Chapter Thirty-Six Sage
Chapter Thirty-Six
Sage
“You can stop here,” I say as my Uber pulls up to the dirt road leading to Sunroot Commune—my childhood home.
I spent the past few days in Asheville, but I still felt too close to Lake Lure.
I had to get away far enough so that I wouldn’t get the stupid idea to drive to see a certain someone.
There isn’t a lot of parking available, so the driver has to just let me off on the side of the road, and I’ll walk about a half mile to get to the actual commune nestled in the woods.
I grab my things from the trunk and wave to him to signal that he’s good to leave.
As I hoist my bag onto my shoulder, the weight jerks me sideways, and I stumble into a patch of prickly brush.
I yelp, swat at my shins, and do an awkward dance while trying to yank a burr from my sock without falling face-first into the sand.
A squirrel watches with what I can only describe as judgment.
The sun is hot and already burning high in the sky, even though it’s not even noon. Of course, that’s to be expected on the hottest day of the year in South Florida.
My bags feel ten times heavier as I walk in the heat, and I can’t wait to get back to the compound so I can collapse in one of the cool eco cabins.
The compound is mostly off the grid, and because of that, all the cabins are made in harmony with the earth; they’re supposed to stay warm in the winter and cool in the summer, but nothing can really fight off the Florida heat, so the cabins have solar-powered fans in them now.
About halfway to the commune, I spot a golf cart kicking up dust and dirt as it drives directly toward me.
I squint and feel a small jolt of excitement in my chest when I spot my parents.
They’re waving vigorously, with wide smiles on their faces.
I stand where I am and wave back, thankful they took the initiative to pick me up.
Walking the rest of the way would have been torture.
“I can’t believe you’re actually here!” Mom shouts as she jumps out of the golf cart and wraps her arms around me. She holds me a little tighter than she normally would, and I know it’s because she thinks I’m still mourning the loss of my relationship with Travis.
When I called them and told them I was coming, they asked if he would be joining, and I had to tell them he wouldn’t. They wanted to ask questions, but they saw the heartbroken look on my face, and that was all the answer they needed.
“You look well,” Dad says as he kisses me on the cheek and holds me in his arms.
They grab my bags for me and toss them in the back of the golf cart.
I can’t help but smile and laugh as I look at my dad wearing his Sunroot Solstice Festival shirt from last year.
It’s a pale-orange shirt with a graphic of the sun hugging a person with sweat beading down their face and the word Sol-Mate written below.
“What have you guys been up to?” I ask.
“I led morning yoga. We did some sun salutations,” Dad says, looking over his shoulder at me with a grin. “The sun waved back. We’re just tight like that now.”
I roll my eyes, forcing a fake laugh at his terrible joke.
Normally I would love his ridiculous dad jokes, but I can’t bring myself to let out a genuine laugh.
Mom is clearly tickled by it, as she laughs and nudges him on the shoulder.
Watching the two of them together only reminds me of me and Travis, and I have to look away to force the memory aside.
Even though I try to hide my heartbreak, they notice. I can see the pity on their faces when they look at me. I wish I could forget about it and move on, but it’s not that simple.
When we get to the commune, I see loads of familiar faces.
People wave at me, and some even approach to chat, but I tell them all I’m too exhausted from traveling.
I just need time to unwind and take a break from the heat before I can socialize.
A group of kids playing tag dart by, and one of them stops dead in front of me, eyeing my travel-weary appearance.
“You look like a melted candle,” she says with zero malice, just pure child honesty.
I blink at her, then nod. “Fair.”
She shrugs and sprints off, leaving me questioning all my life choices.
Everyone here is always mindful about respecting other people’s privacy. Of course, gossip runs through the commune like a plague, but I know they won’t bother me right now if I don’t want them to.
We get to the cabin, and I’m thankful for the semi-cool air around us before plopping down on the sofa. My parents sit on either side of me and look at each other before looking back at me.
“I was thinking I would make something fun for dinner tonight,” Mom says with a soft smile. “I got some chicken from Carl, and I was thinking I’d make the Marry Me Chicken you love so much.”
I bite my cheek and blink away the immediate tears that start to form. Of course, of all the dishes she knows how to make, that’s the one she mentions now.
“You know what? I’m actually not feeling that great. Why don’t we save that for another night?” I force a smile, and she nods.
“There’s a bonfire tonight, too, if you want to come. The whole compound is going to be there.” My dad smiles at me with eagerness in his eyes.
Honestly, the last thing I want to do is be surrounded by a bunch of people, having to pretend like everything is normal for me. It’s not, and I don’t know how I’m going to fake it. But looking at the excitement in his eyes, I find it hard to say no.
“That sounds fun. I feel like I should just get some sleep before, though.” I fake a yawn and stretch before standing up. “There was a screaming baby on the plane, and it was a nightmare. I really am beat.”
I don’t listen to any protests even if they plan on giving them, because I walk directly to my old bedroom.
It’s been a while since I spent a night here, and I’m flooded with nostalgia.
I remember staying up late here with friends and giggling about boys we had crushes on.
Once, I even sneaked my first boyfriend, Paul, into the room in the middle of the night to make out.
Even now, when I think about it, Paul’s face is replaced by Travis’s, and I groan while I force the thought aside. I fall back on the bed and hold a pillow over my face as I try to get my thoughts straight. Eventually I close my eyes and fall asleep.
I wake up a few hours later with the sun still shining through the window and some laughter ringing through the cabin. I change into fresh, non-sweaty clothes and make my way out to see what’s going on.
My parents are sitting at the kitchen table with board games sprawled out in front of them.
“You’re up! I was just about to go get you to see if you wanted to play Life with us,” Mom says. Both of them look at me with wide smiles. Even through the smiles, I can see the concern in their eyes.
I nod and join them. Maybe this is good for me. I can get invested in the game, and through a little bit of friendly competition, I’ll have a few minutes where I’m not constantly thinking about Travis.
Unfortunately, it’s not so easy. We play the game, and at first things are going well.
I’ve got a good job, and I live in a nice house that I can barely afford.
Then I have to decide if I’m going to get married.
For some reason, this pretend decision for a small pink peg in an orange car is a big one.
I’m not thinking about the game anymore. I’m thinking about the future I lost with Travis. The two of us could have been together, and now we’re several states apart and I have no idea what’s going on with him.
My stomach twists at the idea of everything he could be up to while I’m not there. I remember Nicole and the excited look on his face when he found his next victim.
“I’m sorry,” I say with a shaky voice as I excuse myself from the table and go back to my room.
My parents try to distract me with other things for the rest of the day. They ask me to watch a new movie with them. They want to ask me about books I’ve read and tell me to show them footage from my travels. I just can’t do it. I ignore them and close my eyes to try to stop thinking about Travis.
A few hours pass, and my dad knocks on the door; pushing it open, he comes in to sit down on the side of the bed. He smiles softly and brushes my hair behind my ear.
“I know you’re in pain, sweetie. I wish I could take it away from you, but I can’t. The best thing we can do is get you out of here.” He taps on my temple, and I can’t help but smile back. “Are you still up for the bonfire?”
My instinct is to say no, but I sit up and toss my legs over the side of the bed and nod. “Let’s do it.”
I follow him out of the cabin, and we walk toward the beach, where a dozen other people are all sitting around a roaring fire with marshmallows and chocolate bars all around them.
The smell of roasting marshmallows is like a balm for my soul, and I just know that a perfectly gooey, burned s’more is going to cure me—at least that’s the hope.
I sit down and make small talk with some of the elders in the commune, telling them all about my travels.
For a while I forget about more-recent events.
I’m focusing on the logistics of my Instagram and YouTube, and everything I’m going to be filming for the solstice festival.
It feels good. It gives me hope that I can actually move on from this.
“If it isn’t Juniper Sage Featherstone,” a familiar voice says behind me. I turn around to see Steve. His full name is Steve Sunshine, yet another victim of the atrocious flower-child names, but he just goes by Steve. “It’s been a while.”
I stand up and walk away from the bonfire to talk to him. “It sure has.”
Steve was a former boyfriend of mine. Well, I thought he was my boyfriend. He happened to think he was a free spirit who could roam between partners freely without telling any of us.
Despite the fact that he’s a sleazy guy using free love as an excuse to fuck around, he’s exceptional in bed. At least, he was when I was with him. By the way he’s looking at me now, there’s no doubt in my mind he thinks this is a prime opportunity to hook up with me again.
“How have you been? I’ve heard you’re some hotshot celebrity now,” Steve says with a smile.
“Hardly. I make YouTube travel videos.” I laugh and look him up and down, wondering what it would be like to sleep with him now. It would certainly help me take my mind off Travis, at least temporarily.
Almost as soon as the thought comes, it goes away. That wouldn’t help anything. I know all I would be thinking about is Travis. No other guy has had my attention the way he does. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be with another guy, but I sure as hell can’t be with Steve.
“You know what, I actually have to go,” I tell him, backing away and shrugging casually. “I’ll see you around, though.”
I head back to the cabin and ignore the stares of everyone watching me as I go. Mom and Dad are still at the bonfire, so I take this opportunity to fall back in bed to have a little bit of peace.
I grab my phone and pull up the camera roll, looking at a few of the pictures I have of Travis. He didn’t let me take pictures of him, but I sneaked a few. They’re mostly candids of him in the kitchen, walking around the house, and even some of him in the gym working out.
My mind immediately goes to the thought of him being here with me, burying his face between my legs and slowly teasing my clit. My pussy dampens, and I grab my bullet vibe from my bag. I stare at the picture of him in the gym while I massage my clit with it.
Electric jolts of pleasure burst through my body as my eyes trace the muscles on his chest. I remember what it felt like to run my fingers along them, and I close my eyes to think about that now. I think about the way his body seemed to completely envelop mine when he was on top of me.
I pull the vibrator away from my clit and slide it inside, imagining it is Travis’s cock. It doesn’t feel as real, but I force those thoughts aside and let my imagination take hold.
I lose control of myself, thinking about him bending me over the couch the first night we made love and just taking me.
My moans are loud, and there’s nothing I can do to stop them.
I think about Travis, throbbing and twitching inside me as he’s ready to come, and just the thought of it sends me over the edge.
I cry out, my body convulsing on the mattress as my hand moves quickly between my legs.
My bedroom door suddenly opens, and I scream, pulling my hand away and looking to see my mom standing there with a worried look on her face. Her eyes widen as she takes in the scene before her, and she immediately covers her eyes with her hands.
“Why don’t you knock!” I shout, grabbing a blanket to cover myself.
“I heard screaming!” Mom shouts, turning away from the room to run off.
“Close the door!” I shout, falling back on the bed and covering my face with a pillow. I hear the door slam shut, and I wish I could disappear.
Well, that was mortifying. But I guess that’s what I should have expected, being back home.
From down the hall, I hear my dad’s voice. “Everything okay in there?”
“Don’t go in!” my mom shouts back. “She’s . . . communing with her inner goddess!”
I bury my face in the pillow again. Yep. Totally back home.