Chapter Nine #2
I followed her into the kitchen, with its white fridge, white table, and two white chairs.
I had to admit all that white gave off a Zen vibe.
But I couldn’t have lived in that space.
I needed color, knickknacks, stuff that reflected my personality.
Unlike Lily, clutter gave me energy and a feeling of accomplishment.
Lily opened a beer and handed it to me. “I’m starving too. I was getting ready to order a pizza.”
“Make it two, please. I want mine with salami, pepperoni and—”
“Extra mozzarella and extra ketchup packets. I know.” She had her phone in hand and tapped the screen. “Go and wash your hands, and we’ll wait for the food.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I set my bag down next to the sofa and went into the bathroom.
As I washed my hands with the jasmine-scented soap, I glanced at my face in the mirror.
There were dark circles under my eyes, and my hair had lost its volume, flat after the long, hot hours of the day.
I couldn’t compete with Sebastian’s companion, even though she had more than a decade on me.
I shook my head, annoyed with myself. Why the hell did I care?
Why was I considering myself attracted to Sebastian?
I wished he’d left things alone and had never brought me those stupid waffles.
I’d enjoyed our old relationship—saying hi when we’d met in the hallway and nothing more.
I wished Sue hadn’t invited him to her wedding.
I wished I’d never fixed his stupid door.
Those things had ruined my emotional balance.
Now I had to admit that I’d felt something suspiciously close to jealousy when I’d seen that woman leaving his apartment.
I shook my head. I’d thought myself a smart woman; obviously, I was wrong. How could I be attracted to a man with a personality I despised? Stupid hormones!
I needed to get a date and get laid—not by Sebastian.
I joined Lily on the sofa to wait for the pizza in a room without a TV.
“Something wrong?” Lily asked.
She stared at me as I was punching one of the white furry cushions to make myself comfortable.
“Nope.” I lay the cushion down and forced myself to relax. “Actually, I had a great day.”
“Oh? Do tell.”
She sat cross-legged on the sofa, curling one of her bare feet under her.
I told her about Malcom, Ben, and the projects they had in mind for me.
Her smile was radiant. “This is fantastic news, Jess. It sounds like a lot of work, but I know you’ll love it.”
“I think so too.” My mood had lifted again.
“I’m a little nervous about what Ben wants, but also excited.
I’ve never had a project requiring such diverse artwork.
Still, I don’t want to get carried away.
Let’s see what he has to say, what the house is like, and the money he’s offering.
It has to be an exceptional deal for me to take on such a monumental project.
It’s going to take me weeks, and I have no idea what I’ll do about the hardware store during that time. ”
Lily cocked her head. “Isn’t it time to hire some help? You could try a part-timer at first.”
“Maybe. But I don’t want to think about it until I sign the deal with Ben.”
“Fair enough.” Lily sipped her water. “I met Sebastian earlier. He carried some of my suitcases upstairs.”
My expression soured. “I’m surprised he had the time to carry your stuff while preparing for his date. How old do you have to be to be considered a cougar?”
Lily arched her eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”
“I saw a woman going into his apartment a few minutes ago. She looked considerably older than he is.”
“Oh, that’s his sister, Janine. He said he was expecting her for dinner. I think that’s so sweet.”
There was a long beat of silence.
“His sister, huh?” It was hard to talk with my foot in my mouth.
Lily didn’t miss a thing. “You thought she was a lover, didn’t you? Do I sense jealousy?”
“Ha!” My voice was falser than a broken trombone. “Me? Jealous of Sebastian? That’s absurd.”
Lily gave me her shrink face.
“If you played poker, you’d clean out everyone,” I mumbled.
“I do like a game now and again.”
“You play poker? You never told me that.”
She tugged her hair out of an elastic and wrapped it into a messy bun. “You never asked.”
“I didn’t know I had to. Do you play often? When did you start playing?” I lowered my voice. “Are you a gambling addict?”
She laughed. “No, Mother. I learned to play a long time ago. From my ex-husband.”
Wow. That was an unforeseen bomb. I had no idea Lily had been married.
“You have an ex-husband? You never mentioned that—not to me.”
She sighed, her gaze turning introspective. “It was a very long time ago.”
I let a minute pass. “Do you want to talk about it, or is it too dark a secret?”
She smiled faintly. “It’s no dark secret.
It’s been so long now that it feels like another lifetime.
It was very brief, hardly what you could call a marriage.
His name was Joe. My high school boyfriend, my first love, my first lover.
He rode a motorcycle, smoked weed, was all wild edges and danger.
Textbook ‘good-girl-meets-bad-boy’ romance.
My parents hated him, but I was blinded.
And when I got pregnant he asked me to marry him.
We ran away and got married the day I turned eighteen. ”
My jaw dropped. “You had a baby?”
She shook her head with a small, sorrowful smile.
“I lost it a few days later. It saved me from more heartbreak, I suppose. We didn’t have anything figured out.
We were both about to finish high school, I didn’t have a job, and he worked part-time as a mechanic.
We didn’t even have a place to live. After we got married, we crashed at a friend’s house for a few days, and then reality started to sink in. Three days later, I miscarried.”
Her soft words echoed in the silent room. My skin was covered in goosebumps. I’d never known these things about my friend. No wonder she was so strong and so grounded. She’d been through a lot at a young age.
It had grown dark outside. The doorbell broke the silence.
Lily got to her feet. “Pizza’s here.”
I dug into my bag for my wallet and handed her some cash.
“It’s on me; you can get it next time.”
She thanked me, opened the door, and paid the delivery boy. She carried the two pies over to the kitchen table. I followed her, grabbing the roll of paper towels from the counter.
We sat and opened the boxes of food. The smell hit me and saliva pooled inside my mouth.
I bit into a slice, not caring that the hot cheese and sauce burned my tongue. “A-ma-zing,” I said through a mouthful. “So, what happened between you and Joe?”
Lily used a paper towel to hold her pizza slice. “He realized I would need more than he could ever give. I realized I didn’t want to be a burden. My parents arranged an annulment and I never disobeyed them again.”
Her eyes flicked to mine. I nodded, feeling both honored and raw.
I couldn’t imagine Lily rebelling against her parents.
I couldn’t put myself in her shoes because I’d never wanted marriage.
I’d watched what marriage had done to my mom and dad.
No, thank you. That wasn’t something I ever planned to do.
“I’m sorry you went through that, Lily.”
“Trauma shapes you,” she said, biting into her slice. “But it doesn’t have to define you.”
I exhaled. “You’re really strong. Stronger than most people would ever have to be.”
She smiled, but her eyes didn’t lighten all the way. “I wasn’t all that scarred.”
“Right. You haven’t had a serious relationship since I’ve known you. Have you sworn off men forever? And there you are, preaching to me about the same thi— Shit!”
I stared at the red pizza sauce sliding down my T-shirt. “Oh, this is going to stain.”
Lily handed me a paper towel, which only helped spread the sauce.
“I need to wash this,” I muttered. “I’ll head down to the laundry room.”
“Want me to go with?”
I got to my feet. “Don’t worry. You’ve had a busy day. Get some rest.” I closed the lid on the pizza box and picked it up. “I’ll finish this later.”
“Okay.” She walked me to the door and handed me my purse. “Good luck tomorrow with the new client. Text me.”
“I will. Nighty-night.”