Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jesse
I don’t remember driving to the hospital, walking through the doors, or asking around until I found the right floor.
Between Janine’s call and reaching the hospital waiting room, everything was a blur.
I didn’t allow myself to think. My mind was stuck on a single prayer: Please, let him be okay.
I didn’t even know to whom I was praying.
Probably to whatever supreme entity was listening.
Janine hadn’t told me any details about Sebastian’s accident or his condition. I knew nothing. She’d just told me to come, and hung up. I hadn’t taken time to call back. I’d just rushed to get here.
Now, I scanned the waiting room, my breath coming in short pants. I’d run all the way from the parking lot and taken the stairs because the damn elevators were too busy or too slow. I spotted Janine standing next to a window, a tissue crumpled in her hand as she stared at the city skyline at dusk.
I rushed to her, taking in her wrinkled beige suit and red-rimmed eyes.
“Janine, what happened? How is Sebastian? What happened?”
I didn’t care I was repeating myself. I had to know. My heart would never beat again unless I knew he was alive, that he was going to be okay.
Janine didn’t rush over to reassure me. She swiped at a tear trailing down her cheek. I’d never seen her so disheveled, and her state scared me even more.
“They don’t know yet.” Her voice was a raspy whisper.
“He was leaving work, heading to the gym. He was on his motorcycle, and the brakes failed.” She swallowed.
“He hit a pothole and was thrown off into a storefront. The shards... A piece of glass pierced his femoral artery. They need to operate, but he’s lost too much blood.
He needs a transfusion and they don’t have enough.
He has a rare blood type, and I’m not a match—”
“I am.” I rolled up my sleeve, looking around. “I’m O negative. Let’s find a nurse.”
I ran down the corridor, looking for anyone wearing scrubs.
Between Janine and me, we managed to explain the situation.
Bless her, the nurse was trained to deal with incoherent people.
She understood quickly. Leading me into a room, she gave me a consent form.
I wrote as though in slow motion, desperate to hurry and cursing my shaking hands.
As soon as I was done, she took a tube of blood to type and crossmatch.
“Wait here. If this is good, I’ll be back for more.”
The second hand on the clock crawled as I stared at the walls covered in medical posters. Twenty minutes later, the nurse was back.
“You’re good to go.”
She had me lie down and stuck a needle into a vein in my arm. The needle was attached to a clear tube through which my blood flowed, to be collected in a blood bag.
“Take as much as you need. Take all of it if you have to. Just please... Save him.”
“Oh, we can’t take any more than a pint.” She smiled politely, her tone calm. “Taking any more would be dangerous for you.”
I didn’t care about myself. She didn’t understand the gravity of the situation. How could she? It wasn’t the man she loved who needed this blood.
“Please try to relax,” the nurse instructed. “This shouldn’t take more than an hour. I’ll be back to check on you. You might feel a little lightheaded or nauseous. Use this button if you experience any discomfort.”
“Thank you.” I looked up at her imploringly. “Can you please check on my boyfriend? His name is Sebastian Wright—with a W. Can you find out how he is? Please?”
I grabbed her hand with my free one and squeezed with all my strength. She winced, but her eyes remained kind and her smile patient.
She nodded. “I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
“Thank you.”
Janine came in and dragged a chair over to sit next to my bed. “Thank you for doing this, Jesse.”
I stared at the ceiling. Tears slid from the corners of my eyes. “You don’t have to thank me, Janine. I would give my life for Sebastian.”
I realized I meant it, without conditions or rewards.
I loved Sebastian more than my own life.
Nothing else mattered. Everything seemed trivial compared to this.
Even what had happened with Ben less than an hour ago seemed unimportant.
All I wanted, all that mattered, was that at any time now, someone would come through that door and tell me Sebastian was going to be okay.
“I believe you,” Janine murmured.
I’d almost forgotten she was there, lost in my own thoughts. I turned my head toward her, and a wave of dizziness washed over me. It probably wasn’t a good idea to donate blood on an empty stomach, but I couldn’t stand the thought of food right now.
“Are you okay?” Janine reached out to touch my shoulder. “You’re very pale.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, nodding slowly. “I’m fine.”
“Did you have lunch?”
“No. I’m okay, really.” I opened my eyes. “Please, go to the waiting room, in case someone comes looking for you with news.”
She lifted her phone. “A friend of mine is there. She was with me when they called from the hospital. She’ll text me if they have news, or if anyone comes looking for me.”
“Okay.” I stared at the bag filling with dark red, deoxygenated, life-giving liquid draining from my vein. Why did it work so slowly, when every minute counted? Why couldn’t they just slash the vein and take more blood faster?
My mind was out of whack. I knew that. I was being irrational.
With O negative blood, I was a universal donor.
I could donate to anyone, regardless of their blood type, so I donated twice a year.
The problem for me and Sebastian was that, while we could give to anyone, we could only receive our own specific blood type.
I knew it had to be a slow process, to preserve the quality of the blood and the health of the donor.
I didn’t care about the latter right now, and I understood the first, but my mind was fixed on one thing.
How much blood had Sebastian lost, and how much time did he have left?
I looked at Janine. “Can you tell me what happened?”
She shifted on the small, rigid chair. “I don’t know much. The hospital called about an hour ago and told me my brother had been in an accident. I asked where he was, and they told me to come here. They didn’t even tell me whether he was alive or dead.”
A sob caught in her throat, and she paused, pressing a fist against her mouth. Her knuckles were bone-white. I tried to reach out with my free hand, but I couldn’t. She noticed my gesture, moved her chair closer, and clasped my hand in hers.
We sat in silence, drawing comfort and strength from each other. Although we had our differences, all that was forgotten in this moment, when our love for Sebastian bonded us.
She cleared her throat. “I asked my friend, Kim, to drive me here. We found the ER doctor taking care of Sebastian. He said Sebastian was pretty banged up. He wasn’t sure about the level of damage, since they needed to do an MRI, but before they could do that, they had to stop the bleeding and replace some of the blood he lost. Once they transfuse him, they’ll need to operate and repair the femoral artery.
The doctor believes he has several broken ribs and that his left shoulder is either broken or dislocated. Once he’s stable, they’ll know more.”
I closed my eyes again. Nausea washed over me, and I gripped Janine’s fingers tighter. I was surprised by how weak my grip was.
“That sounds really bad.” I moistened my cracked lips.
Janine squeezed my hand in return. Her skin was as cold and clammy as mine.
“I know, but the doctor said there was good news, too. Sebastian wore his helmet, and he was conscious and coherent when they brought him in. There’s a good chance he didn’t sustain a head injury, at least not a severe one. ”
“He’s always had a hard head. Idiot! I told him not to ride that motorcycle. He only did it today because he wanted to see where I was working. He needed a ride back to work, and then home. This is all my fault.”
I started to cry. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I didn’t care if Janine saw me collapse and turn into a sobbing mess. I couldn’t stop crying. My soul was being torn apart, as broken as Sebastian’s body was, bleeding, suffering, and in horrible pain.
“Jesse, please, stop crying.” Janine held my hand in both of hers. “It wasn’t your fault. Sebastian has had that damned motorcycle since high school. I couldn’t stop him from riding it, though God knows I tried. This could’ve happened at any time.”
“But it didn’t. It happened today, and it happened because of me.”
“It’s just a coincidence that it happened today. Statistics say there are over two hundred motorcycle accidents in the US every day. It was only a matter of time before Sebastian had one. If anything, he stopped riding the damn thing when you guys started dating.”
“But he rode it today and became a statistic.”
My voice was flat. The storm of emotions had drained me.
I was afraid to ask how many of those accidents resulted in fatalities.
I’d already lost a loved one to a motorcycle accident.
I remembered calling Jake over and over that day, wanting to hang out.
He’d been at a party I’d skipped. When his mom finally answered his phone late that afternoon, her voice broke as she told me what had happened.
I was too young to understand at first. It took weeks before I accepted Jake wasn’t coming back.
Now I knew all too well what death meant.
“Janine, if Sebastian dies—”
I stopped. I couldn’t think beyond that possibility. That terrifying thought was a wall in my mind. All I could do was think of the things we might not get to do. Visit Europe, watch Robin grow, get old together... I’d never told him I loved him.