Chapter 42 Xeni
Xeni
Our series of goodbyes takes longer than expected. There are warm hugs from Chakri, firm handshakes from Johannes, and more cryptic farewells from Sovran. Once everyone is satisfied, we hit the road.
The SUV bumps and bounces down the hidden roadway that winds away from the camouflaged motel.
It travels for miles through thin sections of trees that offer fleeting glimpses of the wasteland beyond, and the barren soil looks particularly unforgiving when framed by the green.
Dirt trails and remnants of gravel roads eventually give way to battered asphalt.
It’s cracked and weathered but still serviceable, and we head north with a sense of cautious optimism.
The drive is uneventful, the vast emptiness around us both eerie and liberating after the constant threat of the city.
Ego and Sakane have their faces plastered to the windows, commenting on every fresh sight we pass—the rolling hills in the distance, clusters of resilient trees brushing against the horizon, and the occasional abandoned structures half-swallowed by dirt.
Cato is more stoic, sitting between them with his arms crossed and his gaze fixed ahead as if daring the world to throw something at us.
A few times I catch him staring at me in the rearview mirror, but he only ever glances away with a huff.
The tension between us is still simmering but, for now, it remains unspoken.
We stop at nightfall and park in a shallow valley not far off the road. Rocky outcrops provide enough cover in the darkness to feel marginally secure, though Cato insists on staying up to keep watch. His favorite knife glints on his hip as he settles on a higher vantage point.
Bash and I stretch out on the ground with a blanket beneath us, the cool night air carrying the faint scent of dry earth and distant rain that never quite reaches us. We don’t sleep right away, though.
My mind spins, thinking of everything that’s happened since I left the village weeks ago, and what changes might wait for me there. At this point, I’ve been gone longer than any of us planned for. I wonder what assumptions the others have made about my absence.
Do they think I’ve been captured? Killed?
Do any of them care?
The thought pinches my chest with an ache of isolation too ingrained to be left behind. I turn to nuzzle into Bash, inhaling his familiar scent and allowing it to ground me.
“We should’ve bought you more soap,” I say into his chest, the words slipping out without preface.
“What?” he asks with a quiet laugh, pulling back to look at me in the dim starlight.
“Those soaps you love so much. We won’t be able to get them anymore.”
“Damn, you’re right. Better just go back and meet my fate with the army so I can smell good.”
“You’re being an ass,” I point out with a tiny smile.
He chuckles and pulls me in for a lingering kiss. “Seems the situation warrants it,” he teases, then cups my head and holds me against him. “You okay? Your mind is making a lot of noise tonight.”
“Just… processing.”
“Yeah,” he agrees quietly as he runs a palm over my hair. “I get that.”
“It must be so weird for you to be out of the city like this. You never really spent any time out here.”
“No, I didn't,” he agrees. “I was only out here when I was being moved between the cities and the base. It’s quiet. You can stop and listen, and the only things you hear are the wind blowing or some birds in the distance. There’s always been something making noise in my life.
People walking and talking, or guards on patrol.
Cars passing and doorbells ringing. The silence is… ”
“Different?” I offer.
He shakes his head. “Nice. It makes you realize just how loud the world has been.”
“It got quiet when I didn’t have you,” I whisper, and he pulls me into another hug, arms tight around me. “All those little noises you get used to hearing seem so trivial until you don’t hear them anymore.”
“Oh? And what sort of noises do I make?”
A grin tugs at my lips. “You mutter under your breath when you talk to yourself—”
“When I need an expert opinion, you mean,” he interjects.
“Yes, exactly,” I say with a laugh. “You tap your pencil when you’re thinking, and make this cute little humming sound when you figure something out. You pace when you’re restless, and I can tell your mood by the cadence of your steps. Fast when you’re irritated, slower when you’re calm.”
A devilish smile spreads across my lips as I tilt my face up to look at him.
“And then there are the times you eat spicy food and—”
“Nope,” he says, far too loudly, as he places a palm over my mouth. My belly shakes as I try to hold in my laughter, and Bash’s smile is brilliant as he rolls his eyes and stares toward the sky. We bask in that silence for a few long minutes, and Bash plays with my hair as I soak in the closeness.
“You asleep?” Bash asks after a while.
I shake my head as I glance up at him. “Doubt I’ll get any tonight.”
He hums his agreement, but he’s distracted.
I sit up taller as his head slides into my lap. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, just… nerves, I guess,” he says.
“About the village?”
He nods, then shakes his head.
“That is a very confusing answer, Sebastian.”
He grins up at me as I absentmindedly trace the edge of his ear, waiting for him to collect his thoughts.
“What would you say if I asked you?” he finally says.
I scrunch my nose. “Not any less confusing, darling.”
He licks his lips and reaches into his pocket, and my heart stops when he pulls it out. He holds my ring between his thumb and pointer finger, his hands shaking slightly.
“We almost died, Xen. Multiple times. And I realized I would never forgive myself if something happened to you while you had any doubts about what you are to me. What we are to each other.”
“And what are we?” I whisper, my chin trembling as hope swells in my chest.
He spins the ring between his fingers as both of us stare at it. “You’re my best friend, and my mate… and my husband?”
“Are you asking me or telling me?”
He grins as he chokes on a laugh, but the levity fades as he waits.
I stare at the ring, then at the empty place on my hand where it belongs. “You asked me to be patient, Bash. I can wait as long as you need me to.”
“I don’t want to wait,” he says as he sits up, putting us eye to eye. His gaze is steady, always so fucking steady, and he’s full of quiet determination. “I’m tired of being patient. I just want you. I’ve only ever wanted you.”
“You’ve always had me, darling.”
He presses his lips to mine in something that feels like an oath, kissing me senseless then leaning our foreheads together.
Here, with only the stars as our witness, he whispers those same words we shared years ago.
He renews that eternal vow we fought to keep intact.
“I promise to love you until my very last breath. No matter where we are or what we’re doing, you’ll be my first thought when I wake and the last before I sleep. One lifetime will never be enough, but I swear I’ll make every moment count.”
Tears blur my vision as the memory of that night merges with this one, so different, but similar in all the ways that matter.
“Xeni, you are my mate, my heart, and my home. My chaos, and the guarantee life will never be boring.” We both choke on a wet laugh and share a teary smile.
“You’re the one who makes me feel like I’m home, even when everything else is falling apart.
I promise I’ll love you through the mess, the scars, the bad days…
through all of it. No more running. No more silence.
Just us. We’ll build the life we always wanted and together, we’ll fill all those quiet spaces. ”
My chin trembles as I swallow past the emotion, and Bash waits patiently for me to collect myself.
“I still follow you like a lost puppy, don’t I?” I ask with a sniff.
He only smiles and kisses away the tear that sneaks loose.
“You are my forever, Sebastian. The calm to my chaos, and my shelter from the storms. You’re the only person who ever made me feel safe enough to stop hiding.
I broke us once, and I swear to you, I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure I never do it again.
I promise to love you loud, messy, and without holding anything back.
I’ll hold you together when the world tries to pull you apart, and as long as I have breath in my lungs, I will fight for you. You are the great love of my life.”
He slides the ring onto my finger, the cool metal settling into its home like it never left. The last piece of my soul clicks into place, complete for the first time in years.
We smile like idiots at each other as our mouths meet again, and we kiss until our lips are swollen and our hearts are full, the world narrowing to this.
To us, tangled together on a blanket in the middle of nowhere.
Finally free.