Chapter 30
I stare up into nothing, waiting for the sky to turn dark. Counting down the minutes, watching as the shadows dance over the weathered boards making up the inside of Decker’s treehouse.
This place used to be cozy. Now it just feels empty and cold.
Or maybe it’s me that feels empty and cold. All my safe, cozy corners turned dark and rotten.
When I was a kid, I’d do this. Lie here and wait.
Watching as night fell. Listening for the moment when the yelling would stop, when the violence on the other side of the fence would cease.
I’d take comfort knowing that Decker boy was only a ladder climb away.
That I was safe here. But unlike those moments, these four wooden walls aren’t protecting me from anything.
The only thing that’ll protect me now is leaving.
Complying with Axe’s order. But I’ve got nowhere else to go. No one else to run to.
A loud creek sounds below me, then another. Wood straining on wood, an old worn rope pulling against grain.
Decker pops up through the opening in the floor, balancing on the rope ladder. The setting sun beams over his handsome face, making the gash tearing across his cheek look much worse than it did last night. A mark on his skin he’ll hold even when I’m long gone.
“What are you doing up here?” he asks.
“Just… thinking.”
He hums as he hoists himself up through the hole and then crawls in beside me.
I refocus on the worn boards above us. The cracks, the age, the warped planks.
After a long moment of silence, Decker lets out a deep breath. “Thought you might have left. I got out of the shower, and you were gone.”
I thought about it. Cut and run. No attachments. No goodbyes. No feelings. Just go. Leave. Forget this place. Forget him .
But it’s not that easy. There are a lot of feelings. And there’s no fucking forgetting Linc.
“I promised I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye,” I say.
The second Axe and his Sinners left this morning, he made me swear it. No taking off. No stupid notes on his counter .
Despite all my promises, I’m not sure he believed me. The man barely left my side all day. He’d step out of the room, only to return a moment later, and when he’d find me where he left me, he’d let out a relieved breath.
The corners of his mouth tip up. “I seriously considered handcuffing you to my bed to make sure you held up your end of the deal.”
Amusement rolls through me. “I wouldn’t object to handcuffs. We still have time.”
The easy smile on his face falls. Time . Something we don’t actually have.
He shuffles closer, nudging me with his shoulder, interlocking our fingers. This closeness, the warmth of his skin, it settles me. Calms the restlessness in my limbs, the anxiety pressing on my chest, churning my stomach.
“When’s the last time you were in here?” I ask him.
“No idea. Honestly you were probably the last person in here. Or Em, maybe.”
Head lolling against the wooden floor, I frown at him. “Seriously?”
“ Seriously. What use does a grown man have for a treehouse?”
“I don’t know. Seems like a waste, though, doesn’t it?”
“Thing’s half rotten. I keep meaning to tear it down. I just… can’t.”
The pressure on my chest gets stronger. “Because of Emily.”
He’s quiet for a long time, staring up at those boards, the air around us thickening as time ticks by. “No,” he says finally. “Not because of Em. Because… because of what I lost that day.”
Right. That car crash took more than his girlfriend. It took his future.
“The baby, you mean.”
“I guess… this would have been theirs, right? And now it’s…”
“Half rotten.”
“Yeah.” Another deep exhale. “Probably for the best. I’d have been shit at the whole dad thing.”
I give his hand a squeeze. “You’re a protector, Linc. That’s all kids really need. You love them, and you protect them. Everything else works itself out. You’re a lot like Jack in that way. Always trying do right by the people who count on you. You’d have been amazing. Still could be.”
His expression darkens, his grip on my hand tightening, the muscles in his shoulders locking up.
“That ship sailed the day I put myself in your brother’s pocket.
” He lets out one long, drawn-out breath.
“I heard this quote once. That you die twice. Once when they put you in the ground, and then again the last time someone says your name. I think about that sometimes, you know? How that was taken from me. How when I go, there won’t be anyone mourning me. No one to say my name.”
My heart sinks. “I will always say your fucking name, Linc. Always.”
He swallows. “We’re out of time.”
The storm in my stomach comes back full force, panic crawling up my throat, making it hard to breathe. This isn’t fair. I want to keep this. I want to keep him.
“I could stay,” I tell him. “I could talk to Jack. He’ll convince Axe. If I could just?—”
“No,” Decker says, tone turning cold. “No, you need to go. I don’t want you here for what comes next. I can’t protect you.”
Turning on my side, I perch on my elbow and glare at him. “I can make him listen. I can?—”
“Grace,” he says sharply. “I won’t be able to focus with you here, okay? And I need to focus.”
I know this look. The promise of violence.
I’ve seen the same look on Axe, Jimmy, Jack.
On every Sinner I knew growing up. The look that told me something bad was about to happen.
That maybe not everyone would come home.
Blood, bullets, and blades. The Sinner life.
The sacrifice the men who wear the patch make every time they walk out the door.
“Whatever you’re about to do,” I whisper, my throat thick, “whatever move you’re about to make, don’t. Just forget all this. Please.”
His eyes snap to mine, anger flashing across his face.
“How can you ask me to do that after what he did this morning? This needs to end. I’m tired.
So I can’t have you here. I can’t have my attention elsewhere when I’ve got your brother to deal with.
This will only end one way, and you can’t be here for that. ”
I push up to sitting, then grasp his arm, urging him to do the same. “This doesn’t have to end bloody,” I say when we’re eye to eye. “You could… you could come with me.”
He goes still, those pretty amber eyes boring into mine. The kind of look that dives below the surface and slides under my skin. “I… I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because my business here isn’t finished.”
“What business is that? What’s left for you here? This isn’t a life. Come with me,” I say again. “Pack a bag and get on your bike. Let’s leave this place in the dust. Tonight.”
New town, new life. It’d be a lot less daunting with someone by my side. Someone who gets it, who gets me. The man who knows all my sins, who doesn’t care about the blood on my hands.
Decker sits back and frees his fingers from mine, the space between us growing.
“Grace—”
“Was Axe right?” I ask. “When he said you love me. Is that real?”
His throat bobs, and he releases another one of those big breaths. “What does that matter?”
“It matters , Linc. It’s the only thing that matters.”
He quiets again, chewing on my words. “I don’t know what that means anymore, Grace. The man I am? The man I’ve become ? I’m not sure he knows how to love. I just know I need to keep you safe. From this life, and from me. From what I’ll drag you into if you stay.”
I shake my head. “You and I… we’re something, remember? At least we could be. Away from here. Away from the Sinners and my brothers and your job. You’re wasting this. And for what? Jail time? A bullet in the head? Stay here, and you’ll end up dead. We both know it.”
He smiles. It’s forced. Angry. Menacing. “I’m not the one who’ll end up dead after this, Gracie. Or maybe I am. But you can bet your brother will be coming with me.”
That weight on my chest gets heavier again, a sob threatening to spill out. I can’t contain it. My emotions. I’ve lost my hold on that thing Jimmy taught me. Calm, cool, and collected. Never let ’em see you sweat, kid. You let ’em rattle you, you let ’em win.
“Please, Linc. Please ,” I say. “If you care for me, if you”—I swallow—“if you love me. Then you’ll choose this. Us. And you’ll come with me.”
Expression softening, he takes my face in his hands, pulling me close and brushing his lips against mine. A gentle kiss. An apology. A goodbye.
“Linc,” I say, voice cracking as a sob breaks free. “Please. You will die. Don’t risk your life for a little payback. End this by coming with me. We don’t need to stay here.”
He wipes his thumbs across my cheeks, clearing my tears, but more fall in their place. “Time to go, Grace.”
I slap his hands away and kick my feet over the hole in the floor, anger heating my blood.
Turning back, I brace myself on the rope ladder.
“You’re exactly like him, you know. In every way.
You get an idea in your head, and its pure fucking tunnel vision until it’s done. Even if it gets you killed.”
The look he gives me only proves my point. Cold. Fueled by rage and determination and revenge. Axel Donovan in a nutshell.
“I’m done losing, Gracie.”
I let one last tear fall, then raise my chin. “You’re losing me , Linc. Isn’t that enough? Doesn’t that matter to you?”
He swallows, some of that hardness draining from his features. “I’m saving you. That’s all that matters.”
I scoff. “Lincoln Decker. Forever playing fucking hero. You and Axe deserve each other.”
I descend the ladder, and then I do what I do best. I leave him in the dust. The tears don’t start again until I’m well beyond the South Bay town line.
The streets have all gone dark. I shouldn’t be here. The Sinner prez gave me a choice. Leave town or die. Simply standing on this road is a crime punishable by death.
I have no intention of dying. I also have no intention of leaving. Not yet.
I was barely across the town line when I turned around. Ready to fix this, to face these consequences, the trouble I caused.