Chapter 25
The walls are a cheery kind of yellow. Similar to the colour Triss just painted her living room. The colour of sunshine.
When I think of prison, I definitely don’t think about the colour yellow.
Grey, maybe—cement floors, iron bars, the drab cinder blocks lining the hallways.
And orange, of course. The colour of the jumpsuits the inmates wear.
But not the cheery kind of orange. The kind that comes with a warning sign. Danger. Proceed with caution.
It’s the colour Jack’s wearing as he enters the visitor centre at Central North Correction Centre. He’s taller than everyone else here, his wild hair pulled back into a knot. He looks at ease. Comfortable. Relaxed. Like he fits in.
A few paces in, he pauses, searching through the crowd of prisoners over the white-topped linoleum tables. When his eyes lock with mine, his smile fades, that easiness slipping a little.
I don’t force my usual smile as he treads over and plops down in the seat across from me. “Figured you’d be a little happier to have some company.”
He rubs the back of his neck and sighs. “Honestly when they told me I had a visitor, I was, uh, hoping it would be Triss. She hasn’t been to see me yet.”
I scoff. “You did get yourself arrested on purpose. I imagine she’s not too happy with you right now. Especially since Axe refused to pay your bail. Did you even warn her?”
Eyes, narrowing, he says, “What makes you think I did this on purpose?” Before I can answer, he drags a hand down his face and says, “Ah, right. Pillow talk with your new boyfriend?”
“Linc isn’t my boyfriend.” At least… I don’t think he is. “And… how do you know about that?”
“That guy fuckin’ talks too much. What the hell you thinking getting into bed with a cop? You know what Axe will do if he finds out?”
Leaning back in my chair, I cross my arms. “Who I sleep with isn’t your business. Or Axe’s. But from what I understand, Decker’s been in bed with the Sinners a lot longer than he has with me, so how about you ease up on the judgement?”
He matches my posture, big muscles bulging against the orange covering his upper arms. “Yeah, he definitely fuckin’ talks too much. What else did he tell you? I’d like to make a list so I know how many punches to reserve for him when I get out of here.”
“Gonna save any of those punches for Axe? He’s the reason you’re in here. Why Triss can’t even stomach talking to you right now.”
The anger on his face morphs into pain. A little crack in his hardened exterior. His shoulders slump as he deflates in his chair.
“I knew she’d be pissed. Just didn’t expect her to be this pissed. You know she won’t take my calls? She may be my old lady, but she’s also my lawyer, for fuck’s sake. And I kind of fuckin’ need one of those right now,” he says, motioning to the room.
“You going to tell me why you threw yourself in lockup? Surely someone else could have raised their hand for this.”
He shrugs. “Needed a vacation.”
“Right. Club business. Guess I know better than to ask.”
He regards me for a long minute, then eyes the tables around us filled with people—inmates and their families. Leaning closer, he murmurs, “You know much about our territory lines?”
I nod. Of course I do. East to the Sinners, west to the Raiders. The line I crossed. In more ways than one.
“Those Raider fucks have been skulking around our borders. One of ’em was picked up by OPP just outside of South Bay for an outstanding warrant a couple weeks back.”
The knot in my stomach tightens. What the hell was a Raider doing this far into Sinner territory? Keegan was on me the second I fled the province, but I got the impression he was alone. Is it possible there were more of them? Are they still here?
“Bit too close for comfort,” Jack says. “So I’m here to…
question him. It hasn’t been easy. The asshole’s made some friends in here.
But Axe and I agreed I was the best person to do that.
As a bonus, we leveraged that with the need to get your boyfriend on his new sergeant buddy’s good side. Two birds.”
Another lurch of my gut. If that Raider is here for me, it’s only a matter of time before Jack finds out.
“ Not my boyfriend,” I say again. “And… why are you telling me this?”
Club business . Only people who get to know what the Sinners do in the dark are the men who wear the patch.
“I already have one woman furious with me. Maybe I don’t want to add another to the list.”
I quirk a brow. “Yeah, right. What are you up to, Grave Man?”
He rolls his eyes. “All right. Fine. Maybe it would be nice if you passed along that message to my woman. Help her understand why I did this. That the club needed it.”
“Club first, family second.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not like that with her. Triss will always be first, if it comes down to it. But she’d never ask me to make the choice. She understands the life.”
“Yeah? Then why didn’t you tell her what you were doing?”
Brows lowered, he falls silent. Just like the men, the women who step into this life are expected to make sacrifices. They don’t get to argue, they don’t get to question it. Whether they like it or not, they will always play second fiddle to the club.
That knowledge doesn’t make it any easier to weather the look painted on my brother’s face, though.
A bit like the look Decker gave me a few nights ago when he woke from his nightmare.
It’s one of desperation. A plea, maybe. My brother is dressed in head-to-toe orange, sitting in jail, but it’s not the prospect of his imprisonment that’s got him wound up.
It’s the fact that his girl is giving him the silent treatment.
I sigh. “I’ll talk to her. I got your back, big brother.”
The grin he gives me is a real one. The kind that hits the eyes, that brings warmth to my chest. None of that hollow awkwardness that’s been sitting between us this last month. It’s nagging at me, though. The feeling that he still doesn’t really want me here.
I clear my throat. “Can we talk about us? About whatever I did that’s pissed you off?”
He drops his head a little, and the silence stretches between us a beat too long.
But then he sighs and says, “I’m not pissed off at you, Grace.
I’m just having a hell of a time looking you in the eye after what I did.
After I—” His breath leaves in a rush, his fists clenching, anger burning at the surface.
“After you… what?”
“Our father?—”
“ Your father,” I correct.
He sighs. “Yeah. Right. My father. He hurt you, and I let him live. Everything that happened after—to Mom, Jimmy taking you away, Axe being thrown in jail. It was all on me. If I’d have been man enough to fuckin’ put him in the ground the first time I saw those marks on you.
First time I saw those marks on our mother. None of this would have happened.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I angle forward. “You stopped it. Got him away from us. What happened after that had nothing to do with you.”
“I didn’t stop it, Grace. Linc did. I was barely paying attention. Too fuckin’ busy playing gangster with Axe to even notice. But he noticed. He’s the one who told me, who ended it, not me.”
My spine goes straight, and my heart gets lodged in my throat. Linc ? “I… I didn’t know that. He never said anything.”
“Who do you think helped me chase him out of town? My father was a big man, Gracie. Beating him the way I did required an extra set of hands.”
My chest tightens. Decker. He was my shelter when I needed somewhere to run, to hide.
The treehouse on the other side of the fence.
My safe haven. Turns out it was more than that.
Maybe Linc has always been this man. One willing to get his hands bloody to do what’s right, to protect the ones who need protecting.
“It was my fault. If I’d have just?—”
“Stop, Jack. Just…stop.” I release a long breath.
“None of that was your fault. None of that was…” Realization dawns on me, and the empathy I’ve been feeling for my brother suddenly evaporates.
“Wait. This is why you don’t want me here?
Why you’ve barely fucking spoken to me since I left? Because you feel responsible?”
He opens his mouth, but he only makes a strangled noise before clamping his lips shut, his mouth pulling into a thin line.
“Ten fucking years,” I say, the volume of my voice ratcheting up.
A nearby guard clears his throat, and I have to work extra hard to calm the thrashing in my chest. “Ten years, Jack. Ten years I’ve been alone.
Ten years I’ve been without you. My family.
And this is why? Because you didn’t know how to look me in the eye?
You didn’t know how to talk about your damn feelings? ”
He huffs out a breath. “It was for the best, Grace. You didn’t need a man like me in your life. A man who couldn’t protect you.”
Emotion tears at my throat and tears prick at the backs of my eyes, but I force it all down and instead let the anger take over. “The best for who?” I snap. “Not me.”
“Grace—”
“No. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask to be taken from my home.
I didn’t ask for radio fucking silence from my brother.
Screw what happened with your dad. That guy was an asshole.
Barely worth a fraction of the guilt you’re feeling.
But after everything that went down? Yeah.
I needed you, and you abandoned me. That’s what you should feel guilty about. ”
“You think I fuckin’ don’t? That it’s not in my head every damn day? I failed you, Gracie. How the hell was I supposed to”—he runs his hands down his face and releases another deep sigh—“how was I supposed to face you?”
I shake my head. “This is why Triss is pissed at you, you know that, right? If she understands the life, then she understands the sacrifices you have to make for your club. She’ll accept it, just like Mom did, just like I would have done.
What she probably can’t accept is what you kept from her.
You lied, and that’s a hell of a lot harder to swallow than the fucked-up shit you have to do for your patch.
You couldn’t face her . So you opted to force her to endure the choice you made for her. Just like you did to me.”
His jaw flexes and he grips the table in front of him.
For a moment, I think he might push up and walk away, but then his throat bobs, and he says, “I fucked up with you, Gracie. I know that. All right? I didn’t mean for it to play out like this.
Just how things ended up. But you’re my family.
That’s always been true. I know you won’t forgive this, but?—”
A dull pain flares in my chest. “Of course I will.”
“You’ll… what?”
“Forgive you, obviously. I’m pissed as all hell. But you’re my brother, Jack. Like you said. Family. Just… you know… next time you got something on your mind, maybe don’t wait ten years to tell me about it.”
Once again grinning, he leaps up and grabs me, practically yanking me across the table as he pulls me into one of his chest-crushing bear-hugs.
“Jack,” I choke. “I said I’m still pissed. And also, I can’t fucking breathe. Ease up.”
When he doesn’t let go, that corrections officer shuffles a little closer. “McKenna,” he warns. “Hands where I can see them.”
My brother releases me, smile still plastered on his face, and drops back down in his chair.
Things suddenly feel… lighter. But also a million times worse.
The space between the two of us made my betrayal a little easier to justify.
I was alone. Nowhere to go. I found a place for myself amongst the enemy.
Knowing how Jack will take that sends a storm to my stomach much fiercer than any I’ve experienced before now.
He tilts his head, eyes sharpening. “Speaking of Decker talkin’ too much. He might have implied you were in some kind of trouble. Since we’re being all honest and open and shit, you got anything you want to tell me?”
Yeah. I want to tell him a lot. All of it.
About the man I killed, the drugs and the money, all the running, Decker and what he did to protect me.
It’d be better coming from me than from the asshole he’s hoping to question while he’s here.
But I just got him back. I’m not ready to burn that bridge down completely, to open another rift between us.
For now, I’ll just hope that this guy Jack’s looking to get answers from has no idea who the hell I am.
My next smile is forced. “I’m all good, big brother. Promise. You want a snack? That vending machine over there looks promising.”
“Gracie.” He sighs. “You got no idea the slop they’re feeding me here. It’s fuckin’ torture. Even Triss cooks better than the morons runnin’ this kitchen.”
“I’ll be sure to pass along your praises to her.” I grin. “What kind of chips you into these days?”
I raid the vending machines and get Jack three small bags of barbeque. We catch up on anything and everything until forty minutes later when a loud buzz sounds, telling me it’s time to leave. I’m subjected to another bone-crushing hug before I wander through those grey hallways again.
Outside, Kat sits waiting for me in her black Civic.
“Thanks for coming with me,” I say as I slide into the passenger seat.
With a nod, she starts up her car. “When Axe was in lockup, coming here was hard as fuck. But that first time would have been unbearable had Triss not come with me. She waited out here in the lot until I was done. Made it easier for some reason.”
The pain in my chest this time is of a different sort. “Well… thanks.”
We’re mostly silent during the hour-long drive back to South Bay.
The playlist Kat blasts is chaotic, full of everything from eighties hair bands to nineties alt-rock to modern day anthems. Taylor Swifts bleeds into the Goo Goo Dolls and then morphs into “Black Sheep” by Metric as we cross the boundary back into our town.
“You gonna tell me who you been screwing?” Kat asks.
My head snaps in her direction, my heart stuttering. “What?”
She shrugs. “Triss says you disappear a lot. Then there was that time after the bar when you never made it back to her place. Obviously you’ve got a guy. We’ve got a bet going as to who, and I’d really fucking like to win.”
I’m panicking, searching for an explanation when a loud siren blares behind us, then blue and red lights flash in the rearview.
“Shit,” Kat mutters as she slows. “Cops.”