Chapter 9
NINE
DELANEY
Somehow, I keep it together.
I manage to complete the song—a song I wrote when I was falling for a man who could never love me—without bursting into tears.
But I feel them burning in the back of my eyes.
I feel them in the way my throat swells, and my voice is just a bit raspier than usual.
Yet, I don’t break. Even though keeping it together after being so broken the past few days is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
He’s not for me, I remind myself, borrowing a phrase Katie gave me when I told her what happened. The right man for me is out there. A man who won’t hold my past against me. A man who will love me for—not in spite of—the person I had to be to become the woman I am now.
My voice mingles with the chord in the final note until they both fade away. The way I hope my love for a certain single dad will soon disappear too.
Applause fills the room.
I force a smile and bow my head slightly before stepping off the stage. My hands tremble as I place my guitar back in its case. The moment the curtain falls behind me, I let out a slow, shuddering breath.
It’s done.
I made it through.
My heart is still racing when I hear footsteps behind me. I turn, expecting the host, or maybe one of the other performers.
Instead, I see him.
Jared.
He’s holding a small bouquet of flowers that look like they were grabbed from the nearest bodega.
He’s breathless, like he ran back here. Like he couldn’t wait one more second.
And, he looks the way I feel.
Like hell.
His shirt is rumpled. There are circles under his eyes. But I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life.
I freeze.
“I didn’t know if you’d be here,” he says. “But I hoped you would. I had to try.”
I cross my arms, shielding my still-cracked heart. “What are you doing here?”
A long pause stretches between us.
“I tried to call,” he says. ”But you blocked me.”
It comes out straight-forward, without accusation.
I lift a shoulder. “I thought it would be easier for us if we couldn’t speak.”
“Was it?” he asks. “Was it easier?”
“No, it wasn’t.” I swallow past a lump in my throat. “Since you found me: What do you want to talk about?”
“I came to apologize.”
I arch an eyebrow. “Because you threw my past at me?”
“I didn’t do that.” He frowns. “Is that what you think this was about? If so, I’m sorry for that too. I’m sorry if you felt judged.”
I shake my head, not understanding. “If it wasn’t about my past, what was it about it?”
“It wasn’t about your past,” he says finally, voice low. “It was shitty of me to even imply it. And I can see how I did. I know that. But that wasn’t the real reason I pushed you away.”
I stare at him, forcing my voice to stay even. “Then why did you?”
“Because I was scared.”
“Of what? What I used to do?”
He shakes his head, taking a tentative step closer. “No. I was scared of what might happen in the future.”
He drops his gaze, like he can’t quite look me in the eye.
“I was scared Hannah would get attached and then lose you like she lost her mom. I was scared I’d start depending on you. Wanting more. And that I’d screw it all up. That I wouldn’t be enough. For her. For you. That you’d leave.”
My throat tightens. And my heart aches for this man. For me. For the hurt we’ve both lived with these past few days.
“But I was wrong,” he says. “You being in her life? It won’t hurt her. You’ve made her light up in ways I haven’t ever seen.”
“Really?”
“I swear.” He moves even closer. “You didn’t take anything from her. You gave her something she didn’t even know she was missing.”
His eyes meet mine, and this time, they don’t waver.
“You gave me something too.”
“What’s that?” I whisper.
“Hope. Comfort. And… love.”
A beat.
“I’m falling for you, Delaney. I already have. And I want a chance. To build something real with you. If you’ll give me one”
I don’t even realize the tears are falling until he takes a cautious step forward and brushes his thumb under my eye.
“You’re really here,” I say.
He nods. “I’m really here.”
I inhale a shaky breath. “Then let’s go somewhere.”
“Okay.” He nods eagerly. “Where should we go?”
“My apartment is around the corner.”
His lips curve into the smallest smile. “Are you inviting me to go home with you?”
“I am.”
The drive from the cafe to my apartment is a blur. I’m back in my usual spot in the passenger seat of his car. The air is thick with anticipation and desire.
But this time is different from all the others. The way he has my hand cradled sweetly in his. The way his thumb frequently slides across my wrist to where my pulse quickens under his touch.
The way he keeps casting longing looks my way.
My heart flutters with each look and each glance.
This time isn’t just the anticipation of a desire that’s surface level. It’s a desire to let what’s in our heart shine through.
Jared opens the truck door for me and helps me out. His hand lingers lightly on the small of my back, sending delicious shivers up and down my spine.
I nearly drop my keys—twice—as I fumble to open the door.
But the second it’s open, it’s as if the final door between us has been cast aside as well.
“Baby.” He cradles my face in his hands as he lowers his mouth toward mine. “Delaney.”
Unable to wait a moment longer, I grip the lapels of his flannel shirt and pull him closer. Leaning up onto the tips of my toes, I meet him halfway. My mouth crashes against his.
All the emotions of the past few days—the longing, the ache, the loss, the hope… the love—all mingle together, becoming something else. Something I can’t quite name.
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t need a name.
I just need him.
Kicking off my shoes, I tug his shirt loose from his jeans and fumble with the buttons. I push the flannel from his shoulders and tear my lips from his, only long enough to tug the T-shirt beneath over his head.
He’s no less eager to strip me bare.
He works at the buttons on the back of my dress. Lightly trailing his fingers over the skin as he exposes more. Stroking it. Gently. As if he’s uncovering a precious treasure that must be cherished.
The dress pools to the floor and he releases my mouth. Trailing wet hot kisses down my neck, his firm hands slide up from my hips, cupping my breasts.
I moan as his thumb swipes over my nipple. The tip hardens under his touch and sends a jolt of pleasure to the pit of my belly.
His mouth moves lower, railing kisses over the swell of my breasts, tracing the edge of my satin bra. He pushes aside one of the cups and lowers his lips to my nipple. Sucking it into his mouth, sending fresh waves of heat throughout me.
My knees wobble. He slides one arm around my waist to hold me upright while he wages his assault.
“That feels so good,” I murmur, wishing I had the words to say more.
“You taste so good,” he whispers against my breast before turning his attention to the other.
I can only stand the sweet treatment for so long.
No longer patient enough to guide him to my bedroom, I pull him down to the floor. Stripping our last remnants of clothing.
By the time he’s sheathed in a condom and settled between my thighs, I’m insensible to everything but him and the intermingling feelings of love and desire pulsing through me.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
I nod. “Make me yours.”
Linking his fingers with mine and holding them over our head, he slowly eases inside of me.
We gasp together as he fills me inch by delicious inch. Once he’s fully embedded, we lie there, wrapped around each other, staring into each other's eyes. Savoring the sensation of being good and truly connected.
And when he starts to move again in long, languid strokes, a tear slips down my cheeks.
For the first time in my life, I’m engaged in an act that isn’t just about pleasure.
It’s making love with the man I love.