Chapter 35
Thirty-Five
Henry refusedto leave the property—spouting something about his missing car. It was probably another one of his antics to drag things out. I didn’t have time for it and let my cousins escort him out. By the time they dragged him away, the house was a little too quiet. Jasper turned in for the night, but I struggled with facing Jordan.
I should’ve gone after her as soon as she learned about the conservatorship. Perhaps part of the hesitation was my conscience nagging at me for forcing her into the same situation I helped her escape.
I told myself that I was nothing like Henry. I’d never hit her or cheat on her. I even turned off all the cameras in our bedroom the moment I returned home. I didn’t want to spy on her or lock her in there.
It was the world that wanted to take her away from me, and I was simply securing our future. That was how I justified it, as I stayed up most of the night researching options that allowed us to get married despite taking over her guardianship. The limitations mostly stemmed from financial control. As long as I gave her free rein on her finances, I could still marry her and become her conservator.
I figured Jordan would calm down by the time I was finished, and she would have a chance to wrap her head around the idea. I was doing this because she refused to share her heart with me. Surely, she knew this would happen if she kept holding back.
Our bedroom was jarringly empty when I cracked open the door. The dawn rays pouring through the window showcased the vacantness of it. Jordan wasn’t here.
Fuck, why did I turn the cameras off in the bedroom?
I automatically checked the guest bedroom she had slept in once, only to find it equally empty. The rest of the house was also a ghost town as I searched room after room.
A sudden panic had me pulling out my cell to track her phone. According to the Google location, it was still inside the house, so I refreshed it numerous times, regretting not placing a physical tracker in her body. I called the phone, only to hear it ring in our bedroom. But when I barged inside again, Jordan wasn’t there.
Jordan never, ever went anywhere without her phone.
Manically, I started searching the house again, my panic only rising when each room turned up empty. After exhausting my search, I ended up in Jasper’s bedroom. It was the only one I hadn’t checked, and I pounded his door with a closed fist.
“What the fuck?” Jasper snapped, holding the door wide open. “What’s going on?”
I could barely find the words. “Have you seen Jordan?”
He frowned, rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Not since last night. Why?”
“I can’t find her,” I snarled. “I’ve looked everywhere. The location on her phone says she’s in the house, but?—”
“You’re tracking her phone now?” he asked wildly. “What the hell, Xander? You’re turning into Henry.”
“That’s not the problem right now,” I snapped, feeling impatient.
He crossed his arms across his chest. “No, I think that is the problem. You can’t control her?—”
“Fuck off, Jasper,” I shouted before I could think better of it.
His head reeled back, having never been yelled at by me before. If I weren’t in full panic mode, I would’ve checked my tone.
“If anything happens to her, I swear to God, I’ll burn this fucking world down,” I growled.
“Jesus, man, calm down.” He held up two hands as if warding off my mania. “We’ll find her, okay? I’ll help you look.”
“I’ve already searched the entire house.”
Jasper softened at my frenzied voice. “Maybe she just left her phone in the house and went for a walk. Have you looked outside?”
I shook my head, barely snuffing out my anger now that he was trying to help. It was possible that she went on a walk. Since this estate was gated, I told my staff Jordan was allowed to walk around the premises whenever I was home.
“All right. Let’s check outside,” Jasper said calmly.
He followed me down the stairs and to the courtyard. It was just as hauntingly quiet. The cold air outside was nothing compared to the chill settling inside my chest.
Jasper probably read the panic flaring in my face.
“Don’t freak out. She could still be on the premises,” he insisted, though he didn’t sound convinced. “I’ll get the staff together. Maybe one of them has seen her.”
I internally cursed myself for only having a security detail on her whenever we went outside the house or I wasn’t with her. Rookie mistake. I should’ve known she’d need round-the-clock surveillance.
Five minutes later, my staff—the housekeeper, chef, and gardener—were called in. None of them had seen her. The two guards I had hired for Jordan also arrived within the hour.
My brother watched me cautiously as I paced the room, staring at the tracker that said her phone was still inside the house. I had practically turned the house upside down, ransacking each room, while we waited.
“We checked the external cameras on the property,” Jamie informed me.
“What did you find?” I asked impatiently.
“A slate car was captured driving off the property late last night, but the footage wasn’t clear. We couldn’t make out who was behind the wheel.”
Fuck. It was her, I was sure of it.
“Henry’s car…” Jasper tapped his temple before shaking his head. “He wasn’t lying about his car going missing. Jordan must’ve driven away in it.”
My gaze landed on Georgia, the second security guard. “Run the license plate and find the car,” I demanded.
The guards exchanged looks.
When they didn’t speak, I studied them suspiciously. “What?”
They both remained silent, grating on my nerves.
“Spit it out.”
“The thing is… um… we did run the license plate. The car was abandoned an hour away from here.”
“Check the security camera near the street?—”
“We checked,” Georgia interrupted. “There weren’t any cameras. She left the car in the middle of nowhere.”
Panic seized me. “What are you trying to say?”
They exchanged another look. “She… she couldn’t have gotten a cab from somewhere so remote. Without a phone, we don’t know how she could’ve even sent someone a pin to pick her up.”
“Then, where the fuck did she go?”
“We… we don’t know where she could’ve gone,” Georgia admitted guiltily. “It’s as if she dropped the car off, then vanished into thin air,” she added.
Rage like I had never known exploded, a violent storm tearing at my insides. My hands clawed at my scalp, ripping at my hair in a frenzy of frustration.
I took four steps forward and screamed in their faces. “Then what the hell are you doing still standing here? Find her!” My words no longer sounded human but rather a primal roar of a hunter faced with a formidable opponent.
Jasper intercepted and pushed me back so I didn’t tear the messengers from limb from limb. With a tilt of his head, he gave the guards the go-ahead to scat.
“Find out where the fuck she is!” I roared as they ran from my wrath.
“Calm down!” Jasper kept repeating as my butt landed on the sofa. Everything else he was saying to calm me down sounded like it was coming from a distance.
“No.” I shook my head, dropping my head between my hands. “No. No. No.” This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t live without her. Not again.
I meant what I said to Jasper earlier.
I’d burn this fucking world down to find her.
One week.
Jordan had been missing for one week, and there had been radio silence on her whereabouts. No matter how much I pressured the security team, they couldn’t find any leads besides the car she ditched.
I resorted to sending her emails and messaging her socials. I even texted her on the off chance she logged into her cloud to check her messages. I became obsessed with finding any scrap of information that might lead me to her.
As the days passed, eating seemed inconsequential when she wasn’t the one cooking it, with a nod to my preferences. Sleeping was frivolous in our cold bed without the greeneries she added to create warmth. Nothing made sense without her.
I couldn”t function like this anymore. Her absence had created a gaping hole in my existence, and all I could do to fill it was compulsively track her last known location.
Rewinding the tape, I restarted the security footage of Jordan driving away in Henry’s gunmetal Mustang. The rental car was found in an abandoned lot that was too remote for public transportation or cabs. Considering Jordan left behind her cell phone and the credit cards I had given her, someone must’ve ordered her an Uber.
The security team had been diligently watching passport control for her name, but there had been nothing so far.
How would she even book a flight? She had no money, and I was in possession of her passport.
All the same, I tracked the credit cards I had given her, looking for clues. I pored over the phone she left behind as if my life depended on it. She never used it unless she checked on Jasper and occasionally scrolled through the social media profiles of two people—me and Piya, her former best friend.
Guilt pierced me when I realized I should’ve pushed her into reconciling with her estranged friend. I knew Henry was the reason they had a fallout. If I were supposed to be a good thing in Jordan’s life and the “right” man, then why didn’t I encourage her to reunite with her best friend?
I had been too consumed with my obsession and forgot to ask myself if she was happy with this arrangement. I had isolated Jordan completely, and now that I was totally alone, it sickened me to think this was how I’d made her feel.
I missed practice this week and had racked up fines with the league. I didn’t care. What was the point of money, fame, or a career without her?
Jasper informed my teammates of what happened before heading back to college. If they hadn’t shown up to haul my ass, I would’ve missed the game, too. It turned out that slamming people on the ice was the only way to deal with my rage.After every goal, I’d still point a thumb at the net and then at the camera on the off chance she was watching me.
Otherwise, I was numb and unraveling.
My body was rebelling against me, pining for her like an addict craving their next fix. I couldn’t do anything without thinking of her. Her last expression haunted me before she disappeared, the one accusing me of betraying her in the worst way. It was painfully evident that Jordan not only wanted to get away from Henry but from me as well.
But I was entirely different from a megalomaniac like Henry, wasn’t I? He wanted to control her because he was a narcissist, whereas what I felt for Jordan was an indescribable need. She might’ve been angry about my control issues, but she was the one to make me paranoid by refusing to give herself fully to me. She was my life. I gave her every part of me, but she held back.She couldn’t even tell me she loved me without it being a lie.
Did that make a difference?
I guess not.
Somewhere along the line of fighting Henry, I had become the very thing I hated. I spent so much time finding a way to make her stay with me that I forgot to enjoy the moments we did spend together. I tried to box her in at every turn, and now, I’d happily rip away those conservatorship papers if it meant she’d come home to me.
Her escape was the wake-up call I needed, except I couldn’t even tell her I’d learned my lesson.
I was alone, and it was all because of my own actions. If she wanted to punish me, she had succeeded in finding the perfect way to do so.She had cast my life in darkness, stealing every piece of sunshine from me, and I couldn’t blame her.
This darkness was my penance for everything I had done to her.