Chapter 14
Ryan
She probably hates me right now.
Good.
I don’t have to impress her.
It’s not my problem if she doesn’t want to believe me. I wasn’t flirting with Jill. I never slept with Jill. I am not interested in Jill.
Jill likes me, that I know, and she is kind to me. But I have never encouraged her. She helped me care for my mom when she was ill.
Jill came over to check on me after she heard about my fight with Brent in front of her father’s restaurant. Then she went on to quote Fight Club: “How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?” That made me laugh.
My eyes immediately hooked on to Ishika’s.
She was glowering at Jill. Was she jealous?
Why did I see my own emotions reflected in her in that minute?
She turned her back to me too quickly, before I had a chance to decipher what it means.
I am a fool. A lovesick fool who wished in a miniscule moment, that she cared, like a woman who is territorial about her man.
It all went downhill when she began flirting with the blond dude. My possessiveness taking over like she was mine.
Even though she cuts me open and makes me bleed every now and then, I cannot stop wishing for her to be mine.
I couldn’t let her walk away so I followed her and drove her home. It didn’t sit well with me that she was upset. I wanted her to know there is nothing going on between Jill and me. But I screwed up again when she shut me down. She slapped me when I deserved it.
So I say to myself, it’s all over now. I have managed to deafen the tones of our love song. There’s nothing left to salvage and I repeat to myself that it’s for the best.
I return home and try watching the soccer game on ESPN but I am restless. I keep waiting for her to text me something callous.
My eyes remain glued to my phone expecting something, anything that's seething. Anything wounding. Anything at all.
I get nothing back from her.
There is no rationale to my actions as I get on my bike and drive like a nutjob in the pouring rain.
I am outside her home, soaking wet, while the rain pelts down on me heavily.
Her fuckin’ tears are to blame for this. She thought she hid them and she really tried. But I saw them glassing her eyes and the torment on her beautiful face because of what I said.
I am here to apologize. I was angry and bitter earlier. But that’s no excuse for the things I said out of spite.
She is perfect. She is pure. She is everything I have ever wanted and more.
She is everything forbidden to a savage like me.
There is a power outage in this area. The streets are dark, the front porch lights and windows in the neighborhood houses are blacked out.
Her doorbell doesn’t work so I knock on the door. No answer. Did she leave the house this late at night? Maybe she went to stay at a friend’s place.
Not Brent. Not him.
I jump the fence then head toward her backyard. The wind is brutal as it brings along the fierce force of water hitting my body on repeat. I do a jog around the house, scanning the windows. The visibility is very bad, I should go back home.
Instead, shielding my eyes from the rain, I search harder.
My gaze stops on the window upstairs. I am not sure why I am expecting her to be there.
I must be going crazy because I am hoping for her to come to that window and wave at me.
There is no sign of anyone inside. But I can’t bring myself to leave.
Next thing I know, I am pulling out my drenched phone from my pocket and ringing her.
It rings.
I hear it very clearly coming from upstairs. But the call goes to voicemail.
I call her again.
No answer.
My breathing picks up, she is inside. She wouldn’t leave her phone back home if she was staying someplace else for the night. There is only one way to confirm this. I have to break into her house.
I climb up the slippery wet brick wall that leads to the balcony outside that room. I jump on the floor and try to peek inside from the blinds. It’s pitch-dark.
I find the door latch, fidget with the knob, and it opens. Switching on the flashlight on my phone, I slide the door open and enter the room.
A shadow moves real fast then hurls something in my direction. I dodge in time, bending my body to the side. The object flies by and crashes to the glass door behind me missing me by an inch.
The shadow lets out a scream. It’s a shrill shriek full of panic.
Ishika.
My phone flashlight hits her face, blinding her. She raises her hands to block her eyes, cowering from the brightness.
“Hey, it’s me,” I say, turning the light to my face so she can see me.
She backs up a few steps as she finally sees me.
Her face is pale, her eyes are bloodshot, and there are streaks of dried tears resting on her cheeks.
FUCK.
She’s been crying.
Her chest rises and falls, her hands are balled into fists, and her lips thin in a firm line.
“Did I scare you?”
Shit!
Say you are sorry, dickhead.
I should have started with sorry, because she swings her arm and hits me hard across my face. Her right hook is strong. My jaw hurts and skin stings.
I am next to her bed, so I place my phone on the mattress, facing the ceiling for the light to fill the room.
“Is that all you got?” I say, rubbing my jaw.
She takes a step forward and pushes on my chest hard. I don’t budge an inch and that frustrates her. She pushes me again with her palms and when I don’t yield, she begins to hit her fists on my chest on repeat.
Her breath is coming out in small puffs, she is shaking from head to toe, and her eyes are pooling with tears again.
“I hate you,” she whispers fisting the front of my wet tee shirt, her voice quivering, her lips trembling.
“Are you done?” I ask softly and a single tear escapes, rolling down her cheek. Her thick lashes close, thinking she can hide herself from me.
Tell me why it hurts. Let me take it away.
I inch closer to take her face in my hands. Bending down I drink her tears, making them mine.
Let this be mine.
If you won’t give me anything else, at least let me have your tears.
I kiss her cheeks, like I am scared my lips will bruise her delicate skin. I kiss her eyes, her forehead, moving to her jaw, making her tears of agony mine. I kiss every inch of her face, but I spare her mouth because that is where I will lose control.
That is where the power shifts and she takes.
She takes and takes until I have nothing left to hide under.
Like she has cracked open my skull to feed on my mind, a place that’s precious to me.
A place that harvests my fantasies of her.
I won’t let her take those away from me even when I am powerless before her.
When I stop my kisses, her eyes fly open. Her face tilts toward me with questions.
“You came back for what? A few more cruel digs, a string of new names you could call me. Does this entertain you?”
I let out a breath and wait, giving her a chance to throw as many hateful words as she can back at me. An eye for an eye is only fair. She can call me names and I will listen to whatever she needs to say to get even with me. In this moment, I deserve her hate.
I wait for her to take aim, I expect her to lacerate, to leave me with scars, to break me into a million tiny shards of glass.
Princess, make it bleed for my pathetic heart.
“What do you want from me, Ryan?” Instead, she chokes on a broken sob.
I search her pretty eyes that speak volumes. But what I find there is all wrong. I expect her to be disgusted, angry, and unforgiving.
I did not expect her to be so fragile and unguarded. So vulnerable.
This is wrong.
It’s supposed to be the other way around. I am the one cut open. I am the one offering my bleeding heart for her to stomp on.
I am the one who knows that she wants another man. And yet, here I am about to fall to my knees.
She has to know what she means to me, that I am incapable of hurting her by any means.
I have to correct this.
“Grab whatever you need. You’re coming home with me.”
She doesn’t fight me when I take her hand. We walk out of the door and I fix her helmet. She climbs my bike and hugs me. Her wet body clings on, instantly stroking and flaming that forbidden desire.
The electricity is back on by the time I drive us back home.
Ishika gets off the bike and stands in the rain.
Every inch of her body is glistening. Her skirt has risen up on her thighs, hugging her curves and showing her long legs.
Her top clings to her chest, the shape of her breasts and the outline of her nipples visible from her now translucent top.
Her hair sticks to her face and her shoulders as she lifts her head up, looking at the skies.
Then she spreads her arms wide as if they are wings and she is about to fly.
She twirls around, spinning like a top—free and wild—droplets of water cascading down her body.
A smile eclipses her lips and her giggles fill the air.
Be still my heart!
She is so beautiful. I can’t stop looking at this girl.
I want her.
I was never that good with self-discipline when it comes to her. Fuck self-imposed rules. I am going to kiss her in the rain.
She stops twirling and lowers her arms. Her face turns to me.
“Hi.” She beams up, all signs of sadness gone.
“Hi,” I repeat after her, stupidly.
“I love rain.”
And, I love you.
I never dared to acknowledge it before. Because I can’t have you like that. I can’t keep you for myself.
You won’t stay.
I’ll keep building sandcastles, while you keep waiting for those crashing waves.
“Hey, where’d you go?” she says coming closer. Her one hand holds my cheek and with her other hand she eases away my frown. Her fingers comb into my hair and wipe it away from my forehead.
“Ishika.”
“Hmm?”
“I’m gonna kiss you now. And when your lips are all nice and swollen from my kiss, when your lips are blushing but still needy, I’m going to go down on you and eat your pussy.
I’m gonna push my tongue into your sweet pussy and fuck you with my mouth.
We’ll make friends after that because, Ishika, I don’t wanna fight anymore. Is that clear?”
I feel her shiver and her breath hitch, the shock of my crassness settles in her consciousness. I give her a chance to back out. To reject me.
She blinks. “Here? Out in the open?”
I blink. “Right here. Right now.”
“Okay.” She licks her lips, her eyes dropping to my mouth.
I yank her to me and finally our lips connect.
I kiss her like a starving man who has never had his fill.
Our mouths tangle, hot and explosive. Needy and unforgiving.
She kisses me back, pulling me closer and demanding more.
Moaning, whimpering against my lips. Panting and gripping my face, she sucks on my tongue.
I break the kiss, refusing to make this easy. “Say my name,” I demand.
“What?” She comes for my mouth again, and I grip her by her hair, tilting her face to me.
“Say. My. Name.” My fingers tighten pulling on her hair.
She blinks, frustration showing as I deny her my mouth.
“While you’re with me, your thoughts are mine. Your needs are mine. Your screams of lust are all mine. Your body can vibrate and dance all you want but I own your orgasms from here on. And, you can have them when you call my name.”
A moan slips past her lips, her hips tilt, and her pelvis pushes on my groin. “And if I don’t. Will it make you wild like a savage animal?”
Christ. She is perfect.