Chapter 3
Ash
I’ve been roaming the woods that encircle the house for hours, only vaguely aware of the lengthening shadows.
If I was hoping to eventually collapse with exhaustion, it doesn’t happen.
I’m still relatively young at thirty-three, and despite my penchant for whiskey, I work out and I do yoga for fuck’s sake.
I have stamina and I have strength. I thought I had the intellect to match.
I’m an innovative thinker. A problem-solver. And yet… on an emotional level, I suck.
I’d locked away my feelings for Belle with ruthless efficiency. I’d loved her. She’d rejected me. These were simple facts I’d occasionally acknowledge, but never dwell upon. Until today.
Climbing to the highest point of our well-guarded home, I sit on the grass and look out over Lake Michigan.
A thousand reflections of the sinking sun transform the water into molten gold as night approaches too fast. Because as awful as this day has been, I’m not ready for it to end.
I’d much rather rewind the last six years than face tomorrow.
I’m not prepared for whatever’s coming next.
When I hear a twig snap, the steps are too delicate to be one of my brothers. I know the three of them are out here. I’ve spotted them trailing me, but they’ve honored my request for space. The women in our household, however, were not party to that promise.
My money’s on Maddie. She’s been testing my boundaries, and my sanity, from the day Hunter introduced her as his new wife.
She’s certainly his match, and she might be mine too.
Lily’s less forthright, but if being married to Mace proves anything, it’s that she can be reckless, and approaching me is nothing short of reckless.
I’m not ready to talk. I’m not sure I ever will be.
“Mind if I join you?” asks Quinn.
Of all my brothers’ partners, I know Quinn the least, and yet I relate to her the most. She’s stubbornly independent and headstrong. She guards her emotions, but she feels them deeply. And she’d sacrifice everything for those she loves.
I hold out my hand to steady her as she settles onto the ground next to me. She stretches her legs out in front of her as she stares out across the lake.
“I’m sorry about what happened in the study,” I say, embarrassment heating my cheeks.
When I’d dragged myself up off the floor, I’d been horrified to see the damage I’d wrought. My desk had been overturned, broken chairs lay scattered across the room and my brothers were all nursing some injury or other. We’ve had plenty of brawls in our time, but this was different.
“I might lose my temper with my brothers on occasion,” I admit, “but I’ve never lost control like that before.” I shake my head in disgust. “Back there, I wasn’t aware of what I was doing. It’s not good enough.”
I’m not good enough.
“Ash, you were dealt a shock that would send anyone into freefall,” she says.
“Yes, you lost it, there’s no point denying that, but from what Reid said, you were only fighting against their restraint, not attacking them.
And let’s face it, your brothers have faces that we’d all like to punch from time to time. ”
“How’s Reid’s nose?”
“Probably broken, but he was way too good looking for his own good.”
I glance over my shoulder and spot Reid leaning against a tree. “Does he think you need guarding against me?”
Quinn turns to me. “Seriously, Ash? Get over yourself. No one thinks you’ve turned into some kind of bloodthirsty ogre. We’re worried about you, that’s all.”
“How come you got the short straw?”
She faces front again. “Excuse me, this was a hard-fought-for privilege. From what I gather, it’s almost unheard of for you to need help from anyone.”
My chest rises steeply, then deflates. “I don’t know how you can help me, Quinn.”
“I’m here because I’m the only other person who knows Belle. So, tell me what you’re thinking.”
“That this isn’t fixable,” I admit. “I’ve spent however long I’ve been out here trying to figure out what to do for the best, and I come up with a different answer every time.”
“Such as?”
I shrug. The first option sticks in my craw. “I could leave them to it. Rightly or wrongly, Belle’s chosen to marry Barrett. There’s no immediate threat, and if this is some sick game where Barrett’s using Belle to provoke me, my best option is not to react.”
“Bit late for that,” Quinn mutters under her breath, but she’s smiling. After a moment’s consideration, she says, “No. Don’t like that one. Give me another option.”
“We could offer Belle an escape route. Mace could provide her with a new identity and enough money to start fresh somewhere far away from all of us. Or we could ask your friend, Strider to set it up so even we couldn’t find her.”
Quinn taps her sandaled feet together a few times. She knows better than most what it’s like to take up a new identity. “It’s a possibility, I suppose. Anything else?”
My gaze fixes on the sun as it touches the lake. “We could go with my first instinct,” I reply. “I could kill Barrett and kidnap Belle.” When Quinn doesn’t immediately answer, I push for a response. “Does that get your vote?”
Quinn rests back on her elbows, then thinks better of it and falls back so she’s lying flat on the grass. She puts a hand protectively over her abdomen.
“You’ve grown a proper bump since I saw you last,” I say, immediately thinking how Belle’s body would have changed too as our daughter grew inside her. “She’s getting bigger.”
Quinn bites her lip. “He has started kicking,” she says. “And if Reid asks, I didn’t tell you we’re having a boy.”
It’s a small offering, but the prospect of having a nephew in five months adds some much needed balm to my troubled soul.
“Your secret’s safe with me,” I say as I lie back and stare up at the sky. Light bleeds from the day, leaving blood-red streaks that match my mood.
“There is another option,” Quinn says after a minute or two. “You could leave it for Clara… I mean, Belle, to make a fully informed decision.”
Of all the possibilities, that’s the one I don’t want to face. “Last time I left her to decide, it didn’t turn out so well for me. She found another man to raise my child as his own.”
“Ask me,” Quinn says after a long pause. “You’ve done your best not to mention Piper so far, but I know you want to know about her. I worked with Belle for almost two months and I saw quite a bit of them both. So, ask me.”
I open my mouth to speak, but the words clog in my too-tight throat. Quinn waits patiently, looking up to the stars that are beginning to reveal themselves, one by one. I try again. “Tell me about my daughter.”
“She cheats at cards.”
The laugh rumbling in my chest eases the tension around my ribcage. “I couldn’t be more proud,” I admit, tears making the darkening sky shimmer. Since when did I cry?
“Looking back, and knowing what I know now, there are other hints that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree,” Quinn continues.
“One minute, Piper’s reading a book or drawing horses with her crayons, then you glance over, and she’s busy absorbing everything that’s going on around her. Her favorite word is ‘why.’”
“Right now, it’s mine too,” I whisper as I pick out the constellations above our heads.
They’re the same ones explorers use to navigate the globe, but they can’t help me.
I’m well and truly lost. “I loved her, Quinn. I loved her so damn much that I accepted the pain of losing her. I thought she deserved a better life than I could offer. And I never let another woman into my heart because I told myself my sacrifice was a testament to our love. I didn’t appreciate how big a sacrifice that was until today.
She kept our daughter a secret from me. Why the hell did she do that?
Even if she didn’t want a relationship, why leave without saying a word? ”
“That, I can’t answer. All I know is that Belle was genuinely terrified whenever the Griffin name was mentioned. I’d presumed it was because she blamed you all for Ethan’s death, but clearly it’s more than that.”
“She fears me.”
“She fears the monster Barrett created in her mind,” Quinn corrects.
“No,” I reply quickly. “Belle hid Piper from me long before Barrett came on the scene.”
With a groan, Quinn lifts up onto her elbow. “That’s where you’re wrong, Ash,” she says. “Mace has been doing a deep dive into Belle’s background. She went to the same college as Barrett. They even shared a few classes. She knew your evil half-brother long before she’d ever met you.”