Chapter 16 Lucan
Looking a little less tired today,” Vivian remarks before she can even see my face.
Her footsteps approach from behind me before she pats me on the top of the head like a dog and sits down at the table next to Merrick on my left.
He slings his arm around her shoulder and buries a kiss into her short, dark hair. I bounce my glare between the both of them.
I’ve been in my human form for almost a week.
Even though it’s been much needed, I won’t give any of them the satisfaction of being right. Otherwise, I’ll have to hear about it for another week.
“He’s not in the mood, babe,” Merrick whispers, but of course, I hear.
I press my fork into the piece of steak I just cut without bothering to wait for the others. “I’m fine,” I say, despite the energy snapping through every nerve ending.
It’s not agitation, exactly. It’s more like I’m… nervous. Nervous that she’ll reject what I told her. Nervous that she’ll reject me.
But I still have to respect her decision. If she needs time to think, then that’s what I’ll give her—because as much as I want to use this woman in every way possible, I refuse to treat her like a mindless puppet. If I did, I’d be no better than my enemies.
She needs to want this Wall to come down as much as I do.
For the first few days after I told Saskia about the Guardians, my body was much calmer. I caught up on sleep and rested my vocal cords to give her the space she needs. But one day turned to three, which turned to six. Slowly. So damn slowly.
I swear, this woman drags every emotion out of me like threads that she has looped around her pinky. I haven’t had to deal with anything besides rage since my father died.
But I’m sure she’s more than overwhelmed with her own.
All I can do is distract myself until she comes to a decision. “How was the hunt?”
“Felt good to run, even in human form,” Viv sighs. “I caught a rabbit, still feel bad about it, and Soren and Ashe stayed behind to go after an elk that crossed our path. We lost the others, but I’m sure they’ll be back soon.”
Merrick smiles down at her. Despite her spitfire personality, Viv barely reaches his chest in her human form, so she looks like a doll sitting next to him at the long dining room table.
The second she starts scrunching her nose at him, playfully stealing a fried potato off his plate, I let my eyes wander out the window to my right—where the last remnants of Veradel have been crumbling away for centuries.
The abandoned houses across the street are cast in the shadow of mine, the same as they are every afternoon.
Some windows are boarded, others broken and never repaired.
We’ve cleaned up the glass, but the houses that go unused are all rotting from the inside-out.
Roofs sag inward, coated in heavy layers of moss.
The ones made of wood seem to lean sideways, as if they’re one blood moon away from toppling completely.
They used to give me the creeps when I was young, but my father always told me they motivated him, and now I understand. They aren’t creepy—they’re sad. That used to be someone’s home, someone’s bedroom.
Someone’s life that was—
I jolt in my chair. The wooden legs creak underneath me, threatening to break, as I must have pushed it back at least an inch or two.
Vivian and Merrick look at me with wide eyes that quickly fill with understanding.
“Here we go.” Viv smirks.
I’m already out of my chair and running for the door, halfway transformed—human legs, shirt ripped off, claws out. It happened so fast, I didn’t even register it, because I may be able to feel when Saskia puts on that necklace, but unless I’m fully shifted, I won’t be able to hear her voice.
Behind me I hear Merrick growl out, “Who stole all my food?” and Viv’s fading shriek of laughter as Merrick gathers her in his arms.
And then I’m out the back door, where I don’t stop running until I’m fully formed and blanketed by the woods in all directions.
My uneasiness swells, sticking to my skin like wax, because all I anticipate her saying is that I’m fucking crazy.
That her life is fine the way it is. That she’d rather me stay out of it. Because what else do you say to a voice in your head that’s telling you everything you know is a lie?
And then she surprises the shit out of me.