Chapter 7
SEVEN
DELANEY
Hannah falls asleep five minutes into the movie she insists on watching after we get back from the aquarium and dinner at a pizzeria.
She’s curled up against Jared’s side on the couch, breathing deep and steady, the rise and fall of her little chest visible beneath the fuzzy blanket.
I slip away to grab a couple glasses of water, and when I return, Jared is carefully scooping her into his arms.
“I’ll be back soon,” he whispers, carrying her down the hall with practiced ease.
I watch them go, my heart aching. He’s so good with her. Gentle. Present. The kind of dad every kid dreams of having.
The kind of man I never believed existed. And for good reason.
There has to be a catch. Well, besides the obvious: That he’s not looking for romantic commitments.
Though, I can understand that, given his situation. He’s the kind of man who will put aside his wants and his needs for his child.
And, damn it all, that only makes me like him more.
It only makes me want him more.
But that’s not what this is supposed to be about. We need to stop this before I go and do something stupid.
Like falling in love with him.
By the time Jared returns to the living room, I’ve folded the blanket and tucked it over the arm of the couch.
He frowns. “Where are you going?”
“Oh.” I glance around. “I figured since she was asleep, you’d want me to leave.”
“Do you want to leave?”
No. Yes. I don’t know. “I can stay.”
“Then, please.” He motions for me to sit back down. “Stay. Finish the movie.”
“Okay. I’ll stay until the movie is over.”
He sits beside me again, a little closer this time.
“Want some wine?” he asks.
I probably shouldn’t. We don’t need to muddy the waters any more than we had. “Sure. Some wine would be great.”
Apparently my brain and mouth aren’t on speaking terms at the moment. Or, at least, they aren’t working together.
He returns again with two glasses, and we sip in comfortable silence for a while. The house is quiet. Cozy.
It’s all feeling a little too… perfect.
“Thanks for inviting me along,” I say. “I had a good time.”
“Yeah?” He looks at me over the rim of his glass. “I did too.”
“I had no idea the aquarium could be so much fun.”
“Then you’ve never lived before.” He sets his drink on the coffee table. “But, you should know, it was more fun because you were there.”
There’s a moment—one of those thick, breathless stretches of silence—where we’re both just watching each other. My skin buzzes with awareness. When he leans in, I meet him halfway.
The kiss starts off slowly. Soft. Curious. Sweet.
It’s a kiss that isn’t about scratching an itch. It’s something else. Something more real. And impossibly sweet.
It’s nothing like the frantic, physical connection we’ve had thus far in our interactions.
This one means something.
I know what it means.
I don’t need to worry about falling for this man.
It’s too late.
I’ve already fallen.
His hands slide into my hair, brushing it away from my face. My fingers dig into the soft cotton of his T-shirt. I melt into him, completely, until?—
BEEP.
We both flinch as the sound cuts through the air. Our phones are side-by-side on the coffee table.
“Oh, shit.” He sits up and reaches forward. “I bet that’s the fire house. The chief said he’d be in touch if they need me to come in and cover for one of the rookies tonight.”
“I can stay with Hannah if you need me to.”
“I’d appreciate that.” He clicks on the message. His jaw grows tight. “What’s this?”
“What do you mean?” I frown as I take the phone. “Was it my phone?”
I look down at the lock screen.
And read the message.
CASHAPP: $200 received from DaddyDom69 – Advance Payment for some fresh content. Don’t leave Daddy waiting.
My stomach drops.
Shit. Shit. It’s a message from a client I haven’t spoken to in months. Someone, and something, I thought I’d put behind me.
“I can explain,” I say quickly, setting down my phone.
Jared stares, not blinking. “Before I got my job at the call center?—”
“You had a different line of work.”
I meet his gaze. “Yes, I did.”
He stands abruptly and starts pacing the rug. “For how long?”
“Since college,” I say clearly, forcing myself not to shrink. “It was only ever virtual. Just… messages. Videos. Calls. That’s it. I never met anyone in person.”
“You mean no one until me.”
“I never asked you for money.”
He nods slowly, jaw tight. “So this whole time?—”
“I haven’t done anything since I started my current job. I swear.”
“I believe you,” he says. But his tone is distant. Cool. “But it doesn’t really matter. Does it?”
I blink. “What do you mean?”
“This was all a mistake.” He drags a hand through his hair, exhaling hard. “I shouldn’t have signed up for that damn app. I was lonely. Horny. I didn’t want to feel so alone, but I didn’t want to risk...”
He looks at me, finally—really looks—and it guts me.
“I have a daughter, Delaney. She’s all I have. She looks to me for everything. For the example I set. For the people I bring into our life.”
Oof. “I understand.”
“I’m sorry.” And the way he says it, the way devastation plays across his face. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but…”
“You don’t have to say anymore.” I swallow hard, keeping the tears that threaten to fall at bay. “You’re being the kind of father every girl deserves to have.”
He nods, but he doesn’t say any more.
“I’ll… I’ll get out of your way.” I stand and stare down at what I’m wearing. It’s another pair of his sweatpants and shirt. “I’ll change first.”
“That’s okay. I don’t need it back.”
Of course he doesn’t. He doesn’t want anything a retired sex worker wore hanging around his house.
I don’t spare him another look as I gather my bag and my coat.
It isn’t until I’m in the car, their home’s porch light in my rearview mirror, that I let the first tear fall.
And then they don’t stop until long after I’m curled up on the sofa in my cold, lonely apartment.
***
I don’t stir from my spot until the next morning. I answer the incoming call from Katie.
But it’s only because she’s threatened to call the police if I don’t answer.
“Okay, good, you’re alive.” She sighs in relief. Then her eyes narrow. “Wait. You look terrible.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Nannying really must have taken it out of you.”
“No that’s not it. Besides the dead goldfish, everything was great.”
“Then what happened?”
My face crumples and I bury it in my free hand. “I’m such an idiot.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” She croons on the other end of the line until I’m able to raise my tear-streaked face. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know what there is to say. Besides the fact that I did the one thing I swore I wouldn’t do when I downloaded that damn app.”
She winces. “You caught feelings for him.”
“You don’t know the half of it.”
“Did you tell him? And did he tell you he only wanted you two to keep things physical?”
“No, I almost wish he had.” I give a watery, humorless laugh. “He found out about my old job.”
“The virtual sugar babying?”
I nod. “And he said I wasn’t a good influence on his daughter. And that being around me would send her down a path of corruption and ruin their lives.”
She scoffs. “He said that?”
“Well, no.” I sniffle. “Not in so many words. But he implied it.”
“Then he was an ass.”
“He wasn’t. He was just being a good dad.”
Which is why, no matter how much I might want to, I can’t hate him for that.
“There’s only one thing left to do,” I say.
“Block him on your phone and app so you aren’t tempted to reach out to him in a moment of weakness?”
I give her a half-hearted smile. “That, and write a new break-up song.”