Chapter 33 #3
We did face some hardships; when he became real, Aashiq lost all his powers, so he had to adjust to being an actual person, with varying levels of success.
He’s gotten used to having to get up to get himself something from the fridge, and he makes himself shopping lists so he remembers he needs to buy things from the store now.
He got a permanent job in the office, taking my place as the legal secretary when I went off to law school.
His proudest achievement was the day he got his official certification.
His high level of optimism drives Colin nuts, but Aashiq’s so incredibly happy to be there and do something fulfilling that he doesn’t let it bring him down.
We had to create documents for him to make it seem like he’d been an actual American citizen since he was “born” as a child, and then we had to find him a place to live, because we weren’t married, though we amended that very quickly.
He proposed very shortly after the New Year, and then we married in the spring—which Aashiq ended up completely loving, by the way.
It’s his favorite season now, and he always eagerly counts down the days until the snow melts and the warm weather returns.
We thought about moving into a new place, but my old apartment holds so many memories for us, we’re happy to stay there for now.
What can I say? It may have been fast, but when the physical manifestation of your artistry becomes a whole person for you, it’s not like you’re ever going to break up with them, so instead of dating we went straight to marriage.
No one was happier than my mother, who can now fully enjoy her retired life without worrying that her youngest child will be a spinster forever.
And, of course, being my muse, Aashiq still helps me with my writing. I guess the fact that he always needs to be with me can be fulfilled this way, too. He doesn’t have to be in my head as long as he is by my side, which he always will be.
“Ziya?” Aashiq says, and I blink back into attention. “You’re spiraling again.”
“I was reflecting,” I correct. I step forward, pressing the side of my face into his chest. His arms automatically come up around me. “But I… may have been spiraling earlier.”
“Of course you were,” he says matter-of-factly. “I may not be psychically connected to you anymore, but I can still read every expression on your face.” He cups my face with his hand and then turns it, so I stare into his eyes. “What’s wrong? This is supposed to be a happy day.”
“I know…” I bite my bottom lip, fisting the material of his jacket. “I’m just nervous.”
“It’s okay to be nervous,” he says. His thumb skims my cheekbone. “Being nervous means it matters to you.” He raises a brow. “But this isn’t about messing things up because I know you’re not scared of that. So, what are you afraid of?”
I swallow thickly. “I’m afraid after tonight, I’ll lose everything,” I whisper. “I stand to lose so much in accomplishing my dreams. I’m afraid the post-debut depression is going to knock me down and I won’t know how to get back up.”
Aashiq hums, curling a strand of hair over his finger.
After a few seconds, he says, “That’s a completely valid fear.
You spent so many years of your life on a roller coaster that seemed to only go up, but now you’re at the peak, so you’re worried about what’s going to happen when you plunge down.
And it could be something terrible.” A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.
“But it could also be something wonderful. Don’t think about it as falling.
Instead, think of it as the hard part being over.
You let the anticipation build and build as you continue inching closer and closer to the peak, and now you’ve made it past the scary bit.
You can just enjoy the ride, Ziya. You can’t let the fear of the unknown keep you from getting on the roller coaster, not when you know how exhilarating the thrill of the drop is.
” He places his hands on my arms, giving them a gentle squeeze.
“As for being afraid to be knocked down—even if you do fall over, remember I’ll always be here to help you back up. ”
Warmth curls in my stomach, then spreads out to the rest of my body. “You’re right,” I say. “You’re absolutely right.”
“I love hearing you say that.” Aashiq drops a kiss to my forehead. “Now, you need to get out there.”
“Wait.” I push myself to my tiptoes and throw my arms around his neck.
My lips easily find his. He gently loops his own arms around my waist. Even years later, every kiss feels like the first time.
I think it’s because neither of us expected to be able to do this beyond the time we initially had together, so it’s a wonder every single time.
And it’s one we don’t take for granted. Each moment, each hug, each kiss is a gift. One I’ll cherish forever.
When we pull away, Aashiq kisses my nose. “Okay, I’ll go first. Emily and Kyle must be wondering where you slipped away to, so I’ll tell them you’re ready.”
“Perfect.” I nod. As it always does when I look at him and remember I got to keep him, joy fills me to the brim. “I love you, Aashiq.”
“I love you, too, Ziya.” He squares his shoulders back. “Now. Three affirmations for yourself—go!”
At his “go!” I straighten my back. “I am successful, I am confident, and…” My heart swells as I drink in his strong, steadfast form. “I am getting better and better every day.”
Aashiq grabs my hand and presses a quick kiss to the back of it. “I’ll see you out there. You got this.”
He lets go and slips away. I wait like he said to, but none of my worry remains. I can always count on his classic pump-ups to inspire me and remind me I am capable of more.
And I am. I am capable of so much more than I thought I was.
“Alright, everyone!” Kyle’s voice booms from the other side of the shelves.
“Sorry for the delay, but we’re ready to get started.
Tonight, we’re hosting the launch party for My Lovely Muse , and we’ll be holding a signing after the discussion.
Now, without further ado, please welcome the author of the hour, Ziya Khan! ”
I turn the corner to applause that echoes through the entire store. I tentatively wave at the crowd of people on the way to my seat. Zahra is already in her seat, and she nods encouragingly at me as I approach her.
I sit down in my chair, smoothening my skirt out.
My gaze sweeps the audience, and I make brief eye contact with each person.
My parents, whose smiles nearly split their faces, and who I’m sure are picturing the little girl who conjured up stories in their home.
Imran Bhai, who flashes me a thumbs-up. Tasneem Baji, who claps extra hard for me when our eyes connect.
Emily and Daniel, who give small but enthusiastic waves.
Then there’s Adam, Elise, and Madison, my new friends from law school, who don’t entirely understand the publishing thing but are so impressed anyway.
Kira and Antonio, who grin widely when my gaze flits over them.
And my old coworkers Faye, Stella, and Sofia, who each cradle a copy of my book in their lap like it’s a lifeline.
Joe’s here with his wife, and they’re both skimming over pages of the book.
Even Colin’s here, which means so much to me.
He dips his chin at me when our eyes meet.
My agent and editor are also here, both being based in New York.
It’s so special to be able to have them here and celebrate a labor of our joined love.
While there are admittedly more people here I know than people I don’t, I’m way happier this way.
I know everyone wants the success story where they hit it big with their first novel and end up with so much prerelease buzz they get to go on a huge tour and fill stores with so many strangers clamoring to read their book, but I prefer this.
I prefer to be able to scan the crowd and see my family, my friends (both old and new), and even my coworkers.
I’d rather look out into the crowd and see the faces of those who supported and believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.
They say writing takes a village, and while most people think that village is made up of literary professionals, there are so many more people who are part of it. And I’m so thankful I have mine.
Finally, my eyes meet Aashiq’s. The smile he has on right now is my favorite; full and wide and holding so much happiness I know is just for me. I stare into his blue-green eyes; admiration reflects back at me, and it takes everything in me not to cry, because we did it. We made it.
And suddenly, a feeling overwhelms me. Only this time, I’m not sure I can quite explain what it is, which is very strange.
I’m nearing the end of law school, pursuing studies I’m passionate about.
I have a wonderful family and great friends.
I’m finally launching my first book. I have a man who I love wholeheartedly, who loves me back in equal measure, and who despite our circumstances, I was able to keep.
All these great things mean I should be able to articulate the grand emotions I’m feeling right now.
I am a writer first and foremost, after all.
But I guess there are some things even words can’t express.
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