Chapter 27
Ishika
Ihave always been my daddy’s girl. Growing up he catered to my every whim.
Guided me like a mentor, challenged me like an equal, stood by me as my confidant.
The days when I felt like the universe was plotting against me, and all I wanted to do was hide, he would open his arms and welcome me in.
He would let me complain about every little problem that seemed too large and confusing, he would let me throw my tantrums. When I was done with my rant and tears, he would bring me a red apple sliced into thin discs.
We used to sit by the pool and share the apple where he would assure me that everything in my world would be okay tomorrow.
Part of the reason I didn’t have a boyfriend in the past was because I would measure every man with my dad and they would fall short.
My dad is perfect, the best dad and a loving husband.
The real reason Brent appealed to me was because he had my father’s approval.
Because he fit in with the family business by aspiring to become a dentist.
I never fight with my dad. I never felt the need to rebel because he is always on my team. Even the times when Mom and I clash over mundane disagreements, Dad will take my side.
But today I stand toe to toe arguing with my father. For the first time I don’t hug him, I fight him instead. I stand tall in my decision. I have chosen a man so vastly contrast from my dad. And, for the first time I don’t care that my father doesn’t approve.
Dad thinks Ryan is not right for me and it breaks my heart that I have to defend my choice because of Ryan’s past. I had idolized my high school principal once.
Principal Billy Bolton. Now I absolutely hate the guy.
Principal Bolton gave elaborate descriptions about how Ryan’s father, Mr. Karlton Harper, was a pothead.
How broken their financial situation was when Mr. Harper died.
How Marcy, Ryan’s mother, was an addict and addicts always fall back to their old ways.
He gave details of Ryan’s arrest and his aversion to the law.
Billy Bolton spoke to my dad in private, in his study after Ryan left.
I am grateful in a way that he didn’t say anything in front of Owen and Mrs. Harper.
I am relieved Ryan didn’t have to defend and explain all of Bolton’s accusations.
I can fight for both of us. I brace my stance, ready to combat. “That’s not fair, Dad. What if Bolton is lying?”
“Why would he lie? He is Ryan’s uncle. What does he gain from this?
Nothing. He is simply looking out for you because you’re my daughter.
Besides, he is not the only one saying these things.
Nobody said anything about Owen. Why Ryan then?
Why would they single him out if he wasn’t guilty?
He is reckless and unstable. How do you expect me to be okay with you dating such a man? ”
“You’ll believe the gossips, but you won’t believe your own daughter when I say he’s not like that.
I don’t care what his past was, Dad. He is a changed man now,” I yell back at my dad, the cords of my neck strain as I shout to silence him.
Tears burn the back of my eyes as I fight the doubt that is waiting to seep into my mind.
The truth is I don’t know the extent of Ryan’s past. I only know the man he is when he holds me in his arms.
“I’m not letting you ruin your life. There is a pattern to an abusive relationship. They all start with anger management issues. Addiction plays a big role too.”
“Oh God. Dad, now he is abusive and an addict? Where are you getting this info from? Bolton? If Bolton said all this then he lied. Ryan would never hurt me.”
“I’ll kill him before he decides to put a finger on you. I was going to be fair, Ishy. I didn’t care that he wasn’t rich or didn’t graduate from a top school, or that he was a mechanic but a family full of drug addicts and a rap sheet in his name. I cannot allow that.”
“Those are rumors. Dad, please. You taught me to make wise choices. Don’t you have faith in my decisions? He is a good man.” My voice cracks. “I can’t live without him, Dad.”
“Two weeks ago you wanted to date Brent,” my dad taunts. “Nothing is permanent, Ishy.”
I hiss and ball my fists tight until my nails dig into my palms making them bleed.
That jab was on purpose. My dad has never attacked me personally before this.
I recognize what my dad is implying. That this is a mere infatuation.
I would have agreed with him a few weeks ago, but now I am in deep. And there is no turning back.
“No, I thought I liked Brent because you liked him. Because you would approve of him. I wanted what I was trained to seek. But then I met Ryan. The rush and the ride, the pure bliss and joy I experience every time he gives me a part of himself. Every time he shows me his courage and his vulnerable side. He is a beautiful man, Dad. Both inside and out. He has taught me to want things, to be selfish and be unapologetic about it. That’s why it took me a heartbeat to fall for Ryan.
I didn’t know how magical life could be, how wonderful being in love would be, before I met Ryan.
That’s why I am fighting for us. Brent is a really nice man but to me, he will never be even a fraction of what Ryan already is.
Ryan owns my heart, Dad. Please don’t do this.
” Tears pool my eyes with my declaration.
My voice is shaky from all the emotion and desperation to make my father see what is right in front of him.
I wish I had told all this to Ryan first. I wish he was here to hear me confess my feelings for him.
My dad’s smile is sad and knowing. “You are my priority, Ishy. You are my blood and you held my heart since the day you were born. I swore to protect you. What you are planning for your future comes with a risk. A risk that I won’t be a part of.
You say you know Ryan. But do you really?
I have loved you for twenty-three years, and today for the first time, I’m asking you to give me something in return.
I am not your enemy. You need to end this for the both of you.
The more you prolong this, the more you’ll hurt each other later.
You’re going off to college in a few months, Ishy.
He has his life here. Even if you survived a long-distance relationship, you two are poles apart.
He couldn’t even stay here with us for an hour and be with the people you call family.
He walked out because he didn’t like the crowd that surrounded him.
He didn’t fit in with us. I sympathize with his situation.
But these people will stay right here, Ishy.
These are the people you’ll cross paths with for the rest of your life.
Are you going to cut ties with everyone?
With me too? With your mama? Because our presence distresses your new boyfriend?
” Dad argues back but his voice is always calm.
“You’re the one calling my boyfriend a risk just because your stupid friend, Bolton filled your ears with lies,” I charge at my dad.
“Stop it, you two,” Mama interrupts us sternly.
“This is not how you talk to your father. This man loved you unconditionally all your life, Ishy. Don’t blame him for wanting to protect you,” Mama says.
“And you, Mr. Edward Fernandes, give your daughter a break. We have raised an intelligent woman and I trust her.”
Mama cups my face. “I only have to say this, Ishy. Relationships are hard work; they are not based on a two-week-long romance. Love takes time and there are a lot of lessons to be learned. If Ryan is meant to be with you then no one can come between you two. But I want you to take a break from this relationship and concentrate on finishing school first. Can you please think about it? We’ll love you always.
You’ll always be able to come home, no matter what happens.
No matter what the result of your decisions are.
You come home to your family where we take care of each other. Do you understand?” Mama asks.
“I can’t let him go. I can’t let Ryan go. Please don’t make me.” Tears stream down my face. I am hurting, why can’t my dad see this?
“You should listen to your parents,” a voice booms through the living room of our home.
“Mrs. Harper?” My dad goes to meet Ryan’s mother, who is standing at the door. She heard us. Oh God, she heard us bitch about her family.
Dad addresses Marcy, “I am sorry you had to hear that. It’s nothing personal. I want what’s best for my daughter.”
“I understand. I want what’s best for my son too,” Marcy Harper says with her chin up.
“How can I help?” my father asks, crossing his arms on his chest.
“Marcy, please come inside. Let’s all sit down and calm down for a minute. We weren’t accusing Ryan of anything,” Mama says.
“Oh, but it sounded like you were,” Marcy replies and I feel shame wash over me. How much of it did she hear?
“I am sorry,” I apologize first.” My dad—”
“Your dad is keeping you away from a troubled man,” Marcy says.
“I heard everything. But I want to give you some facts too,” she says, facing my father now.
“My boy is not an addict. Every single person who really knows him will vouch for his character. You are free to come and ask around in my side of town. However, I haven’t been a good mother.
I had an addiction. I finished my rehab and I have been clean for five years now.
I was a grieving widow who lost her husband and couldn’t be strong enough for her two kids.
My health suffered too and I got very sick because of my addiction.
Ryan was a high school kid when he became the man of the house and took care of everything.
I can never forgive myself for what my sons had to go through because of my mistakes.
My sons have never touched any illegal substance in their lives.
Billy is a vicious bastard. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gave you some bullshit story about my boys. ”
“Okay, I’m not going to take Billy’s word for it. But I still have my doubts and many questions. And they are all valid considering this situation,” Dad says, but he isn’t disrespectful. He says it as if he is considering it and that is all I want from him right now.
“I’m sure there are. But I’m here to ask Ishika to end things with Ryan,” Marcy says.
“No. I’m not the one judging him. I won’t hurt Ryan.” I thought she liked me. I shake my head in dismay. They are teaming up against me. I am not letting him go. I promised him that I won’t break his heart.
“You’re a sweet girl, Ishika. But this is about my son and what’s right for him.
He used to be different, so full of dreams, when his dad was alive.
He was passionate about soccer and cooking.
Kicking that ball all afternoon or spending his time with his dad in the kitchen, talking about his passions.
But after his dad’s death, he forgot to dream.
He put all his ambitions on the back burner to support Owen and help me with my illness.
Then when you came home and I saw him cook for you, I saw the spark light up again.
My son will fight the world to make you happy.
But you see, Ishika, this town, these vicious people and their venom.
They weave lies after lies. The false stories and their prejudice keep growing louder and louder with each passing day.
They affect Ryan and they’ll make him anxious.
My mistakes and his father’s choices are not his weight to carry.
He needs to get out of here. He needs a fresh start and he can’t do it if you’re holding him back.
He has a job offer in Chicago. One of my husband’s friends referred him for the job.
They are going to train him to be a chef one day.
They called last night and he turned them down.
I think it’s because he doesn’t want to miss out on being with you.
But Ishika, he won’t be happy if he stays.
Sooner or later, this town will destroy him and his mental health.
He needs to cut ties with everyone in his past. Only then will he truly be able to forget the incidents that defined him for these past years. “
“I’ll talk to him about the job,” I say hurriedly. “We can make it work.”
“No, you don’t understand. I know my son.
He won’t leave if you are here. And this kind of opportunity won’t come again.
Your father is right, you two are poles apart.
You’ll go to school in a few months and he’ll be stuck here.
Then what? Don’t you want him to follow his passion?
Don’t you want him to succeed? Do you want him to be miserable and bitter for all the missed opportunities for the rest of his life?
He needs to leave this place, Ishika. If he is here, he is always going to be worried about me, about Owen, or something else that holds him back.
Don’t hold him back, Ishika. Give him his opportunity, let him become the man for whom you don’t have to fight with your father for.
His actions will define how worthy he is for you.
If you two are meant to be, then no one can stop that.
But for now, you need to break his heart and that’s the only way to set him free. I’m begging you.”
I am listening to the demands and explanation while trying to stop my tears.
While trying to control my silent sobs that echo and convey the message that my heart is about to crumble to dust. They are all together on this, but they don’t understand what I stand to lose.
They want me to break his heart and they don’t care what it will do to us.
There is no surviving this. Everything hurts.
He will hate me.
He will never want me back again.