5. Missy
MISSY
S ummer has flown by in a snap. By now, I’ve gotten used to the rhythm of the season. The smell of grass and sunscreen, the shriek of whistles, the steady beat of cleats pounding on turf, and moments stolen with Jace.
Jace is the best thing to happen to me in a long time.
Of course, there’s so much about my life I haven’t told him.
But maybe that’s part of the magic. When I’m with him, I get to be a version of me that I wasn’t sure existed anymore.
He’s devastatingly charming. He has this way of bringing out the fun in me.
I find myself smiling like an idiot anytime I think about him.
I can’t imagine the hangover when he leaves after this season… So I don’t. For the first time in a long time, I let myself be in the moment. Jace is my best kept secret and my reason for smiling.
Today is already the third day of youth summer camp, and I’ve fallen into the routine.
I know when snack breaks happen and where the water coolers are stationed.
I’ve memorized which sideline gives me the best view of Ethan without him spotting me hovering like a mom-shaped shadow.
I know that eleven in the morning is the best time to slip away and catch Jace on his way out of the training room.
But today, everything shifts.
Today, my heart trips over itself the second I round the corner to the field to watch Ethan. Because there, standing in the late-afternoon sun with a ball in his hand and that easy, crooked smile, is Jace.
And he’s playing catch with my son. Why the hell is Jace at the youth summer camp? This wasn’t a part of the plan. I freeze as my worlds collide. It’s like a horror show. For a moment, I can’t even breathe.
Ethan giggles. His little body lunges for the ball as it sails through the air. He misses the catch and collapses into a heap of laughter. Jace walks over, and my heart thuds in my chest. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Jace claps him gently on the back and says something that makes Ethan throw his head back in pure delight.
The sight of them together is so shocking, I can’t look away.
Not mentioning to Jace that I’m a parent is coming back to bite me in the most epic way.
I should have just told him. I wouldn’t have had to introduce them, but I could have at least been honest.
I’m going to have so much explaining to do. My stomach lurches and swirls as I keep watching the two of them. The longer I watch from behind my oversized glasses, the more the scene in front of me changes and filters into view.
Here we have my boy and the man I’ve been trying not to fall for… together. There’s something intoxicating about it, whether I like to admit it or not. It’s like a dream I didn’t realize I’d been having.
Without warning, warmth spreads through my chest like sunlight filtering through stained glass. It hits all the broken, empty places I thought I’d patched up a long time ago. It fills me and cracks me open all at once.
What if this was our normal?
The thought hits me like a punch to the gut. For a split second, I let my guard slip. I let the fantasy bloom, and I myself imagine that this is my reality. The images flood my mind like a movie I’ve already seen.
Jace and Ethan, tossing a football in the backyard while I stand on the porch with iced tea and a soft smile. Dinner at the table for three. Bedtime stories read by someone whose voice feels like home. A man who doesn’t just show up, but stays.
The thoughts are so beautiful that they terrify me.
I’m fiercely proud of the life I’ve built, and I’ve done every part of it all on my own. I’ve kept us safe. I’ve kept things predictable. I’ve been both Mom and Dad for Ethan. I’ve kept my heart under lock and key so no distractions could reach me along the way.
Now… watching Jace ruffle Ethan’s hair, something inside me aches. An uncomfortable truth settles over me. I’ve been surviving for so long, I forgot what it feels like to want more for myself. But should I want more for my son too?
But Jace isn’t Ethan’s father, no matter how natural they look together. Ethan’s father walked out the moment I told him I was pregnant. He didn’t argue. Didn’t fight. Didn’t look back. The man just vanished like we were a chapter he didn’t care to finish.
For years, I convinced myself I could fill that gap he left. I thought that if I loved hard enough, gave enough, and planned enough, then I could build a life sturdy enough to hold us both. I’m desperate to give Ethan a life where nothing is missing.
But lately, it’s getting harder. Ethan’s getting older. He asks more questions. He watches the way other kids run to their dads after games, and I’ve started to wonder if my best will be enough.
Now I’m watching Jace fill that role so effortlessly, and it’s like twisting the knife. Standing on the sidelines and letting this happen might be the cruelest joke. A tear threatens to escape my eyes and that’s all it takes to jar me back to reality.
All of a sudden, Ethan turns and spots me on the sidelines. He breaks into his big, gap-toothed grin. He waves to me, and it’s all wide-eyed enthusiasm and sticky joy. It’s like seeing me just made his whole day. I wonder how long it will last. I wave back and swallow the lump in my throat.
But then… Jace turns too, and all of a sudden, I have a whole new set of worries. His gaze follows Ethan’s line of sight and lands right on me. I’m catapulted into a full panic. Jace’s face lights up. He waves too.
I freeze. Then Jace waves again with all the subtlety of a marching band. Dammit. My heart rate spikes, thudding against my ribs like it’s trying to warn me. Oh no, I’ve really freaking done it now. I force a smile, lifting my hand in return, but my stomach’s already in freefall.
This is bad. So bad.
Standing here and watching them laugh like father and son, my mistakes are painstakingly clear. Jace doesn’t know Ethan’s mine. Ethan doesn’t know Jace exists at all… And I let my own selfishness rock the carefully crafted world I’ve manufactured.
I make the sound and legitimate decision to put my head in the sand. I’m just going to act like this isn’t happening. I’ll simply pretend it isn’t real and back out of the arena. I’m halfway to the exit. My heart thumps in my chest, and my feet feel unsteady beneath me.
But it’s too late.
Jace jogs toward me, and my breath snags. His smile is wide, and his energy radiant. “Missy! Hey, sweetheart!”
Sweetheart.
My eyes go wide. Jace is sweaty and flushed. Only on him, the effect looks something like glowing. He’s chuckling when he reaches me. He flexes his bicep with mock bravado. “Came to watch the show?”
“I um, well, you know I think I should probably…”
Before I can gather a single coherent thought, Ethan bounces up beside him. “Hi Mom!”
Shit.
Jace blinks. “Mom?”
I force a smile and swallow the boulder in my throat. “That’s right,” I say carefully, voice a little too bright. “Jace, it looks like you’ve met my son, Ethan.”
The words land heavily between us.
Jace stares at me. For a second, it’s like time skips.
His eyes search mine, and there’s a quiet storm brewing beneath the surface.
“Your son.” Then he looks down at Ethan and nods slowly.
“Well… He’s got to be the coolest kid I know, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. ” Jace’s voice is soft but steady.
Ethan beams up at me, oblivious to the chaos happening in my mind. “At the end of camp, there’s a parents-versus-kids game! You’ll play in it, right, Mom? It’s going to be so much fun.”
I nod automatically, still reeling. “Of course I will.”
But inside, I’m spiraling. The thought of squeezing myself into football pads in front of colleagues and kids is not the dream. But I won’t let my son be the only one without someone cheering him on the field. I won’t be that mom.
Jace grins, that slow, easy grin that always makes my chest tighten. “I could always play in your place.”
My head snaps toward him. “What?”
Ethan lights up like a Christmas tree. “Yeah! That’s awesome!”
But I’m already shaking my head. “No. Jace, you can’t. For starters, you’ll be back in Lumberjack Lagoon helping your brother next week, remember?”
His grin falters just slightly, but I barrel on.
“Besides, it’s supposed to be a parent or family member. I’m perfectly capable. You can’t just… insert yourself.” The last part slips out sharper than I intended. But I can’t help it; my words are stiff with panic and guilt.
Jace’s smile fades. There’s a flicker of something raw behind his eyes. It’s a flash of hurt he tries to bury.
“Well,” he says, his voice quieter now, “it is true that I only just learned Ethan’s name this week.”
His gaze locks with mine. It’s piercing and unblinking. Message received… The weight of his words hits hard.
I want to defend myself. I want to explain that I never meant to hide Ethan, not really. That I didn’t expect their paths to cross. That I didn’t know Jace would be the kind of man who made kids laugh and moms forget every wall they’d ever built. But all of that sounds like an excuse.
Besides, standing here, under the weight of Jace’s disappointment and Ethan’s joy, I know it wouldn’t matter anyway. I should’ve told him. And now, I might’ve ruined everything.
A sharp whistle cuts through the air. Ethan perks up like someone flipped a switch. He tosses one last look over his shoulder before bouncing back into line with the other campers. Somehow, he’s leaving even more full of energy and excitement.
And just like that… the quiet is deafening. It’s just me and Jace.
I can feel the tension crackling between us like static, and I hate it. I hate that it’s come to this. But I also can’t ignore the tight knot of fear in my chest. Total honesty and accountability are my only options here.
I turn to him slowly and let out a deep exhale.
“Listen, please, don’t make this weird. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I’m a mom.
I just… I didn’t think it was that serious between us.
We both know what this is, and you’re such an incredible person, so I know you probably don’t want to admit it.
But I mean, you’re only here temporarily. ”
He doesn’t flinch.
Instead, Jace’s eyes lock on mine with quiet intensity. “What if I wasn’t?” he asks. “What if this were my life here in South Carolina for good?”
His words land heavy. It’s too much to think about. I take a step back. I try to find air. I’m desperate to remember why I built these walls in the first place.
“Stop, it’s okay.” I say, shaking my head. “We both know what this is. What we’ve been doing... It's fun. It’s temporary. And unfortunately, I let myself get carried away.”
His jaw ticks, and I immediately regret everything I’ve just said. It might be true, but I’m being harsh, and Jace is the sweetest man I’ve ever known.
He folds his arms across his chest. “So that’s it? You’re done?”
“I think I have to be.” My chest hollows out.
He lets out a humorless chuckle. “So you keep the fact that you’re a mom a total secret until I’m all in with you. Then you’re out, at least until the next guy calls a wrong number. Then you’re all in with him. Ha. I hate that.”
I wince. Then I roll my eyes to cover it. “No,” I say, my voice cold now, clipped. “I’m all in with my son. It’s where I should’ve been from the beginning.”
“Don’t do that.” Jace flinches like I slapped him.
But I can’t stop now. If I do, I’ll break. “Enjoy your trip,” I add, already turning away. “And I’m sorry I involved you in my complicated life. You didn’t deserve that. I’m going to let you move on with your life now. But I’m going to miss you, you should know that.”
Another whistle blows, and when Jace turns toward the sound, I walk. I don’t dare look back, even though every step feels like leaving a piece of myself behind.
The lump wells in my throat, and I can’t stop the tears that spill behind my glasses. Deep down, I know I just pushed away the only man who has ever made me feel safe, seen, and a little less alone in this world.
But I can’t afford hope. Not when someone else’s heart is on the line. I get three feet from the door to my office before I hear the footsteps crunching behind me.