Chapter 29
ISHIKA
Present
Ihave no idea how the doll landed in the attic or why my mom didn’t remember putting it here.
However, I know my mother likes to keep memories sealed in cardboard boxes, reminiscing old times.
Maybe she found the doll and decided to store it along with other memorabilia.
Then she probably forgot about it. Whatever be the reason, I am glad she didn’t give the doll away.
A USB stick sits on the center of my filthy palm.
I have to return it back to Ryan. I don’t know what his motive was back then but I don’t doubt his intentions one bit now. This must be something important or he wouldn’t have stolen it that night.
My parents will be home soon and they won’t let me contact Ryan and explain anything. I need to give this back to him before Dad sees this. Dad will want to hand over the USB to the police.
God, I want to know what’s on it. But now is not the time. I need to run. I need to find Ryan.
I crawl out of the attic and begin my sprint down the stairs until I reach the door and throw it open. I run out into the dark night, only to collide with a hard muscled body. I know his touch even before I can see him.
Ryan is standing in my driveway. I am breathless and trembling as I grip his shirt and incoherent words splutter from my mouth.
“I-I didn’t—”
“It’s okay. Shh,” Ryan murmurs in my ears, wrapping me up in his arms.
I greedily clutch on to him. I don’t know what’s in store for us next. He moves to hold my face is his rough calloused hands, his blue questioning eyes penetrating deep into my soul looking for answers.
“I’m crazy about you, Ishika. If I haven’t made it clear before, lemme make it clear for you now.
I’ve a job offer that everyone wants me to take but I can’t leave.
I can’t sleep, I can’t cook, I can’t think straight.
When you are not with me, I can’t taste anything I eat.
If I shut my eyes, I dream only about you.
When I am awake, I search for you. Ishika, I’m miserable without you.
Give me a chance. Tell me you want me to stay. That’s all I am asking.”
“You should take that job,” I say, pushing away from him. I remember my promise to my father and to Ryan’s mother.
A frown flickers on his forehead. “Was everything a lie? How can I feel all of this and you feel nothing? Was this just a game for you?”
“It was supposed to end eventually. We had a deal. I can give you friendship and that’s all I have.”
“Look into my eyes and tell me you love him and I’ll leave you alone.
But we can’t be friends. If you ask me to go, this is the end for us.
I cannot be a good friend and watch you with another man when I want you to be mine.
I won’t share you. I won’t come second in your life because you’ll always be my first. And I expect the same from you. ”
“We are wrong for each other.” My voice chokes because of the lies. “I didn’t mean to lead you on. I was always going to—”
“Bullshit! You can’t even lie properly,” he says, bending down pushing his forehead on to mine. I try my best to not cry but the damn tears leak anyway. “You promised me you won’t break my heart, Ishika. Don’t go back to him. Don’t leave me.”
It pains, it hurts like a thousand brutal wounds as I remove myself from his touch.
“I’m sorry.” I turn away to wipe my tears showing him my back as I step away.
“So this is it?”
A shaky breath comes loose and more tears escape. My chest hurts so bad. My heart is breaking along with his. “Yes. I’m happy with Brent. I told Brent everything about us.”
“Everything? Did you tell him how I touched every inch of you and how you loved it?”
I gasp and turn. He moves around me, circling me, caging me, once again just like the time he had me on my knees on the mountain top. His eyes are dark and smoldering as he brings back the flood of memories.
“Did you tell him how I buried myself in you and how you kept begging for more? Did you tell him how I had you crawling, moaning, screaming my name?”
“Ryan!” I beg. I moan.
“You can’t forget me, sweetheart. I’ve ruined you for every other man. You’re mine, Ishika.” His tone is tender as he stops before me looking into my eyes.
Wiping my tears, I steel myself for what’s to come. “I used you. I knew you liked me and I took advantage of it. I’m really sorry for being this shitty person. I hope you can forgive me one day.” Sucking in a breath, I dig my hands into my pockets and find the USB.
“You’re lying. I don’t believe you,” he fights on.
I am just going to put the final nail in the coffin and make the transition easy for him. I pull Ryan’s hand down and place the USB in his palm. His eyes widen by what he sees and then his features fill with anguish.
“What’s this?”
“It’s from that night when you were arrested. I found it in the vent when I was following you. I had misplaced it but then I found it again today.”
“You had it all these years?” he barks, taking a step closer and towering over me. The softness in his eyes morphs into rage so quickly.
I swallow. “I won’t tell anyone about this. All I want you to do is leave this town. I can’t be with you, Ryan, I have goals to achieve and I want you to fulfill all your dreams too.” I have to be brave. I can’t let him see how much this hurts me. But Ryan takes the meaning of my words differently.
“You played me, Ishika. All this time you kept this as collateral. You thought you could use this against me when the time comes.”
“No, I didn’t mean to hide it. I lost it that night.”
“You lost it and then you magically found it when you wanted to get rid of me. Fuck! I can’t believe this. Did you see what’s on it?” His rage is terrifying.
“It’s encrypted.”
He freezes, his deep blue eyes changing into stormy gray. “You’re just like them. You don’t think or consider how your actions hurt others. Go, live your life with him. But if you need a dick again, don’t bother coming back to me.”
His words make me flinch. “I didn’t know I had it. Ryan, where are you going?” My nails dig into his arm as he turns giving me his back.
“Don’t fucking touch me. You did this to us.” He releases himself from my grip.
I try to swallow the lump in my throat, inching closer to him. “Don’t do anything stupid. You need—”
“I needed you. Only you. Look what happened. You destroyed everything. This is nothing more than a business agreement to you. Isn’t it?
Everything we shared was a lie. Wasn’t it?
” His breath is hot on my face. For a single moment when his eyes drop to my lips, I believe he is going to kiss me, but disgust takes control instead and his miniscule slip of emotion zips back up in place.
His gaze is repulsive as he backs his steps. “Stay the fuck away from me, Ishika.”
I watch him leave, taking my hope, my love, my heart along with him. I walk back indoors feeling numb. He hates me. I collapse on the mattress of my bed and hug my pillow tight. Tears leak down my cheeks. I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand what is right and wrong anymore.
I want to make sure he is not alone, so I text Owen and ask him to check on Ryan. Owen calls me back after a few minutes.
“Ishika, what the hell happened? I called Ryan and he’s so angry. He says you hid the evidence against Bolton,” Owen says mostly fumbling.
“Bolton? How is Principal Bolton involved in this?”
“This is really messed up. Bolton is not what he claims to be. He’s an asshole. Ryan suspects he had something to do with our father’s death. The USB stick is supposed to give us some clarity. Ryan thinks it holds some clue. Fuck. I just hope Ryan doesn’t get himself in trouble. Shit.”
“Should I call the cops?”
“No. Don’t get involved. Bolton knows powerful people. Look, don’t do anything. I’m on the road, I’m traveling to New York for a job interview tomorrow. But I’ll call Jake. He’ll know what to do.”
“Will you let me know once Jake is with Ryan? Please,” I beg quietly while my hands get clammy thinking that I put Ryan in danger. Why did I have to give him the USB tonight when he was already so upset? This is my fault.
“Yeah. Once I know more, I’ll fill you in. Hey, did you two really break up? Shit. You can’t honestly be in love with Brent.”
“O, I’ll tell you everything but not right now. I need to know if Ryan’s okay. Maybe he went to Principal Bolton’s house.”
“Don’t, Ishy. Bolton is dangerous. He keeps a licensed gun and he has a bad temper. Whatever you do, don’t contact Bolton. Wait ‘til I get back to you.”
I pace my living room, anxiously flexing my fingers and cracking my knuckles. The more time passes, the more anxious I get. Very bad images fill my head. What if Ryan gets hurt? What if something goes horribly wrong? I can’t get ahold of Owen or Ryan. My calls to them reach voicemail every time.
I text Zoe next. Zoe replies back saying she is sending Aariv to look for Ryan. When Zoe goes silent too after that text, dread begins to fill me.
“Ishy!” I find my father looking at me with a worried expression. I hug my knees, sitting down on the floor of my bedroom, rocking myself.
“Dad, I made a mistake. Ryan’s not picking up his calls. I am scared. I will do anything you want but help Ryan, Dad. I think he is in trouble.”
I won’t forgive myself if something happens to Ryan.
My father sits down beside me and holds me in his arms while I tell him everything about the night I stole the USB.
My dad starts making calls to his lawyer and the District Attorney’s Office.
See, my father has a lot of connections in powerful places too.
If Bolton tries to screw with Ryan, my father can protect him. I only hope he is not too late.