Chapter Thirty-Four Sage
Chapter Thirty-Four
Sage
Travis immediately gets to work when I stop crying.
He killed Ryan, and now he has to dispose of the body.
I feel like I’m on autopilot, wandering around the cabin aimlessly.
I spent ten minutes holding a mug of coffee I didn’t remember pouring, talking to a dead houseplant like it owed me rent.
At some point I think I tried to microwave a spoon.
It doesn’t even occur to me that this could potentially be linked to me until I’m watching Travis load Ryan’s body into his SUV.
The weight of everything Ryan told me is still on my shoulders, and I don’t know how to shake it off.
Even though Ryan was an absolute creep who deserved to die, a part of me feels bad for him.
Travis hasn’t admitted to killing Amelia.
Other than instructions about things to do to help him, he hasn’t said anything. But I know it’s true.
Travis probably killed her and disposed of her at the crematorium he bought or one of the abandoned factories he used in the past. Her ashes are probably scattered somewhere already, taken away with the wind and gone forever.
The idea of him killing Nicole was already bad enough.
She’s innocent and doesn’t deserve to be targeted by someone like him.
But seeing the direct repercussions of someone losing a loved one makes it even more complicated.
Then there is the fact that Travis saved my life yet again.
I didn’t think it could be more complicated, but alas.
Neither of us says anything during the drive to the crematorium. Travis gave me his sweater to stave off the evening chill, and even with the heat blasting on me in the car, I can hardly feel anything. My entire body is numb after what just happened.
Travis does everything himself when we get to the crematorium, and I just sit idly and watch.
It might not be very helpful, but Travis has done this by himself for a long time.
He is about to press the button to start the oven when a spark of anger has me stand up and stop him.
Ryan meant to kill me. I should be the one to send him off.
“Let me do it.” I walk across the room and push his hand aside. “I want to watch him burn.”
Travis doesn’t say anything, but he lets me take over.
I press the button to turn the ovens on and watch as flames rise.
It won’t take long before it’s hot enough to completely disintegrate Ryan’s body to ash.
I stand beside it the entire time, waiting.
Travis lingers over my shoulder but doesn’t stop me.
I’m the one who opens the oven door, and I watch as Travis pushes him inside.
I close it and keep my eyes glued to Ryan’s body the entire time he’s in there.
Travis stands beside me, doing the same thing.
There’s a quiet reverence in the room, as if we are silently worshipping the flames.
I half expect Gregorian chants to start playing or for someone to hand me a hymnal titled Hotter than Hell: A Cremation Companion.
Flames rise from the bottom of the oven, licking against Ryan’s cold flesh as they swallow him whole.
I watch his body turn to ash feeling like a weight has been lifted off me.
The memory of everything he could have done to me, things I saw in his eyes from the moment I met him, seems to burn with him.
“What happens next?” I ask Travis without looking at him. My voice is calm and emotionless, and I keep my eyes trained on the fire. “I can’t handle the thought of you killing innocent people. So what happens next?”
He doesn’t answer right away. I don’t need to look at him to know he’s thinking about that himself. I’m sure it’s not the first time the thought has crossed his mind either.
“I can’t kill you. But I can’t stop doing what I do either,” he says with a hint of disappointment in his voice. I can’t tell if it’s because he can’t kill me or because he can’t stop. Either way, it’s unsettling. “Maybe it’s best if I just let you go.”
That finally takes my attention away from the fire, and I look at him, putting a stony expression on my face. After everything he’s told me—after everything I’ve seen—can he really just let me go?
“I trust you not to turn me in. You could have done that a long time ago, and you haven’t.” He offers me a strained smile, but I don’t smile back. “Besides, you’ll be implicated enough.”
How is he so casual about this? I’m more irritated now than I was when he told me about Nicole to begin with.
He and I have been through a lot together in a very short time. Certainly that would mean we’ve bonded, right? To most normal people, saying goodbye would be difficult. But then again, Travis isn’t a normal person.
It’s just that easy for him to let me go.
“Why didn’t you just let Ryan kill me if I mean so little to you? That would have made both of our lives so much easier.” The words are out of my mouth before I can take them back, and Travis can see how emotional I am now. Farewell, my stoic exterior.
For the first time all day, I see a reaction on his face. He looks offended, like I reached over and slapped him across the face for absolutely no reason. Trust me, if anyone deserves to get slapped, it’s Travis.
“How could you say that?” he asks, his voice pitched an octave higher as he backs away from me. “Just because I can’t kill you doesn’t mean I want someone else to. I can’t imagine a world without you in it, Sage.”
Tears well in my eyes and fall down my face before I can even try to blink them away.
While it may not be the heartfelt declaration I’m looking for, I know this is as close as it gets for Travis.
I step closer and open my arms wide, prepared to wrap them around him for a hug.
Maybe we can get through this after all, because he does care about me.
But instead of accepting my embrace, he moves out of the way and doesn’t look at me. My mouth opens, and my breath hitches in my throat with words I can’t fully say. Instead, I just drop my arms by my sides and turn to the oven once again.
Silence fills in the room. It feels simultaneously full and empty, the weight of everything in our past and all the unspoken things hanging between us. It’s almost unbearably heavy.
My eyes burn, and I feel my throat bobbing up and down as cries threaten to break out. I can’t let Travis see me like this—not right now. I choke them back and bite the insides of my cheeks, hard, to focus on anything but my breaking heart.
When Ryan’s body is nothing but gray ash scooped into a cardboard box, we leave. There’s no souvenir vial this time. Travis drives all the way to his house in silence. I don’t have to ask him to go to Ryan’s house to gather the few items I still have there; he does that all on his own.
While he’s gone, I pack up everything else I have at his house. I grab my camera, my laptop, the rest of my filming equipment, and the clothes I didn’t intend to take when I was leaving on foot. Travis comes back with my hastily thrown-together backpack before I’m finished.
“Do you have everything?” he asks. I don’t know if there’s a part of me that wants him to beg me to stay, but his willingness to let me go is earth-shatteringly heartbreaking.
“Yes.” I grab all my bags and set them down by the front door.
“I’ve called you an Uber. They’ll be here soon.”
“Thanks.”
I can barely bring myself to look at him while I wait for some stranger to come pick me up. It’s awkward. Neither of us says anything, but both of us want to.
The entire future I had planned out in my head is slipping through my fingers, and no matter what I do, I can’t bring it back.
I just can’t accept that Travis is going to kill whoever he wants, regardless of their innocence.
Knowing that I’m sleeping in bed next to a monster—a predator—every single night would be the death of me.
I wanted to think that I could change him, but I was wrong.
God, I hate having to admit that.
The sound of tires riding up the driveway catches our attention, and we look out the window to see blinding headlights pulling up. Travis’s phone beeps a moment later, and he looks at it to see a notification from the driver letting him know they’re here.
“I guess this is goodbye.” My voice is as emotionless as I can make it. I busy myself by grabbing bags to avoid looking at him.
“For what it’s worth, things are going to be different with you gone,” Travis says, forcing a half smile on his face. Is this his way of telling me he’s going to miss me? That my presence here has actually been something he’s come to enjoy? It’s too little, too late for him, unfortunately.
“Make sure you put Ryan’s ashes in the trash when you take it to the dump.” I take a deep breath and drop the strap to my duffel bag on my shoulder before looking at him. I clench my jaw and force myself to stare him deep in the eyes. “Travis, if you hurt Nicole, I will never forgive you.”
He doesn’t say anything, and if he wants to, I don’t stick around to hear it.
I leave immediately and walk over to the Uber.
Thankfully, the driver is a woman. But knowing what I do about Travis, I can’t help thinking how dangerous it was for her to come here alone.
She could have been walking into a trap.
God knows the person who ordered her Uber is dangerous enough.
“All set?” the driver asks in a surprisingly chipper voice. I nod and buckle my seat belt, forcing my eyes to remain glued to my hands in my lap as we back out of Travis’s driveway. From my peripheral vision, I can barely see his silhouette standing on the porch, watching me go.
I ask my driver to stop at the spot where Nicole usually hangs around so I can try talking her into leaving this area, but when we get there, she isn’t anywhere to be found. Crap.
“Anywhere else you want me to stop?” My driver’s chipper voice turns a tad annoyed.
“We’re good to go. Thanks,” I murmur before sinking back into my seat.
As soon as we’re out of town, the dam breaks, and tears stream down my face like a waterfall.
My breath is ragged, and it feels like I’m going to hyperventilate.
I don’t even care that I’m in a public place with a stranger sitting a foot away from me.
She doesn’t say anything, and I don’t even acknowledge her.
It’s about an hour-long drive to Asheville, and I cry the entire way.
The only time I stop is when I lean my head against the back of the seat and close my eyes, inhaling deeply to try to calm myself down.
The Uber smells like goat cheese, and the thought of it makes me laugh to myself before I immediately break out in tears once again.
I silently apologize to the driver for potentially trauma-bonding her with the world’s worst Hallmark breakup movie.
If she pulls out tissues and a chocolate bar, I might just propose.
I never thought I would have to say goodbye to Travis. I guess that’s just another thing I was wrong about.