CHAPTER TWENTY
– ZORA –
The past few hours have been a blur where lots of people were walking in and out of the clubhouse. Grayer spent most of the time in church with Roux and checked on me a few times. I’ve been in the kitchen keeping my hands busy.
Fawkes gave me an update about Stellan. He was out of surgery and told Stellan wouldn’t have made it if I hadn’t been there when he was injured. My training might have saved Stellan, but it was useless for Neo. Another man we lost while we’re in the middle of this chaos.
“There’s nothing I can say or do to change shit.
” Lynn’s voice flows through the kitchen as I stir the large pot of chili.
“We fight with a heart of gold, but bullets don’t care about good or bad, sweetie.
The impact is the same whichever target they hit.
The only thing you can do is stay true to yourself and honor the fallen ones the way they would honor you.
The brotherhood is strong for a reason and why we have the drive to fight for justice.
The hit on your clubhouse shows exactly what happens if we don’t step in and take out as many bad fuckers as we can. ”
My heart squeezes painfully. “I know.”
“Yeah, you do. It’s why you became a doctor. Save people, be there when they’re sick, give them an ear, a shoulder, a helping hand. You’re in the same line of duty and it shows how lucky Grayer is.”
“I know how damn lucky I am to have her in my life,” Grayer rumbles as he steps into the kitchen. “Hey, Lynn. Good to hear your voice.”
“Grayer, take care of our girl here. She needs some loving, especially today. Oh, and if you manage to give her an extra special hug, one where you not so accidentally slip your dick into her? Think X, not just X-rated, I’m talking about the X-chromosome.
Because I’m already getting a sisterhood together for an all-female Broken Deeds MC chapter, and since my son just gave the right example?
I’m also rooting for an all-female NJ chapter.
The first female president is born, so get those hips thrusting. We need a female VP.”
Grayer and I stare at one another while Lynn rattles and finishes with, “I’m going to leave you two youngsters to it. Zora, sweetie. Call when you need me. Oh, and keep your pelvis elevated after the deed is done. It might help.”
There’s no time to say anything when she simply ends the call. Grayer barks out a laugh and steps closer.
He places a hand on my hip and kisses my neck as he glances at the stove. “Smells fantastic. Do you have enough for everyone? We have a few extra brothers from Spence’s chapter who fixed the windows and cleaned the main room of the clubhouse.”
I turn to face him. “Yeah, there’s enough. I also made some fresh bread. Can you get it out of the oven for me?”
He glances down at my bandaged arms. “How are you feeling?”
I shrug. “The wounds are throbbing, but I just took a painkiller.” Jerking my chin in the direction of the door, I ask, “How are things going out there?”
Grayer winces and steps back to rub his neck, frustration evident in his voice when he says, “Luisa is still out there. Spence and the government managed to jump on the cartel with all the information Roux gathered. Within the hour they had a team raiding their location. Alonso is in custody along with most of his men.”
Good and bad. Dammit, with Luisa still out there it’s not over yet.
Grayer reaches out and glides his fingertips along my cheek, as if he sees my worries. “We have a new security up and running, extra brothers keeping an eye out, and the main room of the clubhouse has been...” He releases a deep sigh and without thinking I hug him.
I knew what he meant and actually saying the bodies are cleared, floors mopped and ridded of the blood, bullets wiped away and pulled from the walls...all the crucial reminders of what happened...including the loss of Neo.
No amount of redecorating will make any of us forget what happened. How we lost Neo. And I’m pretty damn sure I’ll never look at the bar the same way as before.
Roux steps inside along with some of the other brothers.
“Smells good,” Roux remarks.
I step away from Grayer and wave at the table. “There’s enough for everyone. Can you spread the word so those who are hungry can grab a bowl of chili?”
“Sure thing, Z,” Roux rumbles and rubs his hands as he walks out.
His back is visible in the hallway when we hear him bellow, “Food. Come and get it or miss out,” before stepping back into the kitchen.
“I could have done that myself from right here,” I mutter.
Grayer chuckles. “Roux doesn’t want to miss out on your food. They love your cooking, especially your chili.”
My chest fills with warmth due to his words.
The kitchen starts to fill with members of our MC as well as the other New Jersey chapter.
My own thoughts make me pause. Our MC. Somewhere in the past few days I’ve fully accepted Grayer’s club as my own.
With everything that happened it brought us closer together and shows me what’s important.
Neo’s words flow back into my brain again the way I reminded Fawkes.
We can’t live like any second is our last. While it simultaneously acknowledges the fact that if you don’t live life to the fullest, you will miss out on the things you keep pushing forward.
Either from fear, need the strength to step up, or simply think you will have all the time in the world... until you don’t.
With this thought I want to move forward completely. Push myself to step up, face my fears, worries, anxiety, and take back my life. A life with Grayer.
I turn to face my old man and tilt my head back to ask, “Are you hungry or can you wait?”
The corner of his mouth twitches. “If we wait there will be nothing left.”
Shit. He’s right. My shoulders drop. I guess it can wait because I definitely decided what I want and won’t let anyone interfere with my freedom ever again.
Even if Ramiro tried to crush it, he failed to obliterate it.
I’ve mentally dusted off most of the triggers and want to face my trauma.
The only way to overcome the fear of what happens when Grayer and I are intimate is by simply doing it.
“We can always make something else or order some food later,” he murmurs.
My belly flops with the way he looks at me, as if he can read my mind. Before I can chicken out, I grab his hand and pull him in the direction of the door. He follows closely as I lead him to our room.
The door falls shut behind us and I quickly flip the lock.
When I turn to face him, I feel my cheeks heat and my brain stutters to a complete halt.
I wanted to be assertive, and yet, when push comes to shove everything frizzles out.
I bite my bottom lip and try to think of actual words to give reason as to why I pulled him in here when he steps closer.
I take a step back and feel the door right behind me.
Leaning in, he lets his nose slowly trail up my neck as he breathes me in. “Any reason why you dragged me into our cave, woman?”
My breathing is choppy when I whisper the one thought that pops into my head, “Did you just call me a cavewoman?”
His chuckle is husky and I can feel the rumble in his chest. My breasts feel heavy when his body deliciously cages me in. There’s no panic creeping into my veins. My eyes are wide open and the man standing this close is the one I want near. The man whose touch I don’t repel but welcome.
“I called our bedroom our cave and you, you’re my woman. My old lady, and hopefully one day my wife and the mother of our children.”
My heart takes a huge leap due to the words he just threw out. A plan, a goal, a dream, a future.
So many things I want and yet there’s one single word that covers it all when I simply tell him, “Yes.”
Wait. Did he just propose? Did I accept? Shit. Are we engaged now? Crap. I dragged him in here to have sex and instead we got engaged. Did we? Dammit. It would be weird if I asked for clarity, right? Holy shit, why is life so damn complicated?