Chapter 35
Ishika
Iwake up with a pounding pain in my head and my throat feels like I swallowed gravel and sandpaper. I am extremely thirsty and I need to pee urgently.
How much did I drink last night? My eyes flash open as the memories of last night flood my mind.
I hope I didn’t say anything stupid.
Ryan’s room has thick dark curtains blocking any light coming from the windows.
When I turn to see where my phone is so I can check the time, I spot a bottle of water on the nightstand.
I grab the bottle, knocking something to the floor.
But I don’t bother stopping to pick the fallen things up.
Water seems more important this second. I gulp down the entire water, hoping to get rid of my throbbing headache.
I can feel a migraine coming. My mouth smells foul and my body refuses to cooperate with me when I swing my legs to the floor and attempt to stand up.
I manage to walk to the bathroom and pee.
When I go to wash my hands, I stare at my reflection.
I look awful. My eyes are bloodshot and my hair resembles a bird’s nest. My lips are chapped and my light brown skin looks pale and dehydrated.
Also, I have raccoon eyes. The dark, undereye circles make me look like a zombie.
What happened last night?
I remember that Ryan said he wants to stay friends and I started drinking to blank the tightness in my chest. Oh yes, his lips made contact with my skin three times. Three tiny pecks of kindness, how can I forget that?
Then my eyes fall on the new toothbrush and paste. Asshole had to be perfect. He thought of me and left me a bottle of water and a toothbrush.
God, how can I stop loving this man? Will I ever be prepared to see him with someone else?
I need to tell him.
Wasn’t that the whole reason I came to Chicago to find him?
I have to tell him.
It doesn’t matter that he won’t reciprocate my feelings. I want him to know I love him.
I have nothing to lose.
Maybe he will change his mind.
I brush my teeth in a hurry, while combing out my hair with my fingers, when I hear voices in the next room.
There is someone else in the apartment. I spit out the toothpaste and rinse my mouth. As I am splashing water on my face, I hear a distinct sound of a giggle then a moan.
I freeze on the spot.
“Harder.”
“Oh, Ryan, baby. Please don’t stop.”
Smack!
“Oh my God, Ryan, I love it when you pound my ass.”
My stomach lurches and bile rises up to my throat. My worst fears stand confirmed.
I don’t win the battle against my tears this time. They burn my eyes and trail down my cheeks hard and fast. Nothing has prepared me for what I am hearing right now. I am in unimaginable agony. My heart feels ripped out of my chest and shattered.
I need to get out of here.
The slapping of the flesh in the next room gets louder and vulgar.
I manage to retrieve my phone from the nightstand and locate my travel bag on the floor.
I am on autopilot, in a haste, I rush out of the room and cross the living area and pull on my shoes.
I fetch my jacket off of the coatrack, sucking in gulps of air as soul-crushing tears quake my body.
The elevator is on the left, three apartment doors on the corridor to cross before I can get to the doors. I don’t look back as I pull open the door and run into the corridor. My face is down and my vision is blurry as I finish zipping my bag and when I look up my feet falter.
Ryan is standing a few feet away from me with coffee cups in his hands and a brown paper bag tucked under his arm. He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off.
“I can’t,” I cry out, the onslaught of tears is making me look weak and pathetic but I don’t care. “I can’t do this.”
I can’t describe this pain, this emotional collision that is telling me that I have exhausted every option, my only solution from this wreckage is to run. I can’t think anymore. This is the very thing I was afraid of, it’s everything I wasn’t prepared for. I am a wreck and I cannot stop my tears.
The elevator dings and the doors slide open.
Our eyes meet one more time.
“Don’t.” He shakes his head in a warning, anger and alarm shadowing his features. “Ishika, don’t you fuckin’ dare.”
I dash past him with all my strength, narrowly escaping his arms as he stretches them to catch me while also unsuccessfully balancing the card board coffee holder.
I get into the elevator in the nick of time just as the doors are closing and press the buttons.
Ryan’s face reflects sheer panic, as the coffee cups and the brown bag crash to the floor, and he sprints after me in a mad rush.
His eyes are wild and there is so much turmoil on his face as he closes in on me.
I press the buttons faster in a frenzy, praying for the door to slide shut faster. Come on. Come on. Please. Please.
“Ishika, NO!” he screams as the door shuts on his face. I hear his fist hammer into the metal aggressively as the car steals me away from him.
The pounding of his fists doesn’t stop.
Everything hurts. How did I not see this coming? I need to leave this city. I need to get out of here before he confronts me. I fetch my phone out of my pocket. I have to call Sadie and tell her I am leaving. But my phone shows me a blank screen. My phone’s battery is dead. What will I do now?
As soon as the door opens, I charge out of the elevator and barge out of the exit doors of the building and into the street.
I welcome the sharp bite of the cold air as it hits my body and I surge past the crowd and keep jogging.
A couple of pedestrians stop to turn to look at me as they take in my sorry state.
I wipe my eyes with the back of the sleeves of my jacket, but it’s not effective as fresh tears refill and run down my cheeks.
There is nothing more left to say.
My life has fallen apart. I am empty, betrayed, lonely, and lost.
Asshole had the balls to look devastated as he saw me leave. What did he think? That I would stay and listen to him enjoying himself with another woman?
He didn’t even have the courtesy to wait for me to leave. He had to fuck her while I slept in the next room. And then he meets me in the corridor looking miserable because I am leaving.
Like he is the victim and I wronged him.
He was the one fucking her. He is the one who ripped my heart out and did a stampede on it.
He was fucking her and then he was in the corridor in a matter of seconds. Like he is fuckin’ Superman.
Hang on a minute!
I stumble on an uneven bump and my steps come to a halt.
He was in the next room with her. I heard her call his name. I swear I heard his name.
If he was in the room then how did he get to the corridor so quickly?
What is going on!
I don’t understand this.
“ISHIKA!” Ryan calls my name from behind.
I turn to him. He is running, panting like crazy, and livid with fury. When he reaches me, his hands grip my biceps in a menacing grasp.
“Why did you run?” His breathing is labored and his lips snarling. “What the fuck, Ishika? I ran down thirteen floors of stairs so I don’t lose you again. My heart. My fucking heart can’t take this.” He shakes me, his fingers digging into my biceps.
“That’s it. You just wake up and walk away from me. Again. It’s that easy for you? Fuck. I don’t even know what I did to piss you off. What the fuck did I do this time? Tell me what was my mistake. Why are you not talking now? You fuckin’ had so much to say last night.”
I burst into a fresh bout of tears, covering my face with my hands. I can’t hide my fears anymore.
I am so scared.
I feel his warmth envelop my body. I am sheltered in a cocoon of his scent and his powerful, muscular arms. His broad chest is my favorite place and when he pulls me closer and rests his chin on top of my head, my face rests on his heart, listening to his speeding heartbeats.
“Don’t let go. Don’t leave me,” he pleads, rubbing my back. “Tell me how to fix this. You gutted me last night when you said I never loved you. And now, you won’t even let me explain. Am I this easy to get rid of?”
Looking up at him, I shake my head. “I heard voices in the next room,” I hiccup. “Someone was in your apartment. There was another girl. I heard her call your name. I don’t know what is going on, I thought it was you in there with her being intimate.”
“That wasn’t me,” he growls, moving to take my face in his hands.
“I left you a note under the drink bottle that I was out getting you breakfast. You saw me in the corridor. Do you think I would bring another girl back to my apartment when you are in the next room, sleeping in my bed? I would never fucking do that to you. Because you are still my girl. I only belong to you. I haven’t touched anyone else since you.
I was waiting for you to come back to me.
I was willing to wait as long as it took you to come back to me.
Fuck, Ishika, you cut me open when you don’t trust me. ”
I climb on my tiptoes to reach him, and pulling his face down, I kiss Ryan Harper.
Savagely. Desperately. Claiming his mouth.
My lips seal with his and I push my tongue between his teeth, stroking and demanding to be loved, promising to love back a million times more.
He kisses me until the planet around us ceases to exist and we are in a world of our own.
I weep all my worries and my insecurities out as I take everything I want from him. Demanding that he kisses me back and forgives me.
He doesn’t punish me, he kisses me back with the same fervor, angling my mouth with his and taking over my sloppy kisses and turning it into an inferno.
In the center of a busy street, surrounded by the early morning traffic rush and pedestrians, Ryan Harper kisses his Ishika. He kisses and kisses until my tears stop and my hiccupping sobs turn to moans.
He comes up for air. “Let’s go back to the apartment.” He wipes my tears.
I hug him so tight there is no room left between us. I will never again let him go.