t–”
“Just watch me,” I say, more harshly than I intend.
“Right now, I don’t overly care about respecting your boundaries.
This is who I am. This is what you’d be signing up for.
If I want to follow you, I will. If I think it’s necessary to put another tracker on your car, or your phone, I will.
I can’t go through what happened last night again. Please don’t ask me to.”
She presses her hand to my chest. She must be able to feel my heart hammering in my chest. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”
I inhale deeply and try to expel the anxiety. “I’m done with our game. I didn’t invite you to the VIP area so you could try to find out my name, I was going to tell you myself,” I say. “If you still wanted to know.”
“I do. So, tell me.”
I shake my head. “When you’re feeling more clear-headed and you’ve had time to think about everything. All you have to do is ask me, Lily. You have my number. You can call me any time.”
“I have your number?” The way her brows knit together tells me I’m right not to let her make that decision yet.
“I added it while we were at the lodge. When you made me remove your tracker.”
“OK.” She’s quiet for a moment as she traces the contours of my chest and shoulder.
“And once you know who I am, you don’t just get my name. You get all of me,” I warn. “We’re not talking text messages and second dates. You get me and all my fucked-up ways. You get the life I lead, and you get my slightly unhinged family. Do you understand?”
“There’s a line I’d have to cross,” she whispers. “And if I’m willing to step over it, I have to be all in.”
She’s not as confused as I thought. “Yes, because I’m already all in.”
I let that statement settle, but there’s so much else I need to say. I’ve been practicing this speech all night. But if we are having this conversation, I’m still not pushing her for a decision on our future. Not today.
“I’m your shadow, Lily. I might be in front of you, behind you, or at your side, but we’re always going to be connected.
And while you can choose not to be a part of my life, I’ll still watch over you, even if it has to be from a distance.
Don’t ask me not to protect you because that’s not going to happen.
I can step back if I have to, but I can’t step away.
I’ll respect your decision if you can’t take me as I am, but don’t be surprised if I hack into your online dating apps again and vet the bastard who gets to win your heart. ”
Lily lifts off my chest with a gasp. “Oh, my god. Was that you? Did you disable all of my accounts?”
My hand strokes her throat as my fingers reach through her damp hair to the nape of her neck. “I’ve done worse things in your name. Much worse.”
She scrutinizes my features. “Even worse than breaking arms?”
“Yes.”
Lily knows the question to ask, but it takes a moment for her to prepare for the answer. “Is this about the guy who drugged me? Did you find him?”
“You weren’t his first victim, but you are his last,” I say. It’s possible her reactions are just slow, but she doesn’t recoil in shock. I can’t leave it this vague. “I killed him, Lily.”
Her reaction isn’t what I expect. It’s worry that etches her face. “What if you get caught?”
“I won’t. His body will never be found and all physical traces of what happened at the club have been removed. I can do that. All it took was one phone call.”
“Have you killed before?”
“When I’ve had to, yes. To protect myself and those I love, or those who can’t protect themselves,” I say, leaving her to decide where she fits on that list. “I try to stay on the right side, but sometimes it’s a very fine line to tread.”
“Are you trying to scare me off, Shade?”
I swallow hard against whatever the fuck emotion has me in a chokehold. “I just need to be very clear so you know what kind of man I am, Lily. When I killed the man who drugged you, if I hadn’t been in such a rush to get back to you, I would have made him suffer. And I would have enjoyed it.”
Her eyes have grown heavy, as if the effort of trying to process what I’m saying has exhausted her. “When you left the lodge last week, was that to go and kill someone?”
“No. But it was to watch someone die,” I say. “It was my mother.”
Her expression falls. “Your mom died? Shade, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you just say what was happening?”
“Lily–”
“I shouldn’t have been such a bitch.”
“Lily,” I say more forcibly. “Not my mom. I’m talking about the woman who walked out on me before I was old enough to form that word. I don’t grieve her. If anything, I’m more grateful of the time I had with the only mother I knew. I don’t need sympathy.”
Her voice is a hoarse whisper when she asks, “Then what do you need from me?”
“For you to be happy.”
“Do you seriously want me to find someone else, Shade?”
If Lily had asked me yesterday, I would have answered immediately.
I would have told her she was mine, and no one else’s.
I would have promised not to be so obsessive, or possessive, or overprotective.
But last night reinforced every one of my fears.
“I don’t think I can be the person you need me to be, the kind of man you deserve. ”
Lily’s hand travels up from my chest to my jaw. Her thumb brushes my lips. “You’d step back and let me be with someone else? Without breaking their arms?”
I close my eyes. “I’d have to.”
“But could you let me go?” she asks, then waits for me to look at her again. A tear trickles down her cheek and her breath quickens, matching mine.
“Lily…”
“You don’t scare me, Shade. I’m here, safe in your arms. How can I fear anything? You’re more than I deserve.”
I fist her hair and bring her mouth closer. “Promise me you’ll think carefully before you ask me my name. Because once you have it, I’m the only man you’ll ever know. I won’t let you go, Slayer.” Her trembling lips brush mine, but she doesn’t answer. I grip her hair tighter. “Promise me.”
“I promise.”
My mouth presses against hers and when her lips part, her tongue swipes over mine. She isn’t going to stop, so I have to, and we release twin groans of frustration as I pull her off me.
“Now go to fucking sleep.”
She’s not the only one who’s exhausted, and when Lily curls into my chest and her breathing evens out, I fall asleep too.
The rising sun plays across my lids, but that isn’t what wakes me.
Nor is it the damp patch on my chest where Lily’s drooling onto my shirt.
One of my arms is numb from holding her, but I don’t move.
And I don’t open my eyes. I listen, and the noise that woke me repeats again. It’s a man clearing his throat.
I take a slow, steadying breath. If I didn’t know that sound too damn well, I’d be on my feet by now, turning Lily away from whatever threat was coming. But my anger is familial, not lethal when I snap open my eyes and glare at Ash.
He’s fucking smiling. Ash does not smile.
I automatically pull the hem of Lily’s t-shirt down her thighs. “What are you doing here?” I whisper.
He glances at Lily. She’s still sleeping thankfully, and he keeps his voice low.
“Dropping off Connie’s food. There’s enough to feed a family of four for a week.
Chicken broth, plain omelets, a rice thing, and a breakfast burrito for you.
” His grin widens. “I’m under instruction to make sure you eat it. ”
“I’ll manage,” I say curtly. “For fuck’s sake, Ash. You could have buzzed up, or left the food outside the door.”
Ash shoves his hands in his pockets, unabashed. “I just wanted to make sure you’re both OK.”
It’s hard to keep hold of my annoyance, but I give it a good try. I’m in the midst of a battle, trying to do the right thing when I don’t know what the right thing is for me and Lily. I don’t want her meeting one of my brothers until her place in my life is guaranteed. “We’re good.”
He rolls back on his heels. “Then I’ll leave you in peace.”
“That would be a good idea.”
Ash turns slowly, hands still in his pockets, a smug look on his face when he glances back. “Nice to meet you, Lily.”
“You too, Ash,” she says, turning her head to the door while remaining pressed to my chest.
The fucker is chuckling as he leaves.
“You heard all of that?” I ask as Lily unfolds herself from my lap.
She rubs her eyes. “Is he one of your brothers?”
I pull the strand of hair stuck to her creased cheek and tuck it behind her ear. “Yeah. I’m sorry about that.”
“You mean about him strolling into my supposedly secure apartment?”
“He was the one who taught me how to pick my first lock,” I say. “I warned you my family is unhinged.”
Lily twists on my lap so she can straddle me. “You warned me about a lot of things,” she says, resting her hands on my chest.
I try to ignore where our bodies connect, but my cock doesn’t follow orders and strains against my zipper. I put my hands on her hips, preparing to lift her off me if I need to. “Can you remember what we talked about before?” I ask, testing her recovery.
“I have your number, and if your scare tactics fail, I can call you and ask you your name.”
“Good girl,” I tell her because it might be the last chance I get to say it. I won’t chase her again, for her sake, and it’s the hardest decision I’ll ever make. Life-changing. If I don’t get that call, I’ll be sentenced to a life on my own. If Lily isn’t the one, no one is.
She leans closer. “Either way, I won’t simply ghost you,” she promises.
My fingers dig into her soft flesh as she moves against me. “You have to, Lily. Show me no mercy. If you’re only calling to say no, I’d rather not hear it.”
“Shade–”
A notification on my phone breaks the spell, and I stand up, taking Lily with me. “Behave,” I say, setting her down on her bed as I check my messages. “Kaitlyn’s on her way over.”